£10 too small a gift for wedding

[poggybum]

I've changed my username in fear of being recognised I wonder what people's opinions are on only putting £10cash in a card for a relative I can't stand and doesn't currently talk to me but I have to go to the wedding (long story) DH & I are on a super tight budget right now and barely break even at the end of the month right now. The bride and groom have asked for cash and I know I'll get an aggressive call from my mum because the bridezilla is obsessed with money and will likely complain to her. I feel embarrassed because I know the bride will tell everyone but I don't want to take money out of savings for her. AIBU to stick to my guns on this one?

Could you write a really nice thoughtful letter and make it look nice - a bit crafty? Maybe get your DCs/husband to write things to? Make it look like you've gone to a big effort, but not include any cash? That way if she gets shitty you can be all 'we tried to make you something you could keep and remember, given that we're a bit strapped for cash we thought it would be more meaningful'.

You will look thoughtful then, not tight
Umm...no she won't

poggybum you don't want to go but if you snub your sister on her wedding day, it will probably cause irreparable damage to the already strained relationship.
Could you borrow money off someone to make up the £50 and pay the person back later?
If you ever want to have any type of relationship with your sister in future, it is best to make the effort.

'A relative got married last month and was complaining to DM how tight some guests were. According to DM £150 is about right for a couple attending, in order to cover your plate and a bit extra. Anything less than that is an insult hmm As she was being all catsbum face about it I was remembering MN threads about how no one expects presents. I was delighted that I got to use the MN "It's an invitation, not a summons" grin'

Yeah, this is becoming more and more common, the wedding as a profit-making vehicle. Get the guests to pay for it! And your honeymoon, too! After all, they should all be so grateful you've deigned to invite them.

If people want to 'cover their plates' they'll go to a restaurant. The food is probably far better than wedding food. Just be done with it and charge admission to the wedding rather than beating about the bush.

This is your chance to make a clean break, OP, by not going.

I was horrified that this is apparently common thinking expat and I told DM I won't be going to any more weddings if that is the attitude. What made it worse is that this wedding was in the back end of nowhere, so if you wanted to have a drink then you had to stay overnight at the venue. But still, the guests should appreciate how much the B & G have paid for them to eat so you should be so grateful and pay up

I got married, I chose £60 a head meals. It never occurred to me that peoples GIFT should cover their costs. We had a couple of grand on cash gifts used on little trips and treats, not to pay off credit cards because we had a budget in cash and we stuck to it. Jesse even for the £150 in the card I wouldnot want some of the mercenary people of this thread at my wedding

Who goes in to debt for a gift?

Didn't you post about this previously and hadn't you decided to get a photo frame or something similar?

'I told DM I won't be going to any more weddings if that is the attitude. What made it worse is that this wedding was in the back end of nowhere, so if you wanted to have a drink then you had to stay overnight at the venue. But still, the guests should appreciate how much the B & G have paid for them to eat so you should be so grateful and pay up hmm'

It's generally just that type of wedding that comes with a tout for cash and an attitude like that. Hope the B&G got very little and are lumped with a big bill for their overblown wedding they expected people to pay for them.

Daily Mail's picked this up.

think you are in a no win situation no matter what you do. so yes go and appease you mum etc.
get her a lovely card, cos you are better than her and no one can question your lack of care. but i wouldn't put anything in card.
And no way in hell would i be taking money out of hard earned savings especially when things are so tight for you each month.
you're her sister, whither for legitimate reasons or stupid fake for show ones she wants you there. and so you and your family will be there to celebrate with her and so no one can ever call you out on it.
weddings are celebrations of the couples loves and are to allow family and friends to celebrate with them.
Gifts of any value are a lovely thing to receive but should never be expected or demanded! and if she chooses to complain it shows what a waste of space she is and is therefore undeserving of anything from you.

Warning to posters; The fail has a direct link on the article to this thread.