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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for your most appalling examples of sexism?

286 replies

Biscusting · 06/06/2017 20:38

I've learned over time and with bitter experience my dad is terribly sexist. Every time I see him he has something grim to say that erodes my soul and chips at my confidence.
I won't give examples of his crimes but his father -my grandfather- had several girls and my father was his only son. When my fathers siblings went on to have children of their own, they all had girls (7 in total). My grandparents said practically nothing, but then they rarely seemed to at significant events.
When my younger brother was born, my grandfather went to visit my mum in hospital. He had never visited after any of the births of his other grandchildren and presented my mum with a single red rose, then left. HmmConfused

Cheer me up with some of your tales.

OP posts:
exbrummie · 06/06/2017 21:16

On finding out dh's boss is a woman FIL said"i couldn't take orders from a woman"!

zeebeedee · 06/06/2017 21:16

Maybe not the worst ever, but very blatant, and recent. My colleagues car broke down just outside work, she phoned me, and I went out with my car to try and jump start it. It didn't work and she phoned the garage. Partway through the conversation, she handed me the phone....
Me - hello?
Sexist Idiot Garage Man - ummm
Me - hello?
SIGM - um, oh, I thought it was going to be a gentleman. I was going to suggest something you could try to get the car started, but if you're a lady, I think it will be better if I just come and pick XX(Colleague)up.
Me - ShockHmmWTF!

Meeep · 06/06/2017 21:17

Pictish I'm sorry your dad said that to you. I wish I could go back in time and give 8 year old you a hug.
And actually I'd also kick your dad of the past in the shins.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 06/06/2017 21:18

A police colleague who joked to people we were taking statements (for my massive fraud investigation) from that I was only there to wash up the mugs for the tea. He nearly died under my glare, and I absolutely went for him (verbally) back at the office making my opinion of him known in no uncertain terms. It wasn't the first time he'd demeaned me like that.

apricotmoon · 06/06/2017 21:25

Being told by a woman that it'll be a lot better for me in the long run if I had a man in my life because we are apparently nowhere near as capable and prone to histrionics. "Oh but who will help you sort out the finances?" "Do you really want to spend all your time working?" "I feel so safe when my husband is with me, surely a woman will only bring on drama and more baggage!" Bloody fantastic, really.

darceybussell · 06/06/2017 21:26

My dad is a bit daft too - he said to me that he didn't think that women have what it takes to be directors of big companies.

When I asked him to explain why he said 'there's a reason women aren't on the front line in wars - it's because they don't have what it takes to look someone in the eye and then kill them. And being a director is similar to that.' Confused

Original poster
Biscusting · 06/06/2017 21:27

Just thought of a few. When discussing what the local schools were like vs the nearby private. Ddad interrupted to remind me we had girls, so spending on education wasn't worth it if they have babies. Shock

When we were little my dad used to take my brother fishing and to golf despite DB having no interest in these hobbies and me pleading to be allowed to go instead or as well as.

OP posts:
Mercedes519 · 06/06/2017 21:31

I test drove a car and the guy asked me 'when is your husbands car up for renewal?'.

We complained to his boss and he got a bollocking. And they didn't get MY business...

nctime · 06/06/2017 21:32

I've got some shocking ones but this one did amuse me.

On a date at tgi Fridays. I order the chilli burger with loads of sides. Date can't stand spicy food and was a healthy eater so ordered a salad.

21 year old waiter automatically gives me the salad and my horrified date the chilli burger, with a huge scotch bonnet on top. I gave the waiter hellish banter for that one.

PurplePidjin · 06/06/2017 21:34

My mum posses no less than four MyWaitrose cards after they insisted on putting Mrs DadsInitial Surname on them, then when corrected addressing her as Ms etc until they got it right with Mrs HerInitial Surname

My mum rocks

PurplePidjin · 06/06/2017 21:35

As a result I'd been married 2 whole years before I was addressed as Mrs DHname Surname

YoullNeverWeeAlone · 06/06/2017 21:39

Nctime we had similar in States on holiday. DH ordered granola with fruit, me the pancakes with eggs and bacon and anything else they offered.

Look on waiter's face as he put plates down wrong way round and I calmly switched them with DH was Grin

DarthMaiden · 06/06/2017 21:39

My "best" experience.....

I love cars and I've had a career that has enabled me to indulge my passion wrt to buying (I was going to type within reason, but maybe that's the wrong expression) some gorgeous vehicles.

