How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

Yes she holds it together at school and I've never been called in over behavioural problems. They think she is very quiet and polite. Then at home she's like an explosion and it's mainly focused on me. She's intensely jealous of the other DC, regardless of what I do. Talking about consequences has no impact on her. She's confrontational and obstructive, but can suddenly switch and be lovely. It's draining for everyone.

Not many.

I get up at 6am

Feed cats- let them out.
Make myself coffee.
Back to bed for half an hour.
Check emails etc.
Shower/dry hair
Empty dishwasher.
Load washing machine
No one eats breakfast or needs packed lunch
8am school run

So quite an easy morning.

5.30 - Get up
5.40 - Sweep out rabbits, clean and refill their hay box, litter box and refill water bottles.
5.50. Give DH a shout if he's not up.
6.00 - Shower/dry hair.
6.15 - Have porridge or toast and tea whilst making lunch box.
6.30 - Give DS a shout to get up and change/feed rabbits.
6 50 - Leave for work, dropping DS off at DM's.
7.30 - Go into morning handover at work.

A cleaner 3 days a week?????????????????????????????????????????? (and I can't believe I read this far)

OP, even if one child has issues, the rest are capable of defloofing themselves (or hang up in a suit bag over night, immediately on return from school).
And I'm sure the manchild can make his own coffee

YOu opened yourself to these comments by saying stuff like 'serve everyone breakfast'. Says more about how you see yourself TBH

Any one of the children is old enough to load and unload the dishwasher. YOu are not doing any of them any favours by helicopter parenting so they are not capable of organising themselves and expecting everything done for them

It sounds like you are happy with your role - I wouldn't be but it's your choice. Do you want to change anything?

Do you think your DD's issues are teenagers hormones?

Our children are grown up now so I only have to sort myself out. DH sorts himself.
However when the DDs were children all I did was make sure they were ready for school on time. Everyone got their own breakfast from about the age of 6 yes I was there to help if needed. Bags were packed and lunches made the night before. DH never expected a cuppa in bed in fact it's him who usually brings me one on my days off now

If you are happy with your role then it's your choice but no point in complaining how hard you work when a lot of these jobs are unnecessary and your choice.

If your DD is fine at school and you got nowhere with an Ed Psych perhaps she is just difficult at present rather than having an actual diagnosis. Some children are just very hard work.

The cleaner does NOT come 3 times a week. She comes 9-1 on Tuesdays and the same on Fridays. In that 4 hour session she hoovers, mops the floors, bathrooms and dusts a bit.

This morning

Get up 4:55
Drive DS to swimming pool for 5:30 training
Watch swimming for an hour and a half while checking emails and eating breakfast
Drive home from swimming
Cook a hot breakfast for DS and DD
Make packed lunch for DS and DD
Feed cats
Empty dishwasher
Iron uniform top for DS
Drive to school

Parker - teenager hormones are probably kicking in for sure, but there have always been significant issues.

I do very very little before 8am. 3 kids, 9,9 & 18. H and I both work full time.

Husband is up at 6, showered & dressed by 6.30. He empties the dishwasher from the night before, makes breakfast for smaller ones. I get up & shiweeed at 6.50, get them up at 7.10 and chorale them to breakfast. He makes their lunches if I haven't done it the night before. If big one at school (exams ATM) I make his lunch whilst he gets showered at 730.

I supervise girls getting dressed (to stop fighting) -get self dressed and face on by 740 ready to get bus at 750/8.

Husband empties bins, tidies up. Puts a wash on etc whilst having his tea. Washes breakfast dishes.

I'm a night person and do most stuff when I get in and later on. Husband in later than me and spends evenings mostly relaxing although does most of dishes.

Don't get it. I'd love that level of "mental load". Time is your own from drop off until pick up and you have a cleaner and cute cats. Sounds damn good. If your husband is at work all day and is otherwise kind and decent, why does he have to get up to bloody de-fluff anything? If you aren't happy being a SAHM that's another issue

Get your family to chip in and do their share. Unless they are all teeny tots. surely they can do things themselves? And your H should be helping too. The more you run around after them, the more they will let you / expect you to run around after them. Believe, me, I know fropm bitter experience!

