How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

Sorry "shit" was probably too strong a word. Just as I thought this thread was about the extra, often unnoticed work that women do, I assumed your dh is not doing his fair share, even taking into account his working hours or whatever. Hopefully that's not the case and you have an equal relationship that works well for you both.

I am aware I do lots of things that my dp would not even think of, although he is better than many. I'm just not a morning person so these extra tasks usually take place at a later part of the day! I'm sure that will change when dd starts school.

In real life I have never met anyone with DC under the age of 15 who use the washing machine or iron. Never. (...) women taking up most of the slack in the morning because in my experience, they invariably do.
You move in strange circles, OP (and have experiences accordingly).

Get up at 6.30, shower, get dressed and do make up. Get toddler dressed and teeth brushed, make the beds, feed the cat, usually have a quick tidy and empty the bins if the cleaner is coming or put a load of washing on. Leave house. If the toddler is not being amenable then mornings are hell.

6.45 alarm
7.00 up
7.00 - 7.45 drag DDs out of bed and supervise dressing and teeth
8.15 drop at breakfast club
8.30 at desk ready to start work

My oldest aged 9 has Aspergers and is very sleepy in the mornings, her organisational skills are not great either. We need visual reminders and lots of supervision over and above what you expect for her age. I get the homework angst too.

She can load the dishwasher, put a load of laundry on, make a sponge cake and sort out her own breakfast though. She does less than most other 9 year olds I know because of her poor executive functioning.

Your lifestyle is not typical, but I'm sure you know that. I'm actually glad to have a poor husband who doesn't earn enough to keep me but can pick his own pants up from the floor and supervise his own children. We may only have the two bathrooms and no cleaner but I don't envy you one little bit.

DH does more mini tasks than me of a morning. I have to leave the house at 7.30 but he leaves at 8.10-8.20 if he's pushing it. I think it probably depends a lot on who has to leave first/has the longest commute.

I wake up, have breakfast, shower, breastfed DS and leave the house. Sometimes I make my packed lunch but if DS is awake and clingy DH makes mine while he's making his.

We're lucky DM or MIL sleep over the night before my work days so there's no getting DS up, dressed and breakfasted to worry about.

5.30/6am ish get ds his milk
6.00am take him downstairs and change nappy
6.10 make ds breakfast and empty dishwasher
6.15 feed ds breakfast then dress him
6.30 fill washing machine so it's ready to go on when we get home and take something out of freezer for dinner
6.45 pack ds bag for nursery (if I haven't done it the night before) then clean his teeth.
7.10 leave house to take ds to nursery and go to work.

Usually all while dp is still in bed (except tuesdays when he gets up to help as ds goes to grandparents so needs lots more things sorted), although he did get up this morning and did everything including take ds to nursery. This was the first time ever though!

This thread has induced a staggering amount of guilt in me... I'm on maternity leave with our only child, so my morning is:

6am DH gets up. If baby is awake he changes her nappy and brings her in for a feed (ebf)
6:30 DH brings me breakfast in bed, having cleaned the kitchen in the meantime.
7:30 DH goes to work, I play with baby, then put her down for a nap at about 8. I then go back to sleep...

This may change once she's stopped waking up multiple times per night, but I'm feeling lucky right now!

5:45am wake-up alarm make strong coffee
6:00am stop reading alarm
6:00am - 6:15am, set breakfast table, lay out uniforms, pack snack box, PE kit etc.
6:15am kids sit down for breakfast, drink 2nd coffee, chat about the day coming up etc.
6:15am - 7am shower, dress & put face on
7:10am leave with 3rd coffee
Repeat 5 days a week

On days I'm off
7.30 - wake up, get showered/dressed etc. Control 3dc's from killing each other
8 - make breakfast, pick out clothes for dc and iron. Make packed lunches
8.15 - do hair/makeup
8.30 - dcs get dressed and teeth brushes, bags organised
8.45 - leave house for school
9.15 - do dishes and housework
9.45 - enjoy a cuppa!

On work days
7am - get up, showered, ready for work while having Luke warm tea
7.30 get dcs ready for their dad coming
7.45 Dcs go to their dads
7.55 I leave for work with the house looking like a shit hole until I'm back at 7pm to put the kids to bed and tidy the house

Most of my morning jobs can be done the night before but to be frank I cba'd

645am, get up
645am-7am, make coffee, feed animals, let dog out
7am, "commute" to family room sofa to work
7am-530pm work

7am, get up, get dressed
7.30am, leave the house for work
7.30pm get home from work
I don't do much in the mornings, but I'm sure that will change when I have kids

I don't really understand what you do with your time for the rest of the day There's no way you need to buy fruit and fish everyday. I buy fruit once a week from lidl and it lasts!

You are definitely in the minority with how much you do for your kids. My DD is 10 and she puts her own washing on, makes her breakfast which is usually scrambled egg on toast, makes her lunch and makes me tea!
I'm currently on maternity leave so my mornings look like this...

6:30 Wake up to OHs alarm lay in bed and listen to the radio whilst he gets ready for work (he even manages to throw his pants in the washing basket!)

