How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

I get up, shower, get dressed, have breakfast, leave the house.

DH gets up, makes tea for us both, irons his shirt, showers, dresses, wakes the toddler, dresses the toddler, takes toddler to nursery and goes to work.

I have to leave before dd gets up usually which is why all that falls to him but I much prefer my morning to some of yours!

If DH is home he sometimes works away then I don't do very much tbh - he makes breakfast for DS and puts out the school uniform. My typical morning when DH is home looks like:
6.30am wake up and check the news, read emails
7am make sure DS is up and downstairs for breakfast
7.50am check DS' bag
8am check noticeboard for appointments for the day
8.20am leave for school run
If DH is away then I do all the above plus put out school uniform the night before and make breakfast in the morning.

Have you had conversations with your DH as to why he can't make his own coffee and breakfast?

I have a 5 & 2 year old. Sometimes if DH is home he'll get them up and breakfasted.

Night before I lay out uniforms and put reading book in bag and any homework.

Generally also have the toddlers clothes ready. Toddler goes nursery 1 day a week.

If DH not around then I get up with kids. Around 7ish. They play upstairs while I get ready then I go down and get them breakfasted and clothes. Teeth etc I then do the school run.

I can't eat early - I have meds I have to take on an empty stomach & diary affects absorption so I don't eat until after the school run.

Then I either go to baby groups. Supermarket etc or gym and put toddler in crèche. Sometimes put a load on - unload dishwasher etc

Not too stressful- toddler doesn't like the school run though

I really doubt that many people would get up that early to do things if they had all day to do them while the children at school. It's not as if you have much housework to do if you have a cleaner 3 times a weel. What you do with your time is obviously up to you but I think that most people are more efficient but then I suppose they need to be. You sound a bit like my retired father.....

I practically wait on my DP hand and foot because I choose to. He is an exceptional academic with ASD and before I met him lived in a shocking state. He actually qualifies for PIP even though he earns a high income.
After years of fighting for equality and with a track record in social justice I am now quite happy to pick up underwear, make dinner, do the shopping, look after the bills and organise everything.
I don't really care what others think. I've done my time in professional jobs, campaigned, voted for social justice and educated young women. I look forward to staying home and caring for my gorgeous, challenging DP. I am well organised and very efficient so I also get lots of time to myself. I wouldn't be doing this if I had to continue to work though!

Op- is your dh lying & breakfast in bed his me time in exchange for your time during the day? Does he pitch in & pull his weight with kids & house in evenings & weekends. I don't think his time in the morning is awful if that's the case, if he's allways the parent who does less of the 'mental load' & less parenting then that's a problem.

Between me & 3dc we have diagnosis' for asd/pda, adhd, spd, dyspraxia, dyslexia, disgraphia, hms/ed & chronic pain. Females with nuerodevelomental disorders often present with a pattern of over compensating and covering up difficulties. It's worth pushing for further assessments. Undiagnosed and untreated executive functioning problems are incredibly hard to live with. It's not as simple as teaching her to do things for herself unless you can pinpoint the problems. It's relatively rare to have just one developental disability on its own, so if she's still experiencing other difficulties once help for dyslexia is in place there's likely other things going on.

As I said in the OP, this is not meant to be a moan. I know I have it "cushy" in a way by not working.
I know I'm definitely not the only one who does similar in the mornings as other mums arrive at the school equally in a whirlwind. I wouldn't say I'm laughing all the way to Costa, as a PP phrased it, but I am glad to get there.
Parker- sometimes DH makes me breakfast in bed on weekends, but if he's going to work I've always done it for him. So I might as well do the kids as well.

I don't see why OP's DH should do any jobs around the house if she is a SAHP with school aged children and a cleaner.

At what age to you think your DC's should get themselves organized in the morning, prepare their own breakfast, pick up after themselves, operate kitchen appliances etc?

if it wasn't a moan, then what was it?

all you are describing is a lot of busy, followed by a chunk of time in which you do as you please. Which could be a description of anyone's day.

