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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be cummed on?

304 replies

YouAreMySweetestDownfall · 02/06/2017 19:23

My dp does not do condoms and I'm not a fan of the pill. We use the withdrawal method and he, without fail cums somewhere on my body. This was the same with my Xh and most of the blokes I've been with in the past. What do they get out of it? Is it like pudding to mark your territory?

I've mentioned it to my dp and his chilled out self always says 'sure, next time' but then gets 'caught up in the moment, and it ends up somewhere on my body Hmm.

I'm not being unreasonable to resent being covered in someone's body fluids am I?

OP posts:
MistySparrow · 02/06/2017 21:17

Easier to have a shower than change the sheets

PeaFaceMcgee · 02/06/2017 21:18

Because she has said no chitofftheshovel

Figaro2017 · 02/06/2017 21:19

So on the point of ejeculation, other than whipping it out, he's supposed to carefully aim it onto the bed, towel or receptacle?

Would you like him to sing a Beatles medley whilst making shadow rabbits on the wall as well?

marshalpinky · 02/06/2017 21:20

I've just split up with my boyfriend over this.

I didn't mind at first , but it got that he didn't want anything else , and i'm not a damn wipe clean surface! .He also got really angry with me once when it got on him by accident.
He didn't like normal sex . couldn't get anywhere with condoms.

It got to the point that I was getting upset , but it didn't put him off.

It isn't great for the self esteem when you are enjoying something but they are lying there bored ( & it made me feel creepy to know he wasn't enjoying it) & he can only get off by treating you like a 3d porn mag.

PeaFaceMcgee · 02/06/2017 21:23

Arg- obvs that was meant to say, it's abuse simply because she doesn't like it and has said NO.

It's technically non-consensual. I see the what's a bit of jizz between partners point too, but there's not a sliding scale of abuse.

If you know someone hates something and doesn't consent to it - you don't do it.

My cousin refused to believe that her DH taking naked photos of her whilst she was asleep (when she had told him no) was abusive.

My friend's boyfriend liked to have sex with her whilst she was asleep. This was abusive too as she'd told him no and it only stopped when she started having violent nightmares.

There's no grey with abuse imo - certainly not where bodily autonomy is concerned.

PeaFaceMcgee · 02/06/2017 21:27

That sounds horrible pinky x

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 02/06/2017 21:27

I'm not quite sure where he could put his swimmers then. Up the vagina is a no go. You're not keen on him splooging on you. Suppose a rag is your only option Blush

Wait... there's a sex forum Shock how do I venture over there.

DrDreReturns · 02/06/2017 21:27

chitofftheshovel it's not hard to understand. If your partner doesn't consent to it, you don't do it!

Highalert · 02/06/2017 21:29

You need to take some Dettol with you into the sex topic.

BuggersMuddle · 02/06/2017 21:30

See whatever floats your boat but what I never get about these threads is where did it start off? Are you all so lackadaisical that you just started shagging some bloke without a condom or an STI test? That baffles me, especially when you are a grown adult with kids.

I must be old fashioned. If you're not a virgin you trot up to the GUM clinic before ditching the prophylactic.

If he started with condoms then he can bloody well continue. If he didn't then seriously OP, I would examine your own boundaries re: pregnancy and personal safety.

Figaro2017 · 02/06/2017 21:32

Turn it on it's head though. The withdrawal is for a specific reason (contraception) however if a man told you exactly how you could orgasm you (rightly) would call him controlling.

If you don't want the bodily fluids on you, don't start the sex act in the first place.

DistanceCall · 02/06/2017 21:33

Erm, you are fucking. I think some contact with the other person's bodily fluids at some point is par for the course.

MaisyPops · 02/06/2017 21:33

So on the point of ejeculation, other than whipping it out, he's supposed to carefully aim it onto the bed, towel or receptacle?

Would you like him to sing a Beatles medley whilst making shadow rabbits on the wall as well?
Grin Brilliant.