7:15 Make sure DD is up.

7:30 Get up, throw some clothes on for the school run.

7:40 Go downstairs and wait for DD to eat and put her stuff in the dishwasher.

8 Tell DD we are leaving, she makes sure she has everything she needs for the day.

8:05 Leave the house.

DD makes her lunch the night before. I then do washing, make dinner, hoover etc throughout the day.

OP-In 4 hours your cleaner manages to hoover, mop and dust a bit, I can deep clean my entire house in half the time!

m0j1to

Serious advice here :

I think you should treat DD1 as if she is autistic (because everything you've written here about her is screaming autistic), and respond to the executive function issues that it brings.
I think.you need to teach ds1 how to use the washer and how to look after himself, and concentrate on sorting out dd1's life - she'll need more help with this, and if she's "raging" after school each day, she needs to have time to calm down, to chill and reset. It's very likely they're meltdowns from holding it in all day.
When she gets in from school, give her food, let her wind down in her own way and then get her onto homework.

I don't really understand what you do with your time for the rest of the day you don't have to understand.

OP-In 4 hours your cleaner manages to hoover, mop and dust a bit, I can deep clean my entire house in half the time! Depends on how big your house is surely?

When she gets in from school, give her food, let her wind down in her own way and then get her onto homework that's really good advice and works well ime.

Not a morning person myself either. I'm STAHM with a baby and toddler. I'm quite lucky they get up at around 8am so I'm still sleeping. But if baby wakes up before then, I feed him In bed then get up do the morning routine and have breakfast. Which somehow seems to take forever compared to some people on here. Either I'm too slow or it's running around after my toddler

6.30am. DH gets up makes coffee for him and me. He does stuff downstairs. I stay in bed.

6.45.Dh shouts it is time for me and DS to get up. I call DS if he is not up by 7am

7pm. I get up, shower and dress. I tidy bedroom, make bed etc and bring down clothes to wash from previous day.

7.15pm. put on a load of washing. Load or unload dishwasher while DH and DS have breakfast that they have sorted out (I don't eat breakfast often)

7.25am DS leaves for. School and I Pfaff around a bit, wipe some surfaces, or sweep floor etc. Then leave about 7.40 for work.

DH works from home at the moment but when at his office leaves at the same time as me or earlier.

Then again DS is 12 so much much easier than with lots of small children to get ready for school.

What's with everyone with the the "lay the uniform out", can't your kids find their clothes themselves?

I wake up at 7.15, shower, get ready for work, give DS 10 mins notice that we're leaving so he's ready to go, he'll have dressed himself in uniform from his wardrobe, had breakfast, packed his school bag, - leave at 8am.

Pretty standard chez the boffins really. On mat leave so it's way less crazy.

Before 8am (wake up time varies) :

Get DD changed and bottle
Help DS get dressed, make his breakfast
Get myself dressed, splash of make up, breakfast. Shower ONLY if permission granted.
Load dishwasher.
Tidy round.
Try and make the bed. Make DS's bed.
Gather junk for car : DS's stuff for nursery, diaper bag, spare milk, etc etc.
DC'S watch Netflix whilst all this goes on.
Leave for nursery at 8.45am pick DS up at 3.45pm.

DD only 6 months so we're home together.

I dread to think what working will be like.

DH leaves at 7am and is back at 5pm.

7.30 alarm goes, press snooze
7.40 alarm goes, press snooze
7.50 alarm goes, press snooze
8.00 jump up, shout dc (age 5 and 9), shower
8.00 - 8.10 dressed, come downstairs
8.10 - 8.25 eat breakfast, drink tea
8.25 find shoes, coats, bags (all prepared the night before)
8.30 leave house (swear we'll get up earlier tomorrow)

I seem to be lucky I get up about 7.30 about time dh goes to work by which time the kids have had breakfast, got dressed and have their bags packed. Before 8 I have breakfast and a shower that's about it.

I really hate to say it, but Millie Dowler was filmed ironing. It might have been because it was strange, but I can't think of teens ironing without picturing that poor little girl.

So yes I can think of a child under the age of 15 ironing.

Yes, lots of women (and men) get a lot done before 8.00 but usually because they have to, whereas you choose to pad out your workload at a visible time of day.
It's mostly harmless, if that's your bag, but I don't think you are helping your children by coddling them so much, they need to develop independence skills and the disparity between your morning and their father's isn't a great paradigm for children of either gender.
You remind me of my mum.

I have 3DC ages 5,4 and 1. My 4 yr old has autism. I'm up at 5:30 and get myself ready. At 6am I get the 3 kids up starting with DS first followed by the baby and then my eldest. At 6:30am its breakfast and we leave at 7:05am. Normally the high school student I hired walks the kids to school but if she can't make it I do it. Kids are dropped off at 7:30am and I haul my arse to work to get there at 8:30 or so and run late all morning.

A lot of women on mumsnet do seem to create their own work (as have I) and you are one of them OP...!

Can't the lunch box making and shirt ironing happen the night before?
Can't DH do the cat work?