"I feel like there's a hole in the space time continuum and this thread has fallen into 1958"

yes so do I, and I feel as if the OP wants praise for it. Still baffled how the corduroy stuff needs ironing btw.

Get up at 6.30 then
Brew tea
feed cat
put on laundry load
make breakfast for DC
sort out water & snacks/packed lunches for DC to take to school
sort out any extra kit/forms etc DC need before school
help DS 2 (who has ASD) find tie/homework/travelcard/shoes
make coffee
feed cat again (he's elderly so needs breakfast in two stages or he chucks it up)
empty dishwasher
reload dishwasher
clean kitchen
answer work emails
make To Do list for the day

I've usually done all these by 8am.

I really don't know what is the problem with DD. She has anger /rage outbursts most mornings and several times an evening. She's not dyspraxia (DS is mildly, but overcome that mainly). It's why I can only get so much done in the evenings because she saps my energy completely. The homework is a real battle.

It's part of parenting. Dhs should wash up with the kids and read with them and teach them how to cook and be involved in school meetings wherever possible because kids need that input from their dad's too.

Why do you have a cleaner if you don't work?

I'd imagine it's for the same reason that you pay someone to cut your hair , fix your roof and make your clothes , even though many other people do that themselves .

I don't think the cleaner is just for the OP, I think she cleans the house for her DH and children as well,

I don't need to justify my existence at all Lord, but thanks for that.
I have been reading the 'mental load' threads and it made me think about the things that most women with kids do in the mornings without thinking about it really.

The cleaner comes twice a week. She does cleaning only. No laundry, beds or tidying.

Op get a book called the explosive child. It will help alot.

In addition I would be reading up on female presentation of asd & adhd because they are noticeable different from makes and mostly fall through the cracks (which does huge damage in itself). There are tick box assessment you can find easily online to give you an idea if that's a problem but its worth understanding how it effects girls differently first because it's so easy to misrepresent answers otherwise. Just as a point to explain that my first born is very sociable, extroverted popular child who is never short of party invites or play date requests. Yet she had asd. Her social problems aren't as noticeable because she bottles up her anxiety and acts very well. But she doesn't grasp why other kids do things/feel things (theory of mind) and as a result she doesn't understand her place in social relationships and worries terribley about it.

Apply that same type of difference to how easily a girls focus problems are dismissed as day dreaming or organisation deficits are scatter brained or girls are socialised to suck up how they feel and be calm and sweet can mask sensory sensitivitys. Pressumabley you've looked into school problems/bullying already?

What you have described certainly doesn't constitute half a day's work to me, if I did that amount in half a day at my job, I wouldn't have a job any longer.

I absolutely agree with you about the mental load but what's the point in being aware of it if you aren't prepared to change anything?

I do agree with your initial comments about the mental load. Certainly the case when I had a 'D'H.

Nothing.

Kids (age 8, 8, and 5) get their own breakfast. DH up at 7:30ish, makes lunches and supervises teeth cleaning and hair brushing. If he has breakfast he gets it himself.

I get up between 7:45-8:00 and do the normal stuff to get ready for work. DH makes me a sandwich as well.

He's a SAHD so pleases himself the rest of the day, so I think it's a fair trade tbh!

I don't disagree with you that women tend to pick up the home tasks like you mention - some of what you mention you do, if it was our house I'd likely have to tell DH to do it (actually maybe not, he washes dirty jumpers whereas I just baby wipe them ) but he'd do it cheerfully enough.

I lie in bed and read and mess on my ipad whilst DH brings me a brew and DD gets herself ready and off to school.

But, I used to get up at 6 am and drive to the stables to muck out my horse and do morning stables and walk the dog for 20 minutes before returning home at 7.30 to help DD get ready for school.

OP - your morning, your choice, and you do have the rest of the day free.

6am rise and on a work day:
Sort out uniforms.
Make lunches.
Sort out snacks/ drinks for kids at school.
My dh gets dd 6 ready and does the breakfast but i do most of it.
The other two get themselves ready.

On a non work day still all of the above but my dh takes the kids to school and i can laze around in my PJ's while they are at school!!!!!