How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

Ok, so you acknowledge you are making a deliberate choice to do this stuff yourself even though there are options for others to take responsibility for more of their own stuff?

It seems a little unfair to then feel hard done by that you are doing a multitude of tasks which others aren't even aware of (your words from the OP).

Personally I think you should share the load (it seems the majority think your DC should be taking more responsibility for their own sakes anyway, to prepare themselves for RL). But if you choose not to share the load, it's unreasonable to feel hard done by. IMO.

On a "good" day:

Up at 6am - shower, getting ready
6.30 ish get kids up - have coffee, put washing on make pack lunch.
7ish make sure kids have breakfast (it's DIY in my house!) And take dogs out for walk.
7.45 back from walk ... make sure DD is ready to leave for school.
8am tidy up kitchen/ dishwasher / put on slow cooker/ put washing out / ... (it's really any combo of these!)
8.40 take DS to school

... DH usually comes in at 7am from night shift and starts frying all sorts of "smelly" food!

Op I have 3 teenagers, the youngest is 13

All 3 of them have been using the washing machine since they were old enough to understand how it works.

They also know that if they put one item of clothing that they want to wast that night on a 2.5 hour wash whilst ignoring the pile of laundry that isn't there's, I will kick off. 😂

I can't relate to your mornings at all
Dh feeds and walks the dog in the morning
Ds2 feeds the cat
Ds1 unloads the dryer and puts the overnight wash in
We all make breakfast and sort out our clothes and have a shower and make sure we have our bags and lunch etc according to our schedule. Dh leaves first. Then ds2. Then either me or ds1 depending on if he has a college day or a work day.

I set the coffee maker at night and who ever reaches the kitchen first pours it.

I think it's a case of finding things to do to fill your time rather than not having enough time to do things.

I can't imagine laying out ds2 clothes or checking his back or any of those things

I also have to say, my DCs regularly have friends over and a few of them (a minority) seem very surprised when my DC do things like make their own scrambled eggs in the morning, or that they know how to select a quick wash on the machine (to wash something they've just found on their bedroom floordrobe an hour before a party ).

These are older teens too, I do wonder how they will get on when they leave home. Plus the whole thing about setting the example that the person in the house who has a vagina does all the laundry...

I'm clearly a slacker, then! I get myself showered and dressed and DD(4) up and ready for school. Meanwhile DH is up before me, showers and dresses, makes my lunch and DD's packed lunch, then takes her to school. Oh, I forgot, DH also makes me a cuppa and brings it up while I'm in he shower! He's such a keeper

Floofy - but how do you know that your DC doing x,y,z is "normal" for that age group as a whole? Surely that's just what's normal in your house.
DH will occasionally (about once a week) put his sports kit in the wash, but never even thinks to take it out or what happens next. There will be DHs who do all the laundry and there will be others who never touch it. He's kind of in the middle.

I get up at 7.15 have a shower get dressed and leave the house at 8.15 (after reading the news for too long I'm usually rushing)

Kids 13 and 15 do everything for themselves

No man to worry about

Oh cat to feed

I do all my jobs and chores in the evenings as I am not a morning person

Of course what's 'normal' varies from family to family but the majority of children of senior school age will organise their own school bags/ sport's kit/ uniform, packed lunch, make their own breakfast, etc.
You seem to be doing all of this for them which is unusual and does not help them in the longer term.

As regards laundry/ ironing, most will do some out of necessity apart from anything else because most families have two busy working parents who can't manage work plus everything that you have described. Your situation is very different and you probably meet other mothers in a similar position with who have a lot more money and time than most. They are clearly not the average, however.

Ultimately, it is your choice but most posters on here appear to see quite a lot of negatives to your choices.

I also feel as if I am running around madly in the mornings OP. Times vary dependent if a work day for me or not but:-

DH gets himself up
Makes any lunches needed
Unloads dishwasher if I am working, otherwise I do it
Irons any clothes he needs

Me:-
Get up - almost always later than I had hoped
Shower and dress
Make coffee
Get milk for children if they want it (age 6 and 4)
Nag 6 year old to get dressed
Bring 4 year old outfits to choose from
Ask 4 year old 100000 times to get dressed - normally end up helping her
Eat my own breakfast quickly
Get their breakfast - they would like to do their own but the mess and waste of cereal is horrific
Load dishwasher
Do DD2's teeth and supervise DD1
Suncream DC
Do their hair
Check DD2's bag. DD1's needs checking as she will sneak lots of toys into school otherwise
Ideally before this hang out laundry
Run up and down the stairs loads and loads of times after them.
Ask DD2 multiple times to put shoes on
Leave the house usually upset about us all being late.

Really surprised by all the very young children that get themselves ready. DD1 fairly good but DD2 just runs around wrecking the place if left unsupervised .

Roomster - I've explained why most of the things in the morning can't be done in the day.

You haven't given any good reasons for why you can't:

1. have more than one school uniform so that there is a clean one put out the night before ready for the morning.
2. why you have to run around before 8 making sure the rooms are tidy/bathroom clean etc . Even on the two days your cleaner comes up bet there is time to do this once the children are at school. There is certainly no need to rush around on the other days.
3. why your secondary school age children aren't sorting out their own school bags/PE kit before they go to bed? It is important for them to learn how to be organised and do things themselves. The same is true for breakfast.
4. Your children can do music practice in the evening like other children.
5. the dishwasher and laundry can also be done during the day. i.e. when the children are at school.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't do the things in the morning that you do. I am just pointing out that you don't have to and neither do most other people even if they are far busier than you.

