Friend of friend suddenly announces awkward dietary requirements (help??)

[ComingUpTrumps]

Argh.

I'm organising a meal at the moment for a special event (I don't really know these people). I sent out a restaurant menu a couple of weeks ago to everyone so they could see the different options available. Yesterday, I asked everyone to pre-order from the menu and to pass on their choices to me next week to me. I also asked everyone (a couple of months ago) to pass on their dietary requirements to me.

Most people have now got back to me with their choices. One person (who I'm getting a bit annoyed with for other reasons) just messaged me tonight to say that they are gluten-free and dairy-free. I saw her a couple of months ago, and she had macaroni cheese and a burger with a bun.

How do I reply to this?

I've said to her: 'hi X thanks for letting me know. There's X, X and X in the starters, and X and X in the mains which are gluten-free and dairy-free.'

She then said 'yes, there are a few options on the menu, but do they have a separate menu?'

Help! Before I lose the will to live.

Seriously, you are not organising the UN peace conference. It is 15 people. How has it taken you multiple '10 hour days' to sort out? Crack on with the cake, maybe make one phone call to ask about gluten free flour. 2 mins tops tomorrow. If it can't be done, hey ho. Restaurant? She knows the deal. None of this is rocket science.

The friend's dietary issues are her problem, not yours. You tell her to speak directly to the restaurant. You've told her where you're going for pizza. It really is up to her to sort out what she eats and from where.
You don't have to get a new cake because one person can't eat it. She can do without. My DD has to eat gluten free and no dairy and there's never any fuss, she's an adult and makes her own choices.
Once you've told your friend the plan for eating on the event STOP ENGAGING WITH HER. You have more than enough to deal with by the sound of it. And don't ever organise anything like this again, you're clearly not up to it.

So, I am a total stalker but I went back to read a previous post by the OP about this hen. Assuming you're still planning to go to Pierre Victoire (as you were on Monday): the 'party menu' says at the bottom 'please ask for the allergen fact sheet', so I think it's pretty unfair to berate this person for doing just that!

I've got a bit of rage on this thread (not at op).

Coeliacs is not an allergy or intolerance it's an autoimmune condition which can cause lots of interesting side effects including lactose intolerance due to the damage to the gut. My DM was diagnosed two years ago (I'm a grown ass woman) and the attitude that consuming gluten would have limited effect on her is fucking laughable and shows a complete lack of understanding of the illness. Breath.

OP - hand this all back to her. Tell her what you will be getting and where from for each meal. Give contact details and ask her to deal direct. On the cake you can buy a small dairy and gf cake from Tesco. Buy that and have done. I'd also tell her what cooking facilities if any you have access to.

I'm part of a family with complex food intolerances, vegetarians and just plain fussy eaters. If someone gives me notice I bend over backwards. This guest sounds like a right pain in the arse and I would not put my arse in a cramp for her.

OP sodd the people on here saying you are being insensitive to intolerances.

We have a multitude of severe allergies we have to deal with for one of our kids.
Whenever there is a meal out I never bother the host with the diatery requirements. I call the place and organise it myself.

That's what she needs to stay learning to do, whether her intolerances are bullshit or a new diagnoses.

You have to own it, take control and not expect other people to do it for you.

And a separate menu?!

Yeah alright love, good luck with that!!

OP is you feel bad or guilty or unreasonable asking her to contact the restaurant herself just tell her its because you don't want to accidentally miscommunicate her dietary needs and want her to have a good time so think its safer for her to deal with the restaurant directly. Nobody who really has an allergy or intolerance would be offended by that. Don't pile more stress onto you than you already have.

Agree confidentlyunhinged ! I have posted in site stuff to ask for a web chat with Caroline Quentin, patron of Coeliac UK to hopefully make it more widely known that coeliac is an auto immune disease and can have serious effects on sufferers.

I'm not sure guestzilla is actually coeliac, it sounds like it's one of those intolerances that can usually be translated as 'I'm not as thin as I'd like to be so I'll claim to have an intolerance, I've not simply been eating too much bread, pizza and ice cream, oh no'.

