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Original poster

Friend of friend suddenly announces awkward dietary requirements (help??)

228 replies

ComingUpTrumps · 03/06/2017 23:27

Argh.

I'm organising a meal at the moment for a special event (I don't really know these people). I sent out a restaurant menu a couple of weeks ago to everyone so they could see the different options available. Yesterday, I asked everyone to pre-order from the menu and to pass on their choices to me next week to me. I also asked everyone (a couple of months ago) to pass on their dietary requirements to me.

Most people have now got back to me with their choices. One person (who I'm getting a bit annoyed with for other reasons) just messaged me tonight to say that they are gluten-free and dairy-free. I saw her a couple of months ago, and she had macaroni cheese and a burger with a bun.

How do I reply to this?

I've said to her: 'hi X thanks for letting me know. There's X, X and X in the starters, and X and X in the mains which are gluten-free and dairy-free.'

She then said 'yes, there are a few options on the menu, but do they have a separate menu?'

Help! Before I lose the will to live.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 04/06/2017 01:03

OP "(Do you all agree? Or am I reading this wrongly?)" I would not worry for a moment what she said or meant at all.

I work in admin and sometimes organsie events with food. I ask about foot allergies and pass on the info given. I have literally passed on "No lobster." to the chef who laughs! Because we do not serve lobster. BUT my reasoning is what if there is one day a sauce or condiment that has it in, how would i know, and how would chef know if I did not say. So I pass on all info direct to chef and then see what he comes up with. That is his job, mine is to pass on.

So once the woman has decided on her choice I would just tell the restaurant this lady is allergic to blah blah blah. Job done.

I do not think anyone is a special snowflake. I've done a no gluten no dairy (low bloody fodmaps) diet and it was a total pain in the arse and made no difference to my IBS. I know this is not the same as having a food allergy but we were trying (my dietitian and I) to establish what was up with gut!

I know it sounds od but I actually quite like helping if I can. Our young guest today was someone we also saw at Easter. All the other kids got chocolate eggs but he missed out (not my eggs!). So I posted him some moo free chocolate Apparently, he loved it.

Anyway, I digress. All dietary needs must be taken on board 100% as they are presented, but the OP is very stressed as she has been pushed into organising this event and it is all her shoulders but will be over soon. Thanks

Italiangreyhound · 04/06/2017 01:06

AcrossthePond55 "She can't 'just eat what was on the menu' as it would make her very, very ill." I think the OP meant she would have had to choose whatever was on the menu that was safe to eat that day.

By letting the restaurant know in advance she may have more choice.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/06/2017 01:07

Maybe she doesn't like you Pyongyang. Can't imagine why

Go on then, I'll bite. Why wouldnt she like me?

Just so that you can be sure that you can slag me off about my intolerance of intolerances......I was well aware of her issues and went very much out of my way to make sure that she was catered for. I even made sure that there would be no risk of cross contamination. I completely wrote off my preferences to make sure she had a meal. I am always welcoming and friendly to her and had no issues with her whatsoever until my wedding day when with no notice she just didnt turn up. There was no apology, no acknowledgement, we just found out later from her very embarrassed OH that she didnt feel like it and went shopping instead. She isnt my friend by DH's best friends OH btw.

EarlsC0urt · 04/06/2017 01:08

Why stress over a non-issue? Just tell her you don't have special meals or gluten free or whatever and perhaps she will find some combo that fits her out of what's there.

BeepBeepMOVE · 04/06/2017 01:11

If she has a serious food allergy she should have got in touch weeks ago. It's completely her problem if there is nothing she can eat. IT is far too late notice to change things around anyone who is not the bride.

Re the cake, again it's too late, just smile and say you had already ordered the cake after everyone had given their dietary requirements but unfortunately she hadn't so it's not gluten free.

BeepBeepMOVE · 04/06/2017 01:14

Across the pond
There are gluten and dairy free options on the menu.

Also before everyone gets all uppity about her dying from eating anything we don't even have it confirmed that she is cutting out gluten and dairy for medical reasons.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/06/2017 01:14

Because, in that situation, no matter what, she would've had to have eaten what was on the menu?

I must have misunderstood you Coming, I thought you meant that if they didn't have an allergy menu for her, she would have to order off the regular menu. I was pointing out that if they couldn't accommodate her (menu or no menu), she wouldn't be able to eat.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/06/2017 01:18

BeepBeep GF and DF options does not mean that they are 'safe' options. Especially these days with so many people going GF/DF as a 'health thing' rather than a medical necessity. Many places tout GF/DF/whatever allergy free these day, but it simply means there are none of those ingredients in the dish. Cross-contamination during food prep is a very real hazard.

