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AIBU?

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Original poster

Men in changing rooms

495 replies

TheWernethWife · 04/06/2017 11:24

Went shopping yesterday, popped into a well known women's shop and there was a man in the changing room. When I asked why he was there the assistant looked at me like I had three heads and said he was probably helping his wife and most people wouldn't be bothered. Well I was bloody bothered.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWernethWife · 04/06/2017 17:58

My final comment on this subject. Visited another branch of this Company today (in another town), the manager was horrified to hear my story and said it wouldn't be allowed to happen in her store. She said if a disabled woman needed help then she and her husband /male companion would be put in an accessible changing room and the assistant would nip in and out as required, no need for any men to be wandering about. Will shop there in future.

The original store was a stand alone shop with its own entrance, didn't have to share the changing rooms with any other concessions and to clear up any confusions, it was a store that only sold clothes for women.

I'm not a man hater, honestly.

OP posts:
WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 04/06/2017 17:58

I've not been clothes shopping for years (do it all online) but if I used a "female changing room" I would not expect to see a man in there. If I used a "changing room" in the women's clothing section, I wouldn't expect to see a man in there. I'd expect the men to only be in the changing rooms within their clothing sections. No need to be in the womens. If women want a 2nd opinion of something they've tried on they should leave the cubicle and go to their partners, who should be waiting outside, rather than their parters coming to them.

I think if someone needs their husband as the carer, he goes in to the bigger cubicle with her and stays there. Any getting further sizes etc can be done by the assistant
Totally agree.

FrancisCrawford · 04/06/2017 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 04/06/2017 18:38

Op, I am totally with you

Well done for raising it

And shame on the posters hete trying to silence women on this matter

SuperPug · 04/06/2017 18:43

Fine to wait outside and some stores have designated seating outside of the cubicles and the general changing room.
Generally, I would be fine if they're locked cubicles. Not the loose, awful curtains which offer little privacy.
I would have also felt very differently as a teenager. Random men going in and out of female changing rooms would have made me feel extremely self conscious.

ThatWouldBeGreat · 04/06/2017 19:03

And shame on the posters here trying to silence women on this matter

I am not trying to silence anyone, I don't understand why people have made a huge issue out of this whole situation, last week I was in a store and there was a male in the changing room sitting down on sofa type seating with a two other ladies; not for one minute did I think it was strange that he was there neither did the other two ladies, a few seconds later his partner come out in a nice dress and asked him how it looked on.

Men have it really hard due to these "type" kind of women, that always think that in certain type of situations men are up to no good.

testnamechange · 04/06/2017 19:08

Why on earth do women take a man with them to choose clothes? And what's with the men going round M&S lingerie while their female partners pointing to this pair of knickers then the next. FFS just choose your own knickers

KurriKurri · 04/06/2017 19:08

'men have it really hard' - poor chaps, how dreadful for them to have to keep out of women's changing rooms. Obviously as men they should be able to do whatever they please and not put up with these 'types' of women who like to get undressed in privacy.

Out of interest what other people do you stereo'type' - is it just women or also other groups you don't approve of having certain basic rights?

FrancisCrawford · 04/06/2017 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emilybrontescorset · 04/06/2017 19:13

I agree with the op I would not be happy.
The curtains do not offer full privacy.
I would complain in writing the shop.
He should be outside of the fitting rooms.
I would have stated him out quite frankly and u don't give a flying fuck if that offends anyone.

Andrewofgg · 04/06/2017 19:22

OP and KurriKurri My apologies. I took this to be an area for both genders in a shop selling clothes for both (like my M and S!) and now it is clear that it was not. Obviously a man has no business passing the sign saying WOMEN - or vice versa - where there are separate areas and if the shop only sells clothes for one gender anyone of the other gender can be expected to pretend the sign is there.

Please forgive me; genuine error on my part.

KurriKurri · 04/06/2017 19:25

No problem Andrew - apologies for being rather snarky in my reply Smile

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 04/06/2017 19:28

Why on earth do women take a man with them to choose clothes? And what's with the men going round M&S lingerie while their female partners pointing to this pair of knickers then the next. FFS just choose your own knickers

I take DH to choose clothes because I value his opinion and I wouldn't want to wear anything he didn't like. Same applies with knickers.

IntheBenefitTrap · 04/06/2017 19:33

I took my DH with me to buy clothes before I was disabled. He's my best friend and I value his opinion. I don't know why anyone wouldn't!

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 04/06/2017 19:33

And anyway, if it's OK for a 7 year old boy to go to the men's loos with his dad, why all the hysteria over a 7 year old girl with her father? Neither child is going to come to any harm and most men don't exactly wave their willies around when having a pee

Not particularly related to the thread but I find this bizarre. Men at urinals have their penises out of their trousers. If I had a daughter I would not want her to walk past a line of men urinating and perhaps the men in question would not like it either.

I find it very difficult to understand what is so terrible about a father taking his young daughter into the women's toilets.

AskBasil · 04/06/2017 19:34

"I worry for my son growing up in a world where men are always treated as something to be afraid of"

I don't. I really don't care if he's treated as something to be afraid of. I'm more worried about the possibility of him being attacked violently by other men, which is actually worth worrying about.

As for my daughter, obviously there's no contest between worrying about whether my son might be embarrassed by being mistaken for a creep and worrying that she might be raped, which men do to a quarter of us, or murdered, as they do to 2 of us a week.

It's almost funny that women telling other women to get a grip, are worried about something as trivial as their DS's feelz being hurt because too many men hate women so much, that women are sometimes scared of men and that might upset their precious sons.

Almost.

BertrandRussell · 04/06/2017 19:45

Women have the right to women only spaces. End of story.

emilybrontescorset · 04/06/2017 19:48

Shopping with your partner is fine. Choosing underwear together, fine.
Taking your male partner in to a female changing area and parading the underwear infront of him whilst other girls/ women are trying clothes on, not ok.

Trifleorbust · 04/06/2017 19:49

BertrandRussell

It's up to the store owners, really, though. If a company running a store doesn't want to provide women only spaces and instead provides unisex spaces (obviously with private cubicles) I can see why some women would be uncomfortable and some would be annoyed, but voting with their feet is their best option. It isn't a 'right'.

RinonaWyder · 04/06/2017 19:51

I was in Next with DH today looking for a new pair of trousers for him, I went into the changing room and waited outside the cubicle for him, he came out to get my opinion. Nothing wrong with that I reckon.

Jaxhog · 04/06/2017 19:51

Yanbu. I doubt many men would be comfortable with random women in their changing rooms either.

Kennethwasmyfriend · 04/06/2017 19:52

Rinona couldn't you have waited at the entrance to the fitting rooms instead?

ChocChocPorridge · 04/06/2017 19:56

I've never been in a store where the opposite sex was allowed past the little assistant's bit (if they were lucky they got seats) - Generally to stop people getting up to shenanigans...

Unisex is one thing, men/women going in the women/mens is different though - it's expected that it's single sex. DP would be as uncomfortable changing/peeing in front of female strangers as I would be in front of male strangers (actually, I would be more uncomfortable, because I'm short, and he's tall, so I find men more intimidating than he finds women)

FuzzyPillow · 04/06/2017 20:00

I would be uncomfortable.

The assistant should never have let him in. I want women's changing areas to be female only. Not going to apologise for that!

I do think that a change in law to force shops to have a single totally private changing room (as for disabled loos) that non gender binary people can use would be good though.

Want2beme · 04/06/2017 20:02

If it's a women's changing room, a man shouldn't be in there. The staff are there to assist customers in the changing rooms & staff are supposed to inform customers of this.