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AIBU?

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Original poster

Men in changing rooms

495 replies

TheWernethWife · 04/06/2017 11:24

Went shopping yesterday, popped into a well known women's shop and there was a man in the changing room. When I asked why he was there the assistant looked at me like I had three heads and said he was probably helping his wife and most people wouldn't be bothered. Well I was bloody bothered.

OP posts:
Morphene · 05/06/2017 13:39

Francis but you have perfect privacy at home. What gives you the right to extend your version of privacy to public spaces?

KurriKurri · 05/06/2017 13:40

I don't know if you have children Morphene, but if you do, do you teach them that it is OK for any person whatsoever, a stranger or family member, a man or a woman, in any circumstances to have a look at their naked bodies whenever they feel like it and if they are uncomfortable with this they should just get over it, and stop being Victorian prudes ?

Or do you teach them that they have a right to bodily autonomy and that they are the only person who gets to decide who sees them naked, and that no one has the right to tell them what they do with their bodies?

I hope for their sake it is the latter, from your posts sadly it would seem it is the former.

PencilsInSpace · 05/06/2017 13:43

Either it isn't sexism to have male only and female only spaces or it is. You can't say its fine when it is changing rooms, but not fine when it is swimming pools or golf club lounges.

Yes you can and that's exactly what the equality act says (schedule 3 part 7).

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 14:02

I think morpheme is taking the piss.

KaosReigns · 05/06/2017 14:12

Holy shit, how do you guys handle stores that sell both men's and women's clothes? Unless he is opening the curtain and hopping in with you there are some serious over reactions here.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/06/2017 14:17

Holy shit, how do you guys handle stores that sell both men's and women's clothes?

Separate male and female changing rooms Confused

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/06/2017 14:22

And if another woman asks you politely not to is that fair enough?

If they ask politely, yes. If they're rude about it, no.

DameDeDoubtance I have already said that I will continue to do so.

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 14:29

So. To be clear. You are in a shop with men's and women's changing rooms, clearly labelled. But you think it's OK for either sex to use either of them.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/06/2017 14:42

BertrandRussell No, because DH wouldn't be using the changing room, he'd just be assisting me.

If he was changing clothes then absolutely he should go to the men's.

Similarly, if wives want to go in with their husbands, or mothers with sons/fathers with daughters, I have no problem with that.

As long as the person changing is the gender of the assigned room, I think it's fine for them to have someone in with them to assist.

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 14:44

So there should be no such thing as a woman only space?

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 14:45

And any woman who wants to change in a woman only space can just get over herself?

KaosReigns · 05/06/2017 14:47

Your changing rooms have cubicles right, with curtains/doors? I've never seen a store with separate areas for men's and women's to try on clothes, most have a seat for the husband/wife to sit on. Had to buy jeans today and there was one man running back and forwards grabbing jeans, my husband in the chair entertaining baby/ranking his favorites and one guy shopping for his own clothes, and a third woman trying on jeans with two females helping (I take ages to buy jeans).

How is there an issue here?

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 14:49

"I've never seen a store with separate areas for men's and women's to try on clothes, "
Really? I was in two separate TJMaxxs yesterday that did.

If they don't have separate areas then that's obviously fine. We are talking about the Ines that do.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/06/2017 14:50

Primark have men and women's changing rooms.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/06/2017 14:52

BertrandRussell I've never been in any shop changing room that doesn't have cubicles or curtains or anything like that. Inside said cubicle is their women's only space.

They're not changing in the hallway; I simply don't see an issue.

NavyandWhite · 05/06/2017 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 15:32

"They're not changing in the hallway; I simply don't see an issue."

Despite the fact that it clearly says "women"? And the fact that others might see an issue?

FrancisCrawford · 05/06/2017 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/06/2017 15:39

Not my problem.

Bambambini · 05/06/2017 16:16

"If he was changing clothes then absolutely he should go to the men's."

Why would he go to the men's if it's no big deal? Would he feel uncomfortable or something getting changed in the presence of women?

Mulledwine1 · 05/06/2017 16:25

Unless you're trying on underwear (and therefore more or less stripping off completely) I can't see the issue. I whip off my top, put the shop one one, see if it fits, change back and buy (or not). Same with trousers.

I assume most people would wear swimwear on a beach. So if someone caught a flash of a bra or knickers, they're not seeing any more than they would on the beach, and they've got a lot longer to leer on a beach than they would while loitering around a changing room.

If someone is helping, it's fine. If they're loitering, they should be told to move, and that also applies to other women, as they may get in the way.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/06/2017 16:27

Why would he go to the men's if it's no big deal? Would he feel uncomfortable or something getting changed in the presence of women?

The only person getting naked in a women's changing room should be a woman, and vice versa for men and their changing rooms.

YoureNotASausage · 05/06/2017 16:30

Does anyone else feel totally constrained by the extreme need of women for these private spaces? I genuinely feel like we are playing into some sort of Saudi Arabian view on women with the extreme segregation and horror at the thought of a man catching a glimpse of us in the new dress we are trying on as we ask the assistant for another size. Sometimes I think we are making our own jail out of fear and body issues. We aren't ugly (in the dress that doesn't quite look amazing) we aren't dirty ( for the sound of a sanitary towel being open), we aren't completely and utterly at every mans mercy in a busy public space usually monitored by an assistant.

I don't think it's healthy to think like that and refuse to be shamed at the thought of a man hearing me pee or seeing me in an outfit I'm trying on, even if I don't look ready for instagram.

Sometimes I think we are our own worst enemies.

TheFirstMrsDV · 05/06/2017 16:34

you'reasausage WHAT?
Are you being serious?
It is a basic human right to be able to chose not to show their bodies to the opposite sex.
If you are talking about worrying trends how about the trend of telling women that they don't have the right to object?

As for 'private spaces' we are not discussing segregated canteens and areas of worship. We are talking about an area in which someone takes their clothes off.

Do you think the repeated requests to abolish mixed sex hospital wards is worrying too and akin to living under a Sharia state?

NavyandWhite · 05/06/2017 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.