So this morning as a example
Both up at 5:30,
Shower
Breakfast
Weed veg garden while DH brings in Firewood
Walk dogs
Make lunch while DH has quick sweep and tidy.

DH leaves for work at 7:10. I work from home

Wow OP, that is a lot. I work full time and have one daughter 16 months. On usual days; I get up at 6 (only so I can do C210K when no one can see me). Back in the house for 6.40, quickest of showers, make tea, air bed, boil an egg, minimal make-up and dress. Toddler up at 7.00 approximately. Change her, try and feed her and pack her bag. In work for 8.30.
I do most prep (food for toddler, separate washing etc) after dinner in the evenings and DH looks after himself.

OP, i only highlighted 3x per week for cleaner as that's actually what you said when you first mentioned it.

DC should be getting their stuff ready the night before (my dd had to do this after dinner or TV wouldn't go on )

The underwear on the floor is disrespectful to the cleaner but not to you?

Why the hell do you save the ironing for the morning?

My pre-8am morning, this morning.

Wake up about 6:45 feeling farty, as DH brings me a cup of herbal tea.
Wait for DH and DS1 to finish in the bathroom, then relieve the fartiness, as well as my full bladder.
Meantime, DS1 took out the clothes already at the top of his drawer and got dressed.
Use find my iPhone to find where DS2 stashed his iPod, last night. DH did the furniture moving to get to it!
Make myself coffee and a bowl of muesli.
Fill the sink to wash up DH and the boys' breakfast stuff.
Let DS1 out when his taxi arrives.
Eat breakfast. Drink coffee. Train my magikarp :o

I'm not judging how anyone spends their days as I'm a sahm to a teen but I'll be fucked if I run around after anyone de fluffing them!! there is a sticky roller in the utility room and he de fluffs himself with it- black uniform and cat hairs! - it takes all of 30 seconds. He gets changed the second he gets in from school.

If you're happy then that's fine and dandy but you're a martyr and are making work for yourself and doing your kids no favours on the long run.

Won't even comment on your dh!

7:30am taxi is for special school, btw - both kids have neurodevelopmental stuff going on.

What do you make them for breakfast?

I get up at either 6 or 7, washing load in, feed dog, emptdishwasher, iron uniforms if I haven't had them the day before, the older two dress themselves and make their own breakfast, but I have to do that for dd 7 -ASD) coffee, get everyone's bags sorted (tell the older ones to do it) make lunches, then finally have a shower at around 8 then school runs.

I also make DH a coffee every morning. He gets up, showers and goes. I am making one so it is only a second to make another and take it up.

I WFH. And home ed own child, but the home ed child is returning to school in September so our days are filled with that. Plus jusggling the usual household tasks. I also work outside the home in the evening and weekends.

TBH, your morning in the OP sounded completely normal to me.

Even having a cleaner twice a week is a lot for someone who doesn't work and has a lot of free time while the children are at school. Apart from breakfast the morning work could be done the day before. You don't need to justify your life/time but you will irritate people if you claim to be busy when you really don't have much to do at all in comparison to the vast majority of working parents.

Ha ha!

We don't have kids and DH gets himself up/makes his own coffee.

The cat gets fed by whoever is up first.

We have a black and white dog and a black and white cat, and tbh simply have some hairs showing on us most of the time. There is a sticky roller, but I'm short sighted and happy to ignore hairs I can't actually see.

Son is now 17 so gets up before me, I lie in bed until he has vacated the bathroom. He makes his own breakfast and gets his own clothes ready, has done for many, many years.

At about 7 I have a shower, feed the animals and make my own breakfast. Son has left by then so it's wonderfully peaceful.

I iron my own clothes, as I like ironed clothes. The kids can iron theirs if they want. They don't want.

I do most of the housework but my son offers to mow the lawn and does a bit of shopping every now and then. He has also learnt to put a load of washing on and sometimes cooks dinner.

The only martyric work I do is taking the dog for multiple long walks, but it also counts as sport.