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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mortified, or am I overreacting?

228 replies

mynotsoperfectlife · 01/06/2017 21:53

We are on holiday at the moment, and when chatting to another family at the cottage we are staying at, DH announces that the children 'weren't planned.'

We've had a bit of a row about it. He says I'm being ridiculous and over reacting. I'm sitting upstairs avoiding him. Am I?

OP posts:
ZanyMobster · 02/06/2017 06:18

Weird thread, OP 'AIBU'? Majority of people 'yes' OP ' no om not you just don't understand what I'm saying '.

Seriously, you are overreacting. It is unlikely to have registered with the other couple at all, people say stuff like that all the time.

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 02/06/2017 07:13

Zany , I do think people were focusing rather exclusively on 'oh, lots of children aren't planned!' rather than the appropriateness of announcing 'on, she didn't plan them' to a room full of strangers. I also think people have unfairly rewritten what followed so rather than politely ignoring it and trying to talk to DH afterwards and rowing, I stormed out and embarrassed the people and sulked upstairs.

That didn't happen!

At any rate, I shall remember in future my sex life is to be discussed whenever, wherever.

OP posts:
FlossyMooToo · 02/06/2017 07:21

But he didnt discuss your sex life Confused
It sounds like he made a joke about the DC being unplanned. Very different to discussing what positions you like.

Are you normally this hard work?

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 02/06/2017 07:24

Yes, Flossy, always Smile

OP posts:
FlossyMooToo · 02/06/2017 07:34

Yes, Flossy, always

Poor DH.

caffeinestream · 02/06/2017 07:39

Why do you care what two strangers you'll never meet again think about whether your children were unplanned or otherwise?

I hope you've apologised to your husband.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/06/2017 07:40

You are making a mountain out of a molehill. Don't mess up your holiday because you are having a hissy fit about nothing,

Amanduh · 02/06/2017 07:40

Yes, yabu. Over reaction.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/06/2017 07:41

I think you should apologise too.

MissWilmottsGhost · 02/06/2017 07:48

Grin YABU OP

You think that's bad. Innocent questions about DD being an only child born when I was 40 require an answer that reveals my whole gynecological history, DD was conceived by IVF and not by sex at all.

You sound like my mum. She was such a prude she tried to pretend that she had only had sex 3 times, once for each child Grin

People have sex. Sex usually makes babies. No one over the age of 12 is shocked, surely?

Ecureuil · 02/06/2017 07:53

WTF?! Why would they think you're a nymphomaniac? People have sex all the time, not just to have children?! I really don't understand that train of thought at all.
Do you think having an unplanned child suggests you're having sex 15 times a day?
FWIW my second child was unplanned. We had sex once that month. Just once. And I was on the pill. Certainly no nymph!

Mummmy2017 · 02/06/2017 07:55

Why do people pick fights over something said that has happened and is done, Your sat fuming bet he is in bed asleep and hasn't even thought about it. So now your going to be annoyed and upset moody and a right pain, while the poor bloke won't even know or understand why.

Then he will get cross as well and all so you can feel better about something that was a throw away comment, not even ment to hurt you. to someone you will never see again. Bet if you asked him you have said something in the past that took him back for a second and he just forgot about it.

roundaboutthetown · 02/06/2017 07:58

Why would people think you are a nymphomaniac? How many children do you have?! Grin I can see why you are annoyed - strangers comment you look too young to have your oldest child and your dh does nothing to refute that, instead making a flippant comment about your inability to use contraception. Personally, I think it's quite a funny response to a rude comme, but hey, I guess you chose to be flattered by the comment about you looking young!

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 02/06/2017 08:01

Their comment was said nicely to be honest round - it was pretty clear it was 'you look too young' not 'you are' so it was clearly a compliment aimed at ageing well rather than accusing me of being a gymslip mum (I was 25 when I had DS so hardly.) Anyway, no permanent damage Hmm

OP posts:
BlondeB83 · 02/06/2017 08:01

You are overreacting.

roundaboutthetown · 02/06/2017 08:03

Np permanent damage cause by your dh, either... so I'm really not sure what your problem is. You seem to pick and choose who offends you quite indiscriminately!

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 02/06/2017 08:03

I wasn't offended, I was humiliated and embarrassed.

There is a difference.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 02/06/2017 08:03

I get where you are coming from, OP!

Not everyone is comfortable with that level of information sharing

roundaboutthetown · 02/06/2017 08:06

It was a comment I would not take literally as a stranger, though - any more than you took literally their comment about your age. Why did you think they would take it literally (especially when it isn't even entirely true?!)? Did your dh deliver the line in such a deadly serious way that the whole room went quiet?

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 02/06/2017 08:06

Thanks, soup, I know not everyone agrees but I do appreciate someone understands a bit.

It was the "she didn't plan it" I didn't like. It put it all on me. I don't know! I'm not very well and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

OP posts:
Foslady · 02/06/2017 08:07

Used to be friends with a girl at school who was the last child in a larger family. When her siblings ganged up on her and said she was a mistake her mum stopped it all by saying 'the first and last was planned......' - maybe adopt that attitude......

Really OP, it's only an issue because you want it to be. Suggest you re read the thread to see how many people really would think nothing of it

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 02/06/2017 08:07

Yeah, all right round, you really have made your point now, no need to spend all day repeating what a twat you think I am.

OP posts:
BluePeppers · 02/06/2017 08:13

ACtually seeing how judgemental some people are about unplanned pregnancy, comments along the lines of 'couldn't keep your legs closed?' Etc... this is not something I would advertise.

Also I think some people make a difference between a child that was unplanned and one that was very much wanted and long awaited (e.g. IVF). There is certainly, within the society, this feeling that in the latter case, parents will be very loving and that child was very much the result of their love. Whereas the other was an 'accident' -please not the negative connotation there too.

Fwiw all those ideas have been trotted on MN at one point or the other (and I've heard them in RL too)

In that context, this is an information I wouldnt share easily. And I can see why it would feel out of bond to make such comment to anyone Ike this.

redshoeblueshoe · 02/06/2017 08:14

I think it would have been much worse if he said she had planned them suggesting he got no say.
Unplanned does not mean unwanted.
25 is not that young.

BluePeppers · 02/06/2017 08:15

And YY about SHE didn't plan it.
By any chance, does it also reflect how yur DH feels about it? That contraception is your responsibility only and not his?

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