Wake up at 6.45
Go to kitchen, make tea for me and DH who is out walking the dog
Unload dishwasher
Breakfast or not
Make packed lunches for DC
DCs come down and make their own breakfast(teens)
Go upstairs, shower and dress
Leave for work 8am

I also would consider getting spare uniforms, will free up a lot of morning time, make your washing more efficient and cover you if the washing machine breaks, or they spill eyeliner on their jumper at 7.59am

If they're £££ (I know our high school ones are extortionate, and don't get me started on the PE kit...) maybe reallocating the cleaner money would be a better use? As you have 6 hours free in the day to clean and it would prevent you ironing each morning. But if you can afford it, do both!

Alternatively just don't iron anything, ever. Works for me oh and a quicker way to remove cat hair is to hoover the DC when they're dressed

I am home after lunch so any housework is done then. Uniforms are washed Friday night and ironed/ready on a Sunday night for the whole week.

5:45 am DH alarm goes off. DH gets up goes downstairs lets dog out, washes toddlers sippy cup, sets dishwasher on. I sleep.

6 am: DH showers and gets dressed for work. Takes out bins if need be. Irons his clothes. Leaves quietly.

7 am: I get up get dressed for work and prep breakfast. Have a cup of tea and read the news and do email. Check the garden.

7:30 am: DS wakes up and we spent next hour or so together at home eating getting him ready

8:30 we either have a walk with dog before my work or we go out in the car to do chores before I drop him off to Childminder's.

His bag shoes and socks are prepared the previous night by DH.

Before 8am, and excluding all the things I do for me (which aren't part of any 'mental load'):

Wake son if he's not already awake
Get son dressed (he's disabled)
Help son eat breakfast
Ensure son's schoolbag is packed
Make brew for DH (it's the only one I'll make him all day, generally he makes me brews)

So not a lot. I do let the cat in and feed him, but it's my choice to have a pet.

My morning runs very easily.
7am wake up gently (dh wakes the dds and gives dd2 breakfast)
7:30 have a shower and get dressed
7:50 do dd2's hair
8am leave the house, drop dd2 at cm house, go to work

Dd1 sorts herself out after we've made sure she's awake at 7. Dh sorts dd2 out and makes sure she's ready for school.

Get up at 0630
Shower, dress, dry hair, do makeup
Get DC up at 0700
Make DS1 egg or sausage muffin to take with him while he waits for the first of his two school buses
Make DS2 put on shoes (battle)
Leave house at 0730
Get to work at 0800. DS2 at same school so take him with me.

Get up at 6.30
Sort out dc x3 breakfast
Make beds and get out dc clothes
Wash up breakfast then get dc dressed (2 under 3)
Do my press ups and sit ups (very sad)
Have shower and get dressed
Put wash on and put any clothes away
Wipe down kitchen, empty bins and put hoover round.
Leave for school run about 8.15.

Yes I can easily wash and iron all the shirts in the day and that's what I do inc. DH's stuff.
The school trousers and skirts have to come from the school shops and are not cheap no, but even if I have the nanny ready the day before, they still need de-catflufging in the mornings anyway as the fluff dmfrin 3 cats seems to be in the air and wardrobes, so I might as well just go the ones they had on. The blazers are about £90 each and it's the same issue.
The ironing is not the issue it's the cat fluff! On my clothes as well.

Have them ready (no nanny here)!

The only thing I do in the mornings that isn't directly related to getting myself dressed and ready for work is to let the dog out and back in again.

Whoa that's a lot!

On work days I get up at 5, have breakfast and then leave for work at 6 and I leave OH to deal with getting DD up etc. but on the occasions that DD comes with me I wake her up when I get up, she gets herself dressed (she's 6) and usually gets her own breakfast depending on what she's having. And apart from having to remind her a few times to get a move on with getting shoes on, brushing hair etc. its all pretty smooth going with no 'extra' work for me (OH makes it more work for himself because he always picks her up out of bed and carries her downstairs - I just pull her blanket off and say wakey wakey she won't even let me carry her down the stairs because I fall down them so often she's rightly afraid!)

I have a very very extremely floofy cat so sympathise with that, and the extortionate uniform

But if the DC take their uniform off the second they come home, and hang it up (or straight from the washer/dryer) and you use those suit cover things you get for travelling, you probably wouldn't need to de-fluff (de-floof? ) so much.

I chivvy the children to wash, dress and get their bags ready etc.
I unload dishwasher
I hang a wash load (it's on a timer so it finishes)
I hear them read
I make my lunch and get myself ready for work

I'm setting myself up for ridicule here but we have a candle lit breakfast of porridge, fruit, toasts, smoked mackerel etc (not all everyday) It's just it's the one meal we all eat together

Sorry for typos. My phone is cracked.

The cleaner only skims the surface here because there are 3 living rooms, a dining room and quite a few bathrooms etc. Every day there is something to do just to keep on top of things. When she's here I try and stay out and not come back after the school run, so I like to leave the place in a state where she can just come in and get in with her job. The school is s 15-20 min drive away in good traffic so I can be an hour on the school run some days. If she's not coming , I can leave stuff to do myself later, yes.