Is DD being unreasonable? Won't come out for dinner for her dad's birthday?

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DD's dad (DH's) birthday is this weekend. DD is refusing to come out for dinner.

DH used to work 6 days a week and couldn't get any birthdays off. He has changed jobs and owns part of a shop now, he can pick what days he goes in, but if his part of the shop isn't opened, he obviously won't take any money, so does that 6 days too. He hasn't taken any of the kids' birthdays off as he still needs to go in. He has a couple of times not opened up so he can go to a wedding and also to go for one day out with his old work mates. But apart from that, has gone in.

DD's argument is he hasn't made any effort on her birthdays and if he could not go in for those 2 times I've mentioned, he could have stayed off for one of her birthdays. I do see what she means, but he was working, she won't be! She's 15. Is she BU?

@hunterhearsthelmsley (love the name) I totally agree. I would be withdrawing from her all the products of her father's Labour that she enjoys short of abuse of course. Then she can realise in practical terms what her father is working to give her on a daily basis which is more important than birthday.
God, now I know where all these women who throw hissy fits when their husband, children etc don't hire a marching band and dance attendance on them come from. They start from girls like her. Presumably types like OP daughter will graduate to those who demand a birthday week and or a birthday month when they grow up like some of the anecdotes posters here talk about.

fatdogs you are missing the point. His behaviour shows birthdays are not his priority. The op hasnt said they would loose money or not be able to pay for the roof over their head if he took 2 hours, once a year.

He could have shown that birthdays are important to him.

You clearly have issues and projecting them on to a 15 year old.

But if I was him I'd certainly turn off the money tap for a bit. Pay for food and uniform, but reluctant to pay for more, since the extra work is being used against him. Plus my birthday treat would certainly be during DD's school hours.

Nope, SINBU. Your DH is.

My dad owned his own business too, but he always managed to take my birthday off and spent a lot of time with me.

I'm perfectly able to discipline my children without abusing them. As are the majority.

@leda stop with the armchair diagnosis. I am projecting maybe in terms of being angry but my basic stance is perfectly reasonable as seen by other posters who have agreed that she should be shown in real practical terms what her father is working for and to develop some as If gratitude.

That's great @bishopbrennasarse. I never suggested you couldn't.

I'm confused: do you live in the 1930s? Who is able to take their child's birthdays off from work?

She needs a job ASAP. Because the reality of the economy in 2017 is going to be really big shock for her.

In my country such a suggestion would also be met with a good hard slap across her face for disrespect to her own father. But it is illegal here to do that.

And with good reason @fatdogs you sound a delight.

leda ...the op has said that her DH was home in time to spend an evening with dd or do an evening celebration/birthday dinner etc..so its not as if he ignored her birthday and made it low on priority list. This is normal..and I really think this is a case of an over entitled stroppy 15 year old who needs a wake up call that real life sometimes means compromise and not always being the centre of everyone attention, birthday or not

I'm just amazed that anybody thinks it's reasonable for the dad to take a whole day off for his child's birthday!

Me, too. My parents never did; DH and I never did; my now adult children don't. Birthday celebrations happened when work and school were not affected. However, I do think that there are other issues at play in this situation, and that DH needs to talk to DD and try to work them out.

No she's not. His birthday is not more special than hers.

becotide...i dont see the OP saying her DH is asking DD to take time off from a job, or to not go to a social event or something important, they just asked her to go for a meal with them for his birthday and this is exactly what the OP says he did offer to do for dd but she CHOSE not to have that as her celebration , she CHOSE to have birthday celebrations during the day when her father had to work so i do not see how he is making his birthday more special than her s ?

OP....my advice would be that you and DH smile sweetly at DD and say 'ok that's fine dd....' and just go without her...i think she is looking for attention and being a madam.
If you have younger children an even better ploy might be ' oh that;s ok dd, infact daddy and i think we will make it an adults only dinner, seeing as you dont want to come, so you can babysit for us..marvellous'

I dont think your dh is being UR. Your dd has to realise that being a grown up is providing for the family. If he did not work, he couldn't provide for the family. Not working meant he would not have a roof over her head, food on the table and bills paid.

He had adult responsibilities, and he would have been there on the night time if he could have been,in the same way of her birthday fell on a school day she had her responibility to attend school, and celebrate afterwards.

I personally find it selfish and sad that your dd is holding this over him.

*Nope, SINBU. Your DH is.

My dad owned his own business too, but he always managed to take my birthday off and spent a lot of time with me.*

Did you take the day off school? Didn't
Your mum or was it in the evening?

I'm confused: do you live in the 1930s? Who is able to take their child's birthdays off from work?

We take the kids birthdays off. It's called using a holiday allowance for the things that matter to you.

I have to work on birthdays (teacher) and we just do something another day. Has he done this?

Is there anything stopping him from paying someone else to man the shop for him on occasion?

*I'm confused: do you live in the 1930s? Who is able to take their child's birthdays off from work?

We take the kids birthdays off. It's called using a holiday allowance for the things that matter to you.*

Do your children take a day off school?

What time does your husband come home in the evening? Did she not want to wait around to celebrate because he wouldn't get home until late? Do you ever do fun things on his day off? I suppose if he got home around 5.30 and you would go to the zoo at the weekend then yes your daughter probably is just being stroppy but if he didn't get home until 7.30 and didn't like to do anything on his day off then maybe she has a point.

I think she is being unreasonable. I get why to a 15 year old it might seem unfair him closing for 1 day to go out with his friends but not her birthday but everyone needs a day off to go have some fun every now and then and it isn't a regular thing he does.

Neither of my parents took days off for our birthdays growing up, tbh birthdays weren't a huge deal and 1 year I remember the evening of my birthday was spent driving my dad into London for his Christmas work party, It was the one day a year he went out like that and I accepted that.

My 6 year old understood last year that his dad was working on his actual birthday (he does long shifts so is gone from 5.15am until late) so we celebrated his birthday on a different day instead. I think if you had done this from a young age there wouldn't be an issue now.

Tbh I would leave her at home if that's what she wants, a sulking 15 year old won't be much company anyway.

Wow! All these replies. Will read through them now.