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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be cummed on?

304 replies

YouAreMySweetestDownfall · 02/06/2017 19:23

My dp does not do condoms and I'm not a fan of the pill. We use the withdrawal method and he, without fail cums somewhere on my body. This was the same with my Xh and most of the blokes I've been with in the past. What do they get out of it? Is it like pudding to mark your territory?

I've mentioned it to my dp and his chilled out self always says 'sure, next time' but then gets 'caught up in the moment, and it ends up somewhere on my body Hmm.

I'm not being unreasonable to resent being covered in someone's body fluids am I?

OP posts:
wrongshui · 02/06/2017 20:42

We've got a child each from previous relationships but that's enough!!! It's like having twins.

Then sort out proper contraception immediately. Withdrawal is approx 78% effective (and that is if used correctly
So if he fails to pull out in time you are screwed as you then have to take
The horrible hormonal cocktail of the map) compared to 99%+ of most other methods. That's a massive and totally unnecessary risk you are taking. If you can't do hormones at all there is copper coil, condoms or sterilisation (for either of you) THAT is your biggest problem right now.

Re him cumming on you have a towel or similar handy so he can cum into that. If he refuses then all you can do is refuse sex until
He grows up.

NotQuiteJustYet · 02/06/2017 20:43

I'm so, so glad that the penis beaker has received an honourable mention here Grin

IloveBanff · 02/06/2017 20:44

OP you just said "What's wrong with with cummed on? Confused". What did you post this thread for then?

RiseToday · 02/06/2017 20:44

I'd rather he did it all over me than end up with a puddle on the bedsheets....

Original poster
YouAreMySweetestDownfall · 02/06/2017 20:45

I meant the phrase 'cummed on' which someone took against.

OP posts:
Original poster
YouAreMySweetestDownfall · 02/06/2017 20:46

People really love their bedsheets!

OP posts:
biggesttwuntinhistory · 02/06/2017 20:47

OP I just wanted to reassure you you're not on your own with relying on withdrawal. I've rattled my way through most contraceptives and they're just not for me/us. No, DP has not 'refused' condoms at all, but relying on them every time isn't fun. It's NOT for everyone, but if you understand your cycles and you've both been tested for STIs, he has self control and a baby isn't the end of the world, what is the problem??? Hmm 6yrs baby free and counting for moi, with sex a few times a week.

The spunk issue I can't help on - I love it, and its much more preferable on me than the bedding imo!

PeaFaceMcgee · 02/06/2017 20:48

That was me IloveBanff - and I'm not the only one in this thread to think it's abusive behaviour.

A woman being ejaculated on when she has explicitly stated that he may not do that, is an act of abuse. He is thinking solely of himself and not about his partner. She is not a piece of meat and deserves for her body to not be used against her wishes.

MaisyPops · 02/06/2017 20:49

OP
Not so much love my bed sheets... but I do!

Just I'd rather not sleep in a wet patch.

Plus, once it dries it's just dry patches of it until you change sheets. I don't want to sleep in 3 day old fluids.

PeaFaceMcgee · 02/06/2017 20:51

And it fucking stings if it gets in your eyes!

RiseToday · 02/06/2017 20:52

Ugh I hate sleeping in a wet patch, it's too sticky for my liking.

SecretNetter · 02/06/2017 20:54

Regarding the bedding, I'm not particularly bothered about sleeping next to wet patches [slovenly wench that I am].

BUT the dc sometimes sneak in in the night or in the morning for a cuddle...definitely do NOT want them lying on dried patches.

pinkisugarmouse · 02/06/2017 20:55

*And I do swallow but a blowjobs a treat, not day to day sex.

A blowjob is a "treat"? Your poor DP.

I'm on the pill so DH usually comes in me, but if he doesn't for some reason, I always swallow.*

Hmm I'm not sure about this. Am I unusual in that I really enjoy giving blowjobs? I don't do as a 'treat' and I know DH wouldn't want me to do it out of obligation. I genuinely enjoy it as much as DH likes receiving it. I don't think anyone man or woman should give any sexual act out of obligation, it should be a pleasure for both. But I don't think you need feel sorry for her partner. I am sure it's not going to drop off. Every couple is different and so long as they are happy and enjoying themselves that's all that matters.

youaredeluded · 02/06/2017 20:56

I have 2 kids thanks to the withdrawal methods

ShapelyBingoWing · 02/06/2017 20:56

I don't think I'd fancy a spunk pudding

There's a cook book for that. I shit you not.

Phoebefromfriends · 02/06/2017 20:56

Your DP needs to show you more respect in terms of his fluids. If he keeps doing it then you need to refuse sex. I don't understand why he wouldn't use condoms. As others have said if you want to prevent pregnancy I suggest you employ a more robust form of contraception, maybe he could get the snip?

pinkisugarmouse · 02/06/2017 21:01

This isn't emboldening the parts of the text I wanted it to, which is annoying. I was quoting someone else and now it appears as though I am being critical and judgemental. Feel a bit harassed about that.

I personally wouldn't want DH to cum in my hair, which frankly sounds weird not sexy but otherwise it seems sexier than cumming in a tissue. Personally I would sort out your contraception, so he can flipping cum wherever you both want without having to worry about unwanted pregnancy.

Emboo19 · 02/06/2017 21:02

I quite like don't mind it! Definitely better than on my bedsheets who wants the extra laundry. If it's a quick clean up problem, tissue then baby wipes Op. Obviously if you really don't like it, he should respect that and I'd be telling in him in no uncertain terms that it's a no go.

Booph · 02/06/2017 21:03

Just want to throw out there that we used withdrawal for 5 years and had no problems. I was probably always subconsciously a bit more cautious about it around my most fertile time but it worked for us!

Anyway my husband does this too though he does tend to apologise afterwards!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/06/2017 21:03

pinkisugarmouse What I meant really is that it's such a basic sex act that to classify it as a "treat" just seems so alien to me.

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/06/2017 21:06

Withdrawal method worked fine for us for years as long as you know your cycle inside out.

However, your body your choice. I would have hit the roof if he continued against my express wishes.

DixieFlatline · 02/06/2017 21:06

pinkisugarmouse What I meant really is that it's such a basic sex act that to classify it as a "treat" just seems so alien to me.

Yawn.

Oysterbabe · 02/06/2017 21:08

I mark my territory with pudding.

chitofftheshovel · 02/06/2017 21:10

pea and dr, I really struggle to see how this could be termed as abuse. Inconsiderate, perhaps. Selfish, maybe. But abuse is a very strong word, and, for me, suggesting this is abuse dumbs down actual abuse.

LuluJakey1 · 02/06/2017 21:14

I don't mind , you don't like it. Personal choice.