Men in changing rooms

[TheWernethWife]

Went shopping yesterday, popped into a well known women's shop and there was a man in the changing room. When I asked why he was there the assistant looked at me like I had three heads and said he was probably helping his wife and most people wouldn't be bothered. Well I was bloody bothered.

Women have a right not to have designated women only spaces invaded by men.

Some people on this thread seem to be suggesting that if men choose to invade a designated women only space then that is OK.
It's not OK.
We shouldn't even have to argue about it and defend our desire to not have men in our changing areas. We shouldn't have to ask permission from the shop assistant for our designated area to be kept free of men. We shouldn't be put in the position of either having to quietly tolerate men in our changing area despite feeling uncomfortable or confront them.

The situation should not arise.

The fact that some people choose to ignore the designation of certain areas as women only doesn't mean that ignorance is OK.

The word 'women' on a changing area means just that. It doesn't mean women and the men they are with because 'oh he's my partner and he's really nice and he won't perv on you'. It means women only.

Women are just handing over their rights and freedoms like fucking sleepwalkers.

My son was told quite firmly in new look by a shop assistant to not enter the changing 'area' when he followed me without thinking while I got his sister another size of top to try. He was only 9 at the time but I made him wait for me while I ran in. It was fine, woman & girls should have a right to privacy as should men & boys.

Curtains never close properly so I'd be bothered too.

There were five cubicles, I waited at the end of them, sort of just inside the entrance. DH came out and took a few steps towards me so I could see what the trousers looked like on. I'd say it was completely obvious I was waiting for someone and I'd think the same if I saw a man standing by cubicles in a ladies changing room. There was a member of staff coming and going nearby, nothing was said.

Wow, this thread has turned into a joke now. Skipped a quick look through the past 3 pages and see stupid comments,

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As A man you absolutely don't get to speak for how women may feel.

It's almost funny that women telling other women to get a grip, are worried about something like their sons feelings being hurt because many men hate women so much and that women are sometimes scared of men and that might upset their precious sons

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Just 2 examples of a fair few. I'm sorry for you ladies but I'm ever more sorry my son / nephews and partner have to grow up/age in a world like this.

Women are dicks. Seriously.

If this was the other way it would be an absolutely laugh. A woman, in a mans changing rooms??

Oh what are we gonna do? Look at his penis? Sniggggggerrrrrrrr....

No one cares about your back, thighs, bum or side boob as you hurry to change tops do a twirl and change back to your normal clothes. Let's face it, he cares as much as I do that you're changing your clothes.

I guess these same men are running home and spying through bedroom doors for a glimpse at his partner/daughter/niece/next door neighbour as well.

EVERY man is a paedophile, pervert or a sex addict. No doubt about it. Every woman should feel absolutely uncomfortable in every situation with an unknown man because they are a giant risk.

Proceed with caution or you'll be sexually assaulted.

Please, ladies, teach your daughters that if she wants a boyfriends opinion on something she is unsure about she must exit any changing rooms into the open space of all shoppers to show him and be told she looks lovely/not great. Don't let her feel comfortable with him being able to pop in and look because the lady next door to her will feel appalled.

Please make your sons aware that any future daughters come with many restrictions. I mean, he needs to KNOW that he his daughter past the age of 5 must carry on entering the males toilets with him (despite how he and she feels) because they're may be a 30+ lady uncomfortable with a dad taking his daughter to a female bathroom.

This thread is nothing more than fucking pathetic I tried stating my opinion, I just get called names and people repeating the same things over and over to me.

I feel sorry for my son, you feel sorry for your daughters.

I'm trying to teach my son what is right and wrong, you're teaching your daughters they are always right regardless. Never let men walk over you etc, men are awful sexual beasts, always be scared.

I'm done with this ridiculous thread now, what an absolutely joke. I feel for you if you have sons, I feel bad for your sons and I feel even worse for your daughters because you ladies are the problem, probably because of YOUR parents.

I went through a 3yr DV relationship with MUCH sexual abuse, I was also abused at the very tender age of 13, and I'm not scared running away, because I faced up to life and then was blessed with my son. Whats your excuses for being such horrible people???

• Done!! -

I would have absolutely no problem with a man being in the changing rooms with his wife.

I think women are entitled to feel bothered by this and to vote with their feet and shop elsewhere, or online if it bothers them.

I don't think women have 'the right' to try on clothes with no men within 10 yards. I'm pretty sure that isn't part of any bill of human rights anywhere.

I agree, Morphene. Separate sex toilets are a legal requirement. But I don't believe there is any legal requirement that the space outside changing cubicles is designated to one sex only. It is therefore up to the business to choose their own policy. If you don't like the way a business operates, you're free to shop elsewhere, or lodge a complaint if you feel strongly enough about it.

