£10 too small a gift for wedding

[poggybum]

I've changed my username in fear of being recognised I wonder what people's opinions are on only putting £10cash in a card for a relative I can't stand and doesn't currently talk to me but I have to go to the wedding (long story) DH & I are on a super tight budget right now and barely break even at the end of the month right now. The bride and groom have asked for cash and I know I'll get an aggressive call from my mum because the bridezilla is obsessed with money and will likely complain to her. I feel embarrassed because I know the bride will tell everyone but I don't want to take money out of savings for her. AIBU to stick to my guns on this one?

You can't buy 2 pints for £10 these days, personally I'd say it's a bit insulting to give so little. I'd give more than that when not able to attend and evening do

I would just not give a gift. I hate the expectations for gifts. I did not expect gifts at our wedding, and now thinking about it certain family members did not give us anything but I have never thought worse of them. £10 seems to more wrong somehow.

Thanks for all the replies. I wish she wasn't such a cow in the first place because I do feel like I could make more of an effort and stretch to more than £10 but my stubbornness is not allowing me to. I'm sick of being a doormat with her

You really shouldn't go.

£25 is the minimum I would give for a cash gift. If I couldn't afford that, then I'd try to buy a gift that looks more expensive than it is eg a nice photo album or frame. Just because she has asked for cash doesn't mean you have to give it. And if she or your mum complain, well that says more about them.

I wouldn't go though. If she already isn't speaking to you and your mum is the type to give you grief about a "cheap" gift, then it sounds like you have nothing to lose.

Don't go. I wouldn't want someone at my wedding under duress.

Well some of my wedding guests didn't put anything in the card and gave no gift at all which is rude IMO. If £10 is genuinely all you can afford it's fine but otherwise it's pretty mean. Standard for me would be £50 per person attending.

If you really must go then I agree with pp who said buy another gift like a vase that can easily look more expensive.Wedding gifts should not be a case of meeting demands.

If you have to go, buy a gift with your tenner (photo frame or something). Don't give her the opportunity to let he call you a skinflint to others.

Can't you just wrap something up you don't want anymore? An old vase, a photo frame?

I'd have a terrible case of D & V on the morning of the wedding and hide at home. And then I'd forget to give them a card. I couldn't give someone I hated a present.

I think I recognise your posts..... 🤔

Honestly, I think £10 is too little. It's an amount that will scream to the person receiving it that you gave it to cause upset and offence. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess if that's your intention (which I fully understand why it would be given the history ) then go ahead but I think if I were you I'd give £30 or £40.

The counting up of previous gifts is a bit tacky too. I'd try and stop the drama and give a more normal amount then avoid her forever more.

Depends how much you can afford and how close you are to them/how much you like them.

Given what you've posted I'd say a tenner is fine.

Be ill on the day and cancel. No card and no awkwardness. Diarrhoea and vomiting.

£50 per person attending!! So £100 per couple. Gosh I think that's dreadfully grabby.

I'd go personally, unless you really want to ruin the relationship with her for a long time and make things difficult with your mum. I'd spend £10 on a picture frame or something - so she can't put an exact price on it. Go and spend the day with friends and family, treat it as a chance to catch up?

Don't give money. Buy something from a charity shop for a quid and give it to the happy couple, with a dazzling smile. She's your sister, so will always be in your life, so it's not worth the intentional insult of putting a tenner in a card on her wedding day. A pretty vase/photo frame/album/ornament doesn't carry the same sentiment. Only YOU will know it cost a pound.

I wouldn't give £10. I think that looks mean, and it's v clear how little you gave. Better to give a charity donation, or a modest gift

Just send a card unless you are wanting to make a point.

When I got married, my brother in law and his girlfriend gave us £10 as that's all they could afford, and we were incredibly grateful. If they're not reasonable people they might be annoyed... but if you don't like them anyway, then who cares!

Lying and saying you're ill is not really fair and will please no one (except maybe your mum). They will likely have to pay way more than £10 per head for meals which will be wasted.

I really wouldn't go at all.

Another one here saying don't go. I'd find giving just £10 dreadfully embarrassing and to be honest she doesn't seem worth your embarrassment.

My siblings gave us £10 each. Ffs.

I would tell her you're not going. I suppose if it bothers your mum that much what people will think, tell her she can say to other guests that you have a mysterious virus

I'd be chuffed if our guests each gave us £10, tbh. Would pay off a chunk of the wedding in one go, happy days. If there's no chance of reconciliation in your relationship, then don't worry about the cash, or even a card. She'll probably complain either way, may as well make it easy for her and be £10 up!