Italiangreyhound · 04/06/2017 01:19

AcrossthePond55 the OP said there were items on the menu that were gluten and dairy free, the other woman was asking for any other options I think.

Italiangreyhound · 04/06/2017 01:20

Yes AcrossthePond55 that is a good point and why the restaurant needs to know.

TheCatOfAthenry · 04/06/2017 01:21

L
L

TheCatOfAthenry · 04/06/2017 01:23

Sorry, leg on phone typed that!

BeepBeepMOVE · 04/06/2017 01:24

But if your scenario were true she should surely be contacting the restaurant herself instead of leaving it to a friend of a friend and not even informing them of the very serious life/death nature of her condition.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/06/2017 01:32

Yes, BeepBeep she should. Which is why I said to the OP that her message to contact the restaurant directly was a good idea.

But it appears that the friend may be new to the world of food allergies/intolerances. Which is why I mentioned that she may be under the impression that a 'separate menu' would equal 'safe options'. It's something that most of us learnt the hard way.

Coeliac Disease isn't an allergy (it's an intolerance) and ingesting gluten doesn't result in anaphylactic shock (like a nut allergy). It results in a myriad of very painful, uncontrollable, and unpleasant GI, and sometimes other, symptoms that may take days to weeks to resolve completely. Dairy reaction can be anaphylactic or similar to Coeliac.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/06/2017 01:34

There seems to be a belief on MN that if someone has a genuine health problem then it automatically stops them from being an arsehole "Oh they might have depression/allergies/intolerances/ASD/anxiety" etc. Yes they might but BREAKING NEWS....you can be both! You can have a medically diagnosed condition and still be a fucking arsehole, the one does not exclude the other.

So yes she may have genuine intolerances but that doesnt alter the fact that she could have spoken to the OP earlier but she didnt. She could have contacted the restaurant but she didnt. She could have read the menu and chosen from the available options (after contacting the venue if appropriate) but she didnt. What she did was make a huge issue out of something that didnt need to be. So intolerance or not, she is still an arsehole.

GreatFuckability · 04/06/2017 01:36

i've been recently put on a low fodmap diet by my GP. in the last week actually. so 2 weeks ago, i would have been fine to eat anything, and now- i can't. Or rather I can, but the whole point of the diet is to try and work out why my digestive system is such a mess. People assuming she is being 'a snowflake' (and god how i hate that expression) is the issue here.

GreatFuckability · 04/06/2017 01:38

its really not a 'huge issue' to ask a question about a menu though, is it? it's just a question. OP referred her on to the restaurant. job done. this is all a bit of mountain out of a molehill tbh. the OP is stressed and over reacting somewhat to a simple question.

caroldecker · 04/06/2017 01:41

I have to say that anyone diagnosed with Coeliac in their 20's or later does not have a serious issue, equivalent to a peanut allergy. If she has been eating dairy and gluten recently, it will not do her much harm.

Italiangreyhound · 04/06/2017 01:43

The OP is very stressed about this event.

It will be all over soon. Thanks

GreatFuckability · 04/06/2017 01:48

I have to say that anyone diagnosed with Coeliac in their 20's or later does not have a serious issue, equivalent to a peanut allergy. If she has been eating dairy and gluten recently, it will not do her much harm

er, what?

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/06/2017 01:58

But it has become a huge issue to the OP and it could have been avoided by the guest contacting her as soon as the menus went out. But she left it until the last minute before letting the OP know, making what should have been a simple thing into a drama.

ShakingAndShocked · 04/06/2017 01:59

I cannot bear responses that imply those of us who can't eat X for whatever reason are de facto PITAAngry

Seriously, try just 48 hours of properly living as a Coeliac - who has simultaneously gained a lifelong sentence of food checking & cross contamination checking whilst losing pretty much all ability to just 'join in' &/or be spontaneous any more - before you post your dismissive tripe.

And Titiana - first syllable of your NM is pretty apt. Biscuit

Original poster
ComingUpTrumps · 04/06/2017 02:01

I've spoken to the bride about it (still making sure that I've kept every detail about the hen weekend secret from her).

The bride has told me that the guest apparently is 'on and off' with gluten and dairy intolerances. Okay.

What does everyone suggest that i do now please?

OP posts:
ShakingAndShocked · 04/06/2017 02:02

I have to say that anyone diagnosed with Coeliac in their 20's or later does not have a serious issue, equivalent to a peanut allergy. If she has been eating dairy and gluten recently, it will not do her much harm

And the award for stupidest of stupid goes to....

Seriously? FOTTFSOF.

ShakingAndShocked · 04/06/2017 02:04

Nothing OP as it's sorted now, she'll sort her own food out directly.

What else is it you're asking?