'It's a shop, it's a cubicle, your hardly going to get raped and murdered, filmed, assaulted, or even looked at when there is an assistant right there, cameras outside the rooms and a wife in the next cubicle!'

This post really pissed me off. I have been spied on while trying on jeans. I was in my pants, I looked up and there was a smirking face with a moustache staring through the gap at the end of the curtain. I think women are entitled to want to feel safe from that.
I have no idea if his wife was there because I was so shocked I just got dressed and left immediately.

It's a shop, it's a cubicle, your hardly going to get raped and murdered, filmed, assaulted, or even looked at when there is an assistant right there, cameras outside the rooms and a wife in the next cubicle!'

You're very naieve if you think that.

It's a shop, it's a cubicle, your hardly going to get raped and murdered, filmed, assaulted, or even looked at when there is an assistant right there, cameras outside the rooms and a wife in the next cubicle!'

Well, it certainly could happen. But I suppose I am of the view that it could happen anywhere. I still let the meter reading man in, I still use public transport, I still see male GPS, I still go to job interviews etc. I accept it is a possibility that someone will try to look at me naked or touch me, but I think the likelihood of it is so small I am not too bothered about being around men.

It's a shop, it's a cubicle, your hardly going to get raped and murdered, filmed, assaulted, or even looked at when there is an assistant right there, cameras outside the rooms and a wife in the next cubicle!'

Well obviously a big thumbs up to you for this cast iron guarantee of safety, but that doesn't make it much better. I don't want men wandering or loitering in women's spaces even if they pose no threat. I feel that it's contrary to my sense of privacy and dignity and see no reason to compromise either to feed the ego of men who don't respect women's spaces. Personally, I think going into a space where you're specifically unwelcome us hostile and threatening in any event.

"It's a shop, it's a cubicle, your hardly going to get raped and murdered, filmed, assaulted, or even looked at when there is an assistant right there, cameras outside the rooms and a wife in the next cubicle!'
Probably not. But you might not like it very much. You might be a bit embarrassed. You might have your only shopping trip of the year that you've been looking forward to spoiled. And why should you? To pander to a man's sensibilities? I think not.

'I accept it is a possibility that someone will try to look at me naked or touch me, but I think the likelihood of it is so small I am not too bothered about being around men.'

It isn't about being bothered about being around men in general, but when you are undressed and the curtain doesn't meet it's a bit different.
The odds certainly aren't vanishingly small. The odds of a given man being a pervert are tiny but one peeping tom is likely to hang out in the relevant places and do it to hundreds of women.

""It's a shop, it's a cubicle, your hardly going to get raped and murdered, filmed, assaulted, or even looked at when there is an assistant right there, cameras outside the rooms and a wife in the next cubicle!'"

I agree that rape, murder and filming is unlikely, but I think looking at you through the crack in the curtain is quite likely.

still let the meter reading man in, I still use public transport, I still see male GPS, I still go to job interviews etc
With the possible exception of the GP, I'm not in my underwear around any of these men! That does make a difference.

I think filming is actually very likely given how easy it is to whip out a phone.

'I accept it is a possibility that someone will try to look at me naked or touch me, but I think the likelihood of it is so small I am not too bothered about being around men.'

You accept it. Why do you accept it? The possibility that someone will try to look at you naked or touch you without your consent is not acceptable. It is UNacceptable.

Also the likelihood of it is not that small.

Arealhumanbeing

I don't accept them doing it. I accept that it is possible. If I happened I would object,, but I am not going to let the possibility that it might happen dominate my thoughts to the extent that I object to the presence of a man outside the changing rooms. Just my personal view, nothing more.

Iggi999

No, but you are in greater proximity to some of them (the Tube!) and more vulnerable to being alone with some of them (meter reader). My point is that it is about being proportionate and not obsessing over small risks. Yes, the presence of a man helping his wife in the changing rooms might make many people feel very uncomfortable. I get that. It doesn't make me feel that uncomfortable, because I think the risk of anything happening is small. I am as entitled to feel that way as anyone is entitled to feel the other way.

No, no, no, no! That is not acceptable. They absolutely do not belong in our dressing rooms. They can help their wives outside of it.

To the women posting on here saying they are absolutely fine with other women bringing their male partners into the women's changing rooms -- well, that's great, good on yer.
But you can't foist your feelings onto other people, and your attitude cannot in any way invalidate or over-ride the feelings of any women who disagree. (And their disagreement may well not be about perceptions of risk, but rather about comfort and privacy. )
As for men, their feelings are irrelevant on this issue.

But you can't foist your feelings onto other people, and your attitude cannot in any way invalidate or over-ride the feelings of any women who disagree.

Until told otherwise by any shop assistants, I will continue to bring my DH in with me.

If they politely ask me not to, fair enough.

Tartyflette

I am not foisting my feelings onto anyone.

C0vfefe

It is acceptable to me. If you wish to object, I totally accept your right to do so.