How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

I don't pick up the slack in the morning as a have a DH. I don't ask him to do things around the house. He lives there, is part of the family, we jointly parent our DC's and both work full time with early starts in the morning. He sees what needs doing and doesn't wait for instructions or requests from me - he's an adult!

Wake, check emails/Facebook/twitter, dh is up with dog and eldest tends to appear in our room. Dh makes breakfast and often brings me a coffee in bed, I tend to wake and dress youngest dc and help eldest with clothes after my own shower and dressing, dh showers and dresses while I do this. I think he gets the worst deal tbh and constantly mean to get up before him but it never seems to happen except at weekends where he'll come back to bed after dog is out and I'll get up and do him breakfast in bed!

I do a lot, but I'm a lark. DH does a lot after I go to bed (although he is still in bed fairly early by normal standards).
4:30-6am yoga
6-6:30 make porridge for DC, packed lunch for DH
6:30-7 shower and change
7-8:40 chase the 3 DCs to get breakfasted, washed and dressed (3yo, 6yo and 8yo), wash up and clean kitchen, clean bathroom, remake any DC beds that haven't been made properly (all of them), make our bed, put on a laundry and hang it out.
8:40 leave for school

I get a lot done in the morning because I hate coming home after the school run to a shit tip, I like to eat breakfast in a peaceful environment after dropping off the older DC. On preschool days I like to get straight on and work, and on days I have DC3 I hate trying to achieve lots of mundane tasks. She quite likes a good decluttering and cleaning session though .

Roomster - I've explained why most of the things in the morning can't be done in the day. Often I am in my own in the evenings. I obviously get as much done as poss for the next morning, but sometimes I get too tired to think straight, particularly if there have been after-school clubs to pick up from, DC being a nightmare over homework or DD having a rage. The younger Ines are in bed by 9pm, but DS is more like 10. Even if DH is here he will help with bedtimes and homework if he doesn't have work to do, but he still expects dinner which is fair enough. Then it's more hassle in a way because he's never in before about 8pm and the DC have eaten earlier.

Iron, make breakfast, wash up, clean the shower, drop the dcs,off, go to work, get ready for the day teaching and then make a cup of tea, by then it's eight fifteen.

Op - re your dd. My eldest was bloody difficult. No diagnosis but similar behaviour to your dd.

He's now 19 and an absolute delight. So if it's not SN, just be aware that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Are you getting so tired because you're up so early? What time do you go to bed?

You do make it sound complicated - DC's sit down to do homework - if they don't do it, it's their problem at school. Bedtime - they have a shower and go to bed - there isn't a lot for you to do there apart from some reminding and nagging about hurrying up.

Thankyou theymade - Lets hope so! I get to bed at 10.30. Then try and stay awake but often don't manage it.

Normal morning for me is

6.30 get up, go down and put kettle on, make up lambs bottles then sit down and have my coffee in peace for 20 mins.

7.00 get kids up, make dh a cup of tea, kids get own breakfast, empty dishwasher and repack. Put load of washing on and hang out wet stuff. Do dds hairs.

7.30 dispatch kids to feed lambs, let chickens out, fetch paper and milk.

7.45 leave to take ds1 to school bus, other 3 dc make packed lunches and get ready to catch bus at bottom of our lane at 8.

8.15 back home, dh will have coffee waiting, sort out jobs on the farm for the day and start the day proper.

I can't understand why you do so much either. I get up at 7.30, shout all the kids then shower. Whilst I'm in the shower kids get dressed and then get breakfast. There is toast, cereal or occasionally things like croissants etc. If the smallest (7) wants toast or milk on his cereal when the milk is full the bigger ones (10 and 12) do it for him if I'm not down yet.

I make sandwiches (because it's easier than getting them to do it even though they could) and leave the packed lunches on the side. The kids put them in their lunch bags whilst I fill up water bottles (again this is mainly to avoid squabbles if they all try to do it at once...)

I then either drop the eldest at school or she walks (weather dependent as it's a 40 min walk) I empty the dishwasher, check the small ones have brushed their teeth and hair then leave for school run.

All kids sort their own school bags the night before, apart from lunch which they put in after I've made it. How are they ever going to learn to be organised and responsible if I do it all? Ditto with clothes. They all know what they need to wear and it's all in the drawers/ wardrobe. I really don't see why they can't get it out themselves.

I've never needed to iron a blazer in my life. The blazer gets hung up when oldest comes in. After washing I hang it up damp and it dries fine. All kids have 5-6 school shirts. I wash and iron them over the weekend and hang in wardrobe ready for the week. The smallest has 5 pairs of trousers because they are cheap and he spills everything down them. These are also washed and ironed at the beginning of the week. The oldest two have 2-3 skirts/trousers. They usually do 2 days without issue although I do wash them as they go in the wash, just in case. Ironing them is a 5 min job I'd do in the evening if needed.

