£10 too small a gift for wedding

[poggybum]

I've changed my username in fear of being recognised I wonder what people's opinions are on only putting £10cash in a card for a relative I can't stand and doesn't currently talk to me but I have to go to the wedding (long story) DH & I are on a super tight budget right now and barely break even at the end of the month right now. The bride and groom have asked for cash and I know I'll get an aggressive call from my mum because the bridezilla is obsessed with money and will likely complain to her. I feel embarrassed because I know the bride will tell everyone but I don't want to take money out of savings for her. AIBU to stick to my guns on this one?

£10 for a sister almost feels like more of an insult than nothing IMO. How would you feel about not even sending a card - just do the attendance for your mum's sake?

If you aren't speaking then don't go!! Let her rant to your DM, you don't have to justify yourself, as her DDs she should know about your relationship

Don't know. Affect a prior engagement if necessary

Don't go

@HeddaGarbled that's what I'm worried about- I'm not looking to cause any more strife and I think she'd see it as an insult. DH wants to do a donation to charity on her behalf because he feels she won't appreciate it and he would rather someone else benefit from it. He's stuck on the oxfam goat idea!! Lol

Wobbly would you take £100 out of savings to give to someone who's treated you terribly as Stated in follow up posts ?

OP do the tenner ! Hope you enjoy the day best you can

It's not a tricky one. You don't like them.
Don't go.

That is tricky. In that situation I'd give £50 back (unless it means you can't eat this month or something equally drastic). I just think I'd rather be that person and feel like we'd been equal even after the fall out. Also, it would play on my mind, and I'd feel bad, and I'd be waiting for a reaction etc, all much more painful than parting with £50.

I'd worry that a tenner would go down badly as an implied insult. Probably better to give a ten pound bottle of fizz instead or flowers.

The charity donation is not a bad idea - makes your point in a way that would be difficult for her to call you on. Clever DH

I would put a penny in and a note saying "invest wisely. Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves".

On a more serious note I wouldn't go and wouldn't give anything in those circumstances.

Your savings and being unable to manage at the end of the month sounds odd.

If you give her anything, give her what she gave you. She can't complain, then.

Don't go!

Don't send a card!

Who gives a crap about appearances? If she has treated you that badly you owe her nothing.

*Don't go!

Don't send a card!

Who gives a crap about appearances? If she has treated you that badly you owe her nothing*
^^ THIS!

I wouldnt go at all. It feels fake because it is, sibling or not.

Don't go. Send a card. No money. Your mother is as bad as your sister.

Your savings and being unable to manage at the end of the month sounds odd.

But they are breaking even at the end of the month, if only barely?

Your savings and being unable to manage at the end of the month sounds odd

Whats odd about not having a lot of money?

Could you ask your Mum and send a card from your Mum and you together with your Mum's cash gift?

Or... could you get her am Amazon voucher and then spend it yourself. Hopefully by the time she gets round to spending, realising it doesn't work she will with have forgotten, won't speak to you to ask or of she does you can take a while to 'contact Amazon to work out what went wrong' and either buy her a new one or make up a story about not being able to afford to replace and how sorry you are...

I'd send a card but not any money. If she moans look all surprised and say you put £20 in the envelope , she must have missed it.......

I think just a card would look less insulting than a card with a tenner in it. I also think that giving siblings money is a bit weird.

@ImperialBlether not sure how it sounds odd... we just about break even and it's just because of our situation "right now"

Now is the time to stop jumping to the "family's" tune. You don't like her, you're skint, don't want to go, so don't go. You're an adult. Stop giving in to bullying tantrums. It's liberating.

I'd urge you not to attend but send a card. Failing that, just give a card, or a marriage-themed charity gift not a goat, or a bottle of bubbly.

It all depends on whether you want a relationship with her in the future. If you do, give her £50, go to the wedding and try to ignore her where you can. If you don't, just send her a card. If you do write that card, make sure that whatever you say can't be used against you, eg you should write something like, "Because you haven't spoken to me for X..." - that way she will know in her heart of hearts that you're right.