£10 too small a gift for wedding

[poggybum]

I've changed my username in fear of being recognised I wonder what people's opinions are on only putting £10cash in a card for a relative I can't stand and doesn't currently talk to me but I have to go to the wedding (long story) DH & I are on a super tight budget right now and barely break even at the end of the month right now. The bride and groom have asked for cash and I know I'll get an aggressive call from my mum because the bridezilla is obsessed with money and will likely complain to her. I feel embarrassed because I know the bride will tell everyone but I don't want to take money out of savings for her. AIBU to stick to my guns on this one?

You have to decide yourself what kind of person you are and not what kind of person she is. If you are a kind and generous person give her a proper gift. If you want to stoop to her level then give a miserly 10 and keep the drama going. You are only responsible for your own values not hers. Give a proper present and at least you will not be a total hypocrite turning up to her wedding. You will never go wrong doing the decent thing.

If things are as bad between you as you say you would be best to decline the invitation. If you go and give £10 she will likely delight in telling everyone how tight you are. I personally wouldn't go to any event and accept someone's hospitality all day and put in such a small gift. If I was on hard times like you say you are, I would dip into my savings (which you say you have). Presumably you knew the wedding was coming up?

If you.dont like them then don't go.

I remember receiving gifts of money for our wedding from friends, a few people gave us £10 and some gave more. We never thought anyone was tight to only give us a tenner, we didn't invite them in the hope of getting money and presents!

would be quite shocked if someone I was no longer on speaking terms with had the temerity to show up at my wedding

If you invite someone to your wedding it would be very silly to be shocked that they might actually attend.

I would send a card, no money or better still don't go. Drinks etc will cost you money, spend it on wine and chocs for yourself. Your mum and sister can worry about "keeping up appearances" but she treated you horrendously and your mum should respect that and support you X

I'd be mortified to give anyone £10, I'd rather just give a card. Maybe a nice bunch of flowers and prosecco delivered the morning of the wedding so you can be the bigger person?

Either don't go if you can't afford to, or give a card and a bottle of bubbly. Such a small amount of cash will seem like a snub, which it is.

A card with no cash in and then how about decorating a horseshoe with the wedding colours, shouldn't cost much, but more personal to please mum then decide if your going

*would be quite shocked if someone I was no longer on speaking terms with had the temerity to show up at my wedding

If you invite someone to your wedding it would be very silly to be shocked that they might actually attend.*

Baby if you read the thread it appears the relationship has deteriorated since the couple got engaged and organised the wedding - so OP was invited and has since ceased to be on speaking terms with her DSis.

If I had fallen out to that extent with someone who I had invited to my wedding ages ago, I would be most surprised if they showed up, and think they were very rude.

Don't embarrass yourself by giving €10 to your sister as a wedding gift. I suspect you could stretch to €50 without much/any difficulty and if you can't, then don't give a gift.

Would you go to a wedding of anyone else and put €10 in a card?

Dilly they barely break even at the ebdo f the month, I doubt she can muster £40 from thin air. People should be grateful not sneer because they want a bigger present

Momma she's said she has savings. £40 isn't going to affect those

I honestly don't understand why you are going to the wedding. There would be flying pigs in the sky before i would attend a wedding of someone who I didn't like or speak to, family or not.
Do you honestly think she wants you to go, maybe your mum has been aggressively telling her she needs to invite you.
Do both of yous a favour and don't go.

£10 is fine, people can be so greedy

I'd forget the cash and buy a rose bush with a romantic name.

Why should she have to dip into their savings? What kind of person opens a card with a tenner in and thinks it's rude? How bloody rude and entitled are some people

It's not rude, it's cringy and insulting and OP knows it's going to cause upset. It's attention seeking.

I would hardly all £40 "dipping into savings".

Depends how skint she is.

And I still think its spoilt and entitled to consider a tenner an insult if that's all she can afford.

To be brutal, once your mother dies, she can't make you be friends with your sister any more, or even see her. If your mother wants you to "keep the peace" in her lifetime (and if she's "running" the relationships with the rest of the family - very controlling, if so), perhaps she'd like to top up your present to a level she finds acceptable. Surely she wouldn't see a daughter impoverished. Make her put her money where her mouth is!

I didn't go to my own sisters wedding. We don't get on although are civil if we have to be. She's also not invited to mine next year. Sod wasting £65 a head on people I don't want there. Saying that I could never turn up at a wedding with a tenner in a card, either buy a present or put extra cash in.

Get a card, write a nice sentiment in it DO NOT sign it and try to disguise your hand writing, do not put any cash in it, ask your mum during the wedding (with card in hand) where the wedding post box is, post card, now they will still get a card but when she moans to your mum that they didn't get a card from you she can verify that she saw you with one and posted it.
Like others have said get a bottle of prosecco or cheap champagne and order a personalised label from eBay and make sure it says it's from you and hubby xx

In your situation OP I would do what a previous poster suggested. Buy a nice rose bush for £10 which you can give to them. They can plant and watch that grow. A rose bush called "Wedding Day" sounds gorgeous, going to look it up.

I also second the idea of a memory album to go with it. Photos of her as a child and significant stuff.

That way you have more than made an effort for not much outlay.

When I got married one of the nicest things I had was an album of wedding photos taken by my friend. She made it beautiful and I treasure it, she was absolutely broke at the time so I was touched at how much time and effort had gone into it...and the small amount of money she had to spend.

I k ow your sister won't appreciate it but you will walk away with your head held high.

You said you're sick of being her doormat. So don't go! Send a card. No fucking IOUs. She invited you to get money out of you. Asking for money is crass for this reason, it puts skint people on the spot.

'I would hardly all £40 "dipping into savings".'

Must be nice then! Plenty of people don't have a spare pound at the end of the month, much less £40 to toss to some entitled twats because they're getting married.

A relative got married last month and was complaining to DM how tight some guests were. According to DM £150 is about right for a couple attending, in order to cover your plate and a bit extra. Anything less than that is an insult As she was being all catsbum face about it I was remembering MN threads about how no one expects presents. I was delighted that I got to use the MN "It's an invitation, not a summons"

If you aren't on speaking my terms then don't go.

As for the amount, under normal circumstances then £10 is generous if that's all you can afford. But it sounds like it's a bit tit for tat, so I simply wouldn't go.