If you really don't like it then ideally he wouldn't OP but equally I can't help but feel a list of prescriptive alternatives that are lots of fuss in the moment are a little daft to picture.

msgrinch · 02/06/2017 21:37

Im shocked at "a blow jobs a treat" and the fact you'd rather him cum on your bed sheets. Clearly we're very very different people and live in opposite worlds. As in my house a blow jobs a 3 times a week thing and if i made him pull out (i don't, we're actually responisble with contraception), I'd rather he didn't do it on our bed, me showering is quicker than a bed change and the act is much more fun being done on me than on Laura Ashley. Each to there own I guess.

tiba · 02/06/2017 21:38

Having spoken in the past to DP about our fantasies, I asked if he ever wanted to cum on me (as in my experience other men have very much wanted to).

He downright refuses, his reason being that it is a totally degrading act and he would feel disrespectful doing it.

Hes a keeper

Heebejeebees · 02/06/2017 21:39

If you don't want anymore children, I'd see to that issue first (vasectomy or tubes tied if you're not comfortable with anything else)

If you're not comfortable in what happens between you and your DP, then sit and talk to him about what compromises you could both make and feel comfortable with.

Personally I've only just become sexually liberated, and it took the right man, and probably right timing. I'm happy as long as he is, as he makes me feel amazing, confident and sexy.

Good luck OP

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 02/06/2017 21:40

figaro what? So that would mean I could touch myself during sex, and then simba my husband and he cant conplain because he shouldn't be having sex if he doesn't want bodily fluids on him?

khajiit13 · 02/06/2017 21:41

"it's not your problem where he puts it"
"What an odd attitude to sex"

Really? It's not a woman's issue! He can sort himself a fucking tissue ffs

Louiselouie0890 · 02/06/2017 21:42

I don't mind on my body my face is a no no I find it really demeaning. He's probably just caught up in the moment I'd imagine tryna quickly grab a towel wouldn't be his first thought lol

dementedma · 02/06/2017 21:45

Surely the past tense should be "came" not "cummed".

Misses point entirely and wanders off to pedants' corner

Highalert · 02/06/2017 21:46

Your husband is called simba? is he a lion?

MaisyPops · 02/06/2017 21:47

He downright refuses, his reason being that it is a totally degrading act and he would feel disrespectful doing it.
Hes a keeper

Well isn't he the most moral and pure individual for having the 'right' view of a sex act.
Thank you for pointing out that anyone who does have a bit of cum on them has a partner who is disrespectful and degrading. Are you enjoying your holier than thou view of sex?
Hmm

OverthinkingSpartacus · 02/06/2017 21:50

I can see why people think it's abusive.

She has told him she doesn't like it and has asked him to stop. He knows perfectly she doesn't want him to do it, yet he still does it. He knows he doesn't have consent for a sexual thing he wants to do, he knows his partner finds it unpleasant enough to ask him to stop, most men wouldn't continue to keep doing it.

Him using the excuse of being carried away in the moment as it's a turn on is worrying if he genuinely means it. I think he's bullshitting and he can control where he aims, he doesn't want to/thinks he shouldn't have to. If he genuinely can't stop himself from doing things that he knows his partner finds unpleasant because he gets carried away as he's so turned on then I'd be worrying that him knowingly jizzing on my stomach without my consent would be an indicator of other boundaries he'd be willing to ignore.

I doesn't matter what each of us likes, OP doesn't like it, plenty if women don't like it and it's not a choice between her having him ejaculate in her body or messing his duvet. He has many other options, including using a tissue or aiming for his own leg or stomach. If his fluids are no big deal and it's unreasonable to not want to be ejaculated in, then it's no big deal for him to ejaculate onto himself.

A man who isn't get blowjobs and his sperm swallowed as part of everyday basic sex isn't hard done by either imho.

gillybeanz · 02/06/2017 21:50

It has to go somewhere though and if he had to aim at some receptacle surely it would spoil the moment.
I think you need to sort out some form of contraception, by the sounds of it.

Just wondering why it's ok for OP to not want to take the pill, but not ok for her dp to not want condoms.
Have never really fancied my dh wearing a condom tbh.
OP you could have the implant or coil?

LexieLulu · 02/06/2017 21:51

Next time he does it, wipe the spunk across his face and tell him he can have it back