I'm not celiac but I'm genuinely intolerant I wouldn't spend double the amount I need to on gluten and dairy free food because I wanted to lose a bit of weight

Attitudes like that are ignorant and rude

You don't need special products to eat a gluten free diet, there's plenty of naturally gluten free foods like rice, potatoes, eggs, veg, meat, fish etc.

Well this guest is being so fucking entitled about it all. I'm fucking fuming

Because she enquired as to whether there is a separate menu? OP I am genuinely concerned about your mental health, you sound incredibly stressed. To get this worked up about a weekend away, especially in the context of resent events on the news, just seems shockingly irrational to me.

What Barbara said. Thanks Barbara

Miss please don't bring up recent events in the news - that's wrong and unfair. Especially when you don't know my personal situation and circumstances at all. If you don't have anything constructive to say, I'd prefer if you didn't post anything. I hope you can see my point of view.

Barbara It's very rare that there's a naturally gluten-free dish on a menu though, unless it's been deliberately designed that way. A PP said that on a previous thread OP posted the menu (or mentioned the name of the restaurant) and they do actually offer a separate allergen list / menu, so it's not unreasonable for the guest to ask to see it!

Eating out there is always butter or soy or malt vinegar, flour as a thickener.

Cross contamination from gluten containing items being fried in the same oil so you can't just have the chips at the chippy because the fish is cooked in the same oil!

it's not as simple as potatoes are naturally gluten free.

I'd love for you to confine your diet to all those naturally gluten and dairy free foods and see how long it takes for you to be craving a slice of toast or a bowl of pasta you don't have to buy specialist gluten free products but life becomes pretty fucking miserable if you don't.
I still remember my husband finding dairy free chocolate ice cream for the first time I could have cried with happiness.

Thisisouting she is dairy-free but says that she can have butter.

Well personally if it gets to be a right fucking faff and the choice is dry baked potato with a dry grilled chicken breast (I paid 10 quid for that pleasure once!) I'd stick a knob of butter on it as combined with the rest of the meal the effects would be hardly noticeable.

Dairy intolerance is a bit if a sliding scale some people can have a little and be fine and others have to completely cut it out so she might be fine with a small amount of butter or she might as an adult have decided that she'll feel a bit sick in the morning after drinking so the added sickness of a bit of dairy won't be so bad for her.

You can't and shouldn't police her food choices just give her the information or if you don't have it give her the number so she can call herself.

Thisis I'm not 'policing' her food choices. Why do you say that?

Because you just replied she says she's dairy free but can have butter

What has it got to do with you? Does her having the butter affect you in any way shape or form? You have a 9 page thread on her dietary choices and have made it clear you think she's making it up

Thisis she's specifically said to me that she cannot eat dairy but can have butter. I don't think she's making it up. I don't know her well enough to know. Please don't accuse me of 'policing' her food choices.

It's my understanding that there is something in milk (maybe lactose?) that is in much lower quantities in butter, due to butter being mainly fat. A friend of mine can eat small amounts of butter but not have milk or cheese.

Yeah it sounds like lactose intolerance rather than dairy allergy where certain dairy products aren't so bad and the odd bit of dairy tends to result in just a bit of an upset tummy rather than more troublesome reactions.

barbara you might not need special products to eat gluten free but if you want any semblance of normality like a bowl of muesli for breakfast or a slice of toast for supper then you do. It is really fucking hard, especially at the beginning, to be on a gluten free diet and can be quite soul destroying when its been a long day and all you wish for is a quick snack in a cafe to keep you going until you can get home and make dinner and your only options are an old bit of fruit that's sat out for days or a frozen dry piece of GF coffee bread that tastes like sadness.

butter contains only trace amounts of both COws milk protein and lactose. So if your intolerant to lactose or the protein is can be okay. If your allergic it can still cause a reaction, depending on how sensitive you are

I'd definitely give her contact details and let her get on with it. Leave the cake as it is but either warn her or buy a supermarket alternative. Don't send shirty emails that are spoiling for a fight.

Ha @natsku I love that description "taste of sadness" it's so true!

Yep tell her to go direct to restaurant, it is what i do with my crazy diet.