Anyway....I'd ordered a very lovely German sports car.

I was hugely excited and when I drove to the showroom to pick it up I saw my lovely new car parked in prime position in the showroom (by the doors ready to drive out).

As I walked up to it with a huge smile a male member of the showroom staff walked up to me and said "beautiful, isn't it?".

I said "Yes, it looks amazing, I can't wait to get behind the wheel".

He then said "Oh you're collecting it then? I bet your husband is gutted he couldn't pick it up himself for the first drive". Hmm

My retort "No he's not gutted as it's my car, chosen, spec'd up and paid for me - I'm your customer not a delivery lackey and if you want me ever to buy another I'd suggest you start treating me as such".

He went Blushand I went to reception and asked for the manager and told him his misogynistic staff were not doing his business any favours.

The car however was fabulous (but I didn't buy my next from that showroom out of principle).

DarthMaiden · 06/06/2017 21:43

Oops - "paid for by me"

Original poster
Biscusting · 06/06/2017 21:46

The waiters guessing the orders reminds me of the penis portions threads. My parents both do this to me and my brother. My weight is scrutinised despite being a size 8 and everything I eat is commented on, with "you don't need to eat it all if you don't want to" sprinkled in for good measure.

OP posts:
Patriciathestripper1 · 06/06/2017 21:48

My first job was as an audio typist. (Back in the day)
Fed up with public transport I bought myself a moped.
When I arrived at work wearing pants the boss called me into the office and told me I had to wear a skirt around the office (it was 1983)
So I had to change every day at work.

pictish · 06/06/2017 21:50

P.s In hindsight I wasn't hideous at all. I just didn't look like his idea of a pretty little girl with blonde hair and big blue eyes. I was dark in colouring and all wellies and tangles, dirty fingernails and skinned knees.
My dad values what he thinks of as 'femininity', which is basically wearing nice dresses and make up, being 'sexy' and deferring to him on every topic even though he's pig ignorant about most.

Original poster
Biscusting · 06/06/2017 21:50

Darth that's just beautiful, well done

OP posts:
reallyanotherone · 06/06/2017 21:59

He made a comment about my wording and I said I work in a solicitors. He asked me if I was a secretary. My face did this hmm but to his credit he immediately apologised and said he should never have presumed.

I work in a hospital. When I mention where I work I am always asked "oh are you a nurse?"

Doesn't matter if they are male, female, also work for the nhs so should know better, nobody ever asks me what i do, always if i'm a nurse.

42andcounting · 06/06/2017 22:00

Working as a trainee in an accountancy office in 1990, I was too skint to buy tights one week so went to work in black trousers. I was taken into "the office" by the most senior female member of staff and told that "Young ladies are expected to wear a skirt suit with tights and court shoes. Please do not repeat this behaviour again." Seems like the dark ages now Grin

Original poster
Biscusting · 06/06/2017 22:02

Pictish my dad has similar views on looks. He'll prefer the very feminine looks. Skirts, long hair etc but too much leg or cleavage on show and they're 'asking for it'

Asking for what, I don't want to know what he means.

Also couples having babies out of wedlock not appropriate. My cousin having children in her early twenties to her long term boyfriend happened because she "couldn't keep her legs shut"

OP posts:
lifetothefull · 06/06/2017 22:02

Just to balance things out. Orthodontist didn't want to bother explaining about DDs braces to DH as clearly it's the mum who knows all things related to dc so she would just wait until next time when I'm there.

AntiopeofThemyscira · 06/06/2017 22:07

My ex FIL doesn't "believe in dishwashers, women don't need them". They live in a furnished apartment with a dishwasher. It's never been used in all the time they've lived there. My ex MIL said her life wouldn't be worth living if she used it.

Micah · 06/06/2017 22:10

My mum, recently widowed, but having a hefty monthly death-in-service payment equivalent to a very good wage. So perfectly capable of servicing debt etc.

Went to debenhams to treat herself to a set of suitcases for an upcoming holiday. Sales assistant pointed out a special offer- take out a store card and get a discount.

Duly went and filled out all the form, only for the finance guy to come down and say he needed her husband to sign the application. Explained recent widow, to which the finance guy said he couldn't authorise the card, as she had no man to support her and provide an income.

This was in the 80's.

user1492324666 · 06/06/2017 22:12

May not be quite what you're looking for, but I am often shocked at sexism delivered by women against men, particularly around child rearing.

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