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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mortified, or am I overreacting?

228 replies

mynotsoperfectlife · 01/06/2017 21:53

We are on holiday at the moment, and when chatting to another family at the cottage we are staying at, DH announces that the children 'weren't planned.'

We've had a bit of a row about it. He says I'm being ridiculous and over reacting. I'm sitting upstairs avoiding him. Am I?

OP posts:
neveradullmoment99 · 01/06/2017 22:28

Total overreaction.

NoLoveofMine · 01/06/2017 22:29

My mum told me I was unplanned when I was asking about that time in her life once out of interest. I can't see anything wrong with it nor would I be remotely bothered if she's told anyone else. Unplanned doesn't mean unwanted.

BrexitSucks · 01/06/2017 22:31

Do you think people should be ashamed of unplanned children?

That always seems to be the subtext of these discussions, that it's somehow embarrassing or even shameful.

I'm not ashamed so I don't really get the umbrage.

WyfOfBathe · 01/06/2017 22:32

My parents were at uni when I was born and definitely had no intention to have a baby! I think I've always known I was a "happy surprise" (although as a teen/adult I have wondered how happy the surprise was at the time).

I think sometimes it's easier to tell things to people on holiday & won't see again than to people you know well but see frequently, as you know they won't bring it up in the future!

Viviennemary · 01/06/2017 22:32

This is a case of TMI. Your DH should keep his mouth shut about your personal family planning.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 01/06/2017 22:32

Are you really sulking upstairs after a highly questionable row?

You are on holiday in a cottage with another couple? And the row started when they complimented you and you took a light-hearted DH response comment badly?

Oh god, the poor bastards. Have they started a thread yet?

WinBigly · 01/06/2017 22:34

On a scale of 1-10 in overreaction terms this rates a 9 for me.

Certainly not enough to go off in a huff and ruin your holiday over.

NoLoveofMine · 01/06/2017 22:37

This is a case of TMI. Your DH should keep his mouth shut about your personal family planning.

I can see this point too as the OP and her husband don't know the other people he informed of this. Though I'd not mind anyone finding this out about me, if the OP would rather people didn't then she's entitled to feel that way.

YouWhatMate · 01/06/2017 22:37

Oh god, the poor bastards. Have they started a thread yet?

😂😂😂

ohtheholidays · 01/06/2017 22:39

I'm sorry OP but I did laugh when you said what the context was.

It's all very well knocking back a compliment about yourself but you shouldn't really ever knock back a compliment made about anyone else.

Your DH has been a Wally that or he was ever so slightly jealous that they didn't think he looked to young to have children that age Smile

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 01/06/2017 22:39

Are you actually crying with laughter x 3 there, YouWhat?

As for 'the poor bastards', why? Genuinely.

OP posts:
ShinyGirl · 01/06/2017 22:40

You're overreacting. Not a big deal, the people wouldn't give it a second thought.

Brogadoccio · 01/06/2017 22:41

I don't think it's that embarrassing myself but then I'm not the type to present my life as perfect. I think some people would find this embarrassing and they're not wrong to find it embarrassing overshare.

StillMedusa · 01/06/2017 22:41

My mother likes to point out that both my brother and me were accidents... 15 years apart !
Neither of us mind.
It doesn't seem anything to have an argument over.. I always assumed that most babies are unplanned ! (Well 3/4 of mine were... apparently my fertility trumps the mini pill....)

Topseyt · 01/06/2017 22:42

I am with you, OP.

I always said that even if any of my children had been unplanned, neither they nor anyone else would know it. The reason is that I am aware of at least one person on whom the effect of knowing that they were unplanned has been terrible. It isn't a risk I would have been willing to take.

It is something that many people might cope with, but some others don't.

Crumbs1 · 01/06/2017 22:43

I can't see anything embarrassing about it at all. Certainly nothing to get huffy about.

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 01/06/2017 22:43

It's one thing telling your own children the context of how they came to be, but announcing it to a room full of strangers was mildly embarrassing to say the least!

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 01/06/2017 22:43

Sounds like a joke rather a serious comment so I wouldn't make a big deal about it.

One of mine was planned. The other was about 3 years early Wink

CotswoldStrife · 01/06/2017 22:45

I assume that most babies are planned, and would be a bit taken aback if a stranger told me their children were not planned tbh! Way too much information!

Fastfrickinforwards · 01/06/2017 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaContessaDiPlump · 01/06/2017 22:46

I said in a job interview that the age gap between mine was rather unexpected but worked out well! They remembered it when I started there 2 months later so clearly it didn't count against me Grin

Why does it bother you so? Try to work out the reason for your discomfort.

Pinkheart5917 · 01/06/2017 22:47

In the context you mention "your not old enough to have a child that age" I think saying it wasn't planned is fine tbh.
He wasn't saying I don't love them or want them he was simply saying your pregnancy wasn't planned.

it wouldn't bother me tbh and it certainly wouldn't ruin even a night of my holiday.

Many dc are unplanned it's not an uncommon thing for people to say

NoLoveofMine · 01/06/2017 22:47

I always said that even if any of my children had been unplanned, neither they nor anyone else would know it.

I don't understand this at all. I, and a few posters on this very thread alone, were "unplanned"; what on Earth is wrong with it? It just means your parents didn't plan to have children at that stage but a pregnancy came along and they decided it'd be nice?

Sallystyle · 01/06/2017 22:50

It wouldn't bother me at all.

I have two that were unplanned. Proper unplanned. It comes up sometimes and it's not something I feel the need to hide.

My daughter loves hearing the story of how I got pregnant on the coil and it has been turned into a great story for her- she often says she was so determined to be born because she wanted to be our child really badly. They both know it was the best surprise ever so I don't see why it's something that should be hidden.

That's not to say that I go blurting it around but it sounds like your husband just blurted it out in a response to a compliment and you are now making into something big, like it should be a super secret.

Forget about it and enjoy the rest of your holiday. You do not need to feel mortified because someone on holiday knows you didn't plan your children.

HundredMilesAnHour · 01/06/2017 22:51

It's one thing telling your own children the context of how they came to be, but announcing it to a room full of strangers was mildly embarrassing to say the least!

I really don't understand your problem with this. I'm pretty sure the "room full of strangers" had the birds & bees talk a long time ago. What do you think is so "embarrassing" about your DC being unplanned? To be honest, I much prefer that than people who talk about how they're TTC. The TTC crew always sounds like they're telling everyone that they're forcing themselves to have sex (but would really rather not!).