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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Men in changing rooms

495 replies

TheWernethWife · 04/06/2017 11:24

Went shopping yesterday, popped into a well known women's shop and there was a man in the changing room. When I asked why he was there the assistant looked at me like I had three heads and said he was probably helping his wife and most people wouldn't be bothered. Well I was bloody bothered.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 16:37

"the extreme segregation and horror at the thought of a man catching a glimpse of us"

I would love you to show me where anyone has wanted extreme segregation or evinced horror............

God, that sort of hyperbolic misrepresentation really pisses me off. It's an effective silencing tool as well, because you'got to waste time saying well, no, it's not extreme segregation or horror- I would just rather not have men in the clearly labeled women's changing room......

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 16:38

"If you are talking about worrying trends how about the trend of telling women that they don't have the right to object?"

This.

Figaro2017 · 05/06/2017 16:38

if someone caught a flash of a bra or knickers, they're not seeing any more than they would on the beach

Good God no! Men can't control themselves if they see a hint of underwear. Makes them into uncontrollable beasts! They start drooling all over the place like Pavlov's dogs. Next thing you know they'll be humping the sofa in the waiting area.....

However, in the real world, most men are so bored in changing areas they really can't be arsed to look at another woman. They just want to get the fuck out and do something more interesting.

YoureNotASausage · 05/06/2017 16:39

Yes, your right to privacy is the cubicle. That's more than enough for me but people are saying what if they need to ask for another size and other silly things as if the changing room needs to be like Alcatraz.

I think toilets and changing rooms with cubicles are totally fine to be mixed sex.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 05/06/2017 16:42

I am pretty laid back about nudity generally. If I was changing for wild swimming somewhere I thought was deserted and someone happened to walk past I wouldn't care. And I don't feel stigmatised by menstruation and never cared if the baby came off suddenly and made me accidentally flash a bit of boob when breastfeeding. I am about as unprudish as I could possibly be.
All that is very, very different from having someone DELIBERATELY sneaking up to the cubicle and watching you undress, which is far more upsetting, not surprisingly given it's a sexual act, INTENDED to violate your privacy.
If you have never experienced it and can't understand why it might be distressing you need to have a bit more imagination and maybe listen to those who have.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/06/2017 16:42

However, in the real world, most men are so bored in changing areas they really can't be arsed to look at another woman. They just want to get the fuck out and do something more interesting

So why are they there? Why don't they fuck off and do something more interesting?

Figaro2017 · 05/06/2017 16:44

So why are they there? Why don't they fuck off and do something more interesting?

Because our wives want us there for an opinion, to look after the kids or to fetch other stuff.......

NavyandWhite · 05/06/2017 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/06/2017 16:47

But he has respect for women and wouldn't want to embarrass them or make them feel uneasy in any way.

So does my DH. That's why he comes in with me and not some random woman Grin

YouWhatMate · 05/06/2017 16:52

Seems like shops need to design their changing areas better so that the curtains actually close properly! Then we wouldn't have to worry about ANYONE catching a glimpse when we're supposed to be changing in privacy.

I mean, how fucking difficult can it be to design a cubicle where the curtain actually blocks the entire view?? Assuming the shop is too cheap to just use doors, that is.

NavyandWhite · 05/06/2017 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/06/2017 16:55

Mhm Hmm

NavyandWhite · 05/06/2017 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDustyBusty · 05/06/2017 16:58

I think toilets and changing rooms with cubicles are totally fine to be mixed sex.

Fine, but most people don't agree. Your opinion isn't actually the gold standard for everyone else.

KurriKurri · 05/06/2017 16:58

Sometimes I think we are our own worst enemies.

I think that sadly some women have become the enemy of those women who wish to have their basic rights to privacy when undressing respected. It used to be men who were completely ignorant and so hard of understanding that they couldn't grasp that women have a right to have their feelings heard and respected as equals. I grew up in the seventies and dealt with unending amounts of sexism and misogyny from men, over my rights not to be groped, slapped, drooled over, have crude remarks made about my body.

Now when I come on these threads it is largely women or people purporting to be women who are undermining women's rights to bodily autonomy.

I find that incredibly depressing.
This thread has brought home to me what a lot of anti women feeling there is on MN, much of the language used in these posts (that if we wish to exert our right to undress in private we are Victorian, prudish precious, moaners, racist (WT actual F ??)silly, childish, hysterical etc etc) is the language of abuse, the language men use when abusing women, to infantilise them and keep them in their place. I know because I've heard every one of them before. All these manipulative tricks to belittle and dismiss completely valid feelings.

No one is harming those of you who happily get undressed with strange men present, no one is saying you can't do that if you wish. Yet for some reason you are being abusive to those of us who prefer not to do this.

How is our wish impinging on your lives in any way whatsoever ? It isn't. Why do you so desperately want to exert power to deny us something that is a basic right and does you no harm, You don't have to exert your right to privacy - no one is forcing you to, why can you not contemplate the idea that others may wish to exert theirs? Why do you want to force them to put up with behaviour that makes them uncomfortable or uneasy ?

And now I will hide the thread and take my leave. Over the last few months this misogyny has become intolerable to me, I escaped it in my real life, I don't want to deal with it online. I don't want to justify my right to be respected as a woman, I've been there and done that, it is exhausting and demoralising.
I no longer feel this is a place I enjoy spending time.

Many thanks and good wishes to those I've had interesting, funny, supportive and intelligent interaction with over the years. Good luck to you all.

Be safe, be happy.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/06/2017 16:58

You thinking you know my DH and I better than we know ourselves.

NavyandWhite · 05/06/2017 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDustyBusty · 05/06/2017 17:00

You thinking you know my DH and I better than we know ourselves.

Well by your own description on this thread, you're a pair of inconsiderate arses.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/06/2017 17:00

Fair enough; you're entitled to your opinion.

HildaOg · 05/06/2017 17:05

Any man who will walk into a womans dressing room is an inconsiderate, disrespectful, obnoxious creep and having some silly little wife behind him claiming that his entitled self is lovely doesn't make it so. We are our behaviours, not our spouses opinions of us.

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 17:07

it' s just a new version of "Woman, know thy place" isn't it?

How dare a woman have a preference for a woman only space?

FrancisCrawford · 05/06/2017 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IntheBenefitTrap · 05/06/2017 17:23

I'll be sure to tell my carer husband he is an inconsiderate, disrespectful, obnoxious creep for assisting me in a changing room.

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 17:28

I assume your carer husband gives a bit of warning and explanation before he goes into women only spaces?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/06/2017 17:31

I assume your carer husband gives a bit of warning and explanation before he goes into women only spaces?

They just made me think of when my ds comes into my bedroom ,he knocks and says "Are you decent Mother?" Grin