I never run up and down the stairs to find things for anyone. They soon stop asking by default and start actually looking by default.

Op I bet if you started a thread asking whether other peoples' DCs used the washing machine or iron before the age of 15, about 90% of people would say yes. It may not be usual in your circle of friends, but you guys are the unusual ones - if that makes sense?!

With school age children, an earning DH, and a cleaner and no employment responsibilities outside the home, to lots of people you would seem to have a great life with a lot less stress than most. There is nothing wrong with this at all! Enjoy it, for goodness sake and appreciate your life! You don't have to pretend you are hard done by and always on the go, as you simply don't have to be. You're either being a bit of a martyr or you are actually doing too much stuff that could (and should) be done by others in the house - particularly your DC should be taking responsibility for their own preparation for school. Isn't your 13 year old embarrassed that you do everything for them including laying out their clothes and packing their bags?

Why do you go to bed at 10.30 and try and stay awake, btw? I'm genuinely curious about this

Op, also consider reading up in ASD in females. I'm a sahm (vaguely helping out dh business) and have 4 primary aged dc. Like you, between 9-3, I unwind. I have a near 9 yo with ASD - she's 'fine' at school but very challenging outside of school. It might be good to post on the SN boards to get some insight. I know with dd my 'mental load' is even greater trying different 'things' to help dd. Dh and I have tried to share this, but the truth is I'm more patient!

What floofy just said

I'm not a morning person, DH is. I also have to be at work in a high-pressure role by 9.30am, while DH is self-employed and works mainly from home to his own agenda much of the time. So he takes 'the mental load' in the morning. Thats just how we divide labour, I guess.

DH does the packed lunches sorted, oversees DC getting ready, brings me my tea . I just concentrate on getting myself ready. Then I do DD's hair (only thing he is pathetic about) and do the school run en route to work.

Its pretty fair, I think.

Read up on pda op. Need to control another person is a common aspect of that. Along with jealousy.

This is our household, every morning.

4-ish am - wake, as DH has insomnia. Talk,listen to radio.

5.50 - Radio 4 Tweet of the day comes on, which is DH's cue to go and make coffee for me in bed, hot chocolate for DS (aged 7).

6 am - DH retires to the bathroom for his daily45 minute sitting on the toilet. Me up, DC clothes out, breakfasts, snacks, unload and reload dishwasher, dogs out, cats out, litter trays out for airing.

7.00- DH out of bathroom and dressed, me in bathroom for shower
7.20 - us all on school run / commute.

me in work by 8.45, and start the day.

Wow my mornings are easy but I have no kids.
DH does cats when he gets up and he leaves before I get up at 6.30am. If it a day I don't need to wash my hair I stay in bed till 6.50am. Then just have to sort myself up and get my lunch ready and leave about 8.15. I even have enough time to list to 30 minutes of my audiobook while doing my makeup.

Well if that's true about kids doing their own laundry and ironing, I would be very surprised. DS is very self-sufficient around school and has been for some years, but I don't ask him to do housework admittedly (or any of them). It's not being a martyr. I do it because I can. They have busy lives and need to unwind, that's how I see it. When the time comes for them to look after themselves they will have to get on with it.
I try and stay awake just to spend some time with DH, once they're all in bed, even just watching TV or talking.

Very little before 8am. Even when DD was small, probably not that much either tbh.

Now:

7:10am - get up, get shower, get dressed, whilst DH goes downstairs (having got up earlier and showered, etc) to make tea and DD's packed lunch
7:35am (ish) - gp downstairs, drink tea (that DH has made), put dishwasher on
7:45am - leave for work, teenager DD goes at the same time (having sorted her stuff out, packed her bags, made a coffee to take with her), with DH
8am - arrive at work

Me and DH have always shared the load before work. DH has always done the school run in a morning as he drives past DD's school (an did her primary too) - DD chooses to grab a lift with him over the bus, sometimes they have time to grab a quick Costa together, on the way.

Thanks Voidoid, I will do that.

Ds has started doing his laundry - he's just turned 16 but I've been encouraging it for about 6 months. Now I yell up the stairs" Pick up your clothes and bung them in the wash !"

I'm hoping in about 5 years time he'll have got the hang of it No ironing in this house at all.

I was responsible for my own laundry from the age of 12.

Haven't read it all got bored after first page I feel like I have done half a days work before I leave for work but DC's 12 and 13 now so they take responsibility for their breakfasts (but still leave cereal boxes out, don't put bowls in dishwasher and leave mess on work surface) and getting themselves organized and ready for school.