To be mortified, or am I overreacting?

[mynotsoperfectlife]

We are on holiday at the moment, and when chatting to another family at the cottage we are staying at, DH announces that the children 'weren't planned.'

We've had a bit of a row about it. He says I'm being ridiculous and over reacting. I'm sitting upstairs avoiding him. Am I?

Each to her own I guess Mamma

None of my children were planned but it doesn't mean unwanted ! I don't feel mortified one bit ! I'm so happy I have them, wouldn't change them !

Overreacting

I know unplanned doesn't mean unwanted, I'm not arsed about that.

But I felt it was personal info to share with strangers - along the lines of when my next smear test was IYSWIM.

You are over reacting. Had he called them accidents I could see your point but honestly lots of babies are unplanned, it really isn't a big deal and the vouple wouldn't have paid any attention. A bit of a row and sulking off upstairs is pretty ridiculous though and they will have noticed that.

I'm sorry this has touched a nerve OP, but the other couple paid you a compliment about you looking young. It sounds like your DH agreed with them.

Now you are acting like you are too young to have kids. Time to grow up and stop sulking.

NoLove, because some people cannot differentiate unplanned from unwanted however much anyone tries to reassure them.

That has been the experience in our family, and is why I hold the views I do. I don't see it as hard to understand.

It isn't embarrassment. I am certainly not easily embarrassed. It just isn't information I would choose to give out.

Op, the overwhelming response is that YABU, do you accept that?

Massive overreaction. He really hasn't given anyone any insight into your sex life.

Neither of mine were planned and they know it

I'm not with their dads

We call the youngest "Baby Surprise".

They are safe in the knowledge they're loved and wanted

I've never ever felt mortified about their existence .

Nor do I trinity. Thewee I don't think people really understand what I'm saying. It's nothing to do with the children. It's to do with not wanting strangers thinking I'm a nympomaniac!

It's to do with not wanting strangers thinking I'm a nympomaniac

why on earth would anyone think that?

Massive overreaction. He did not talk about your sex life!!! He didn't even allude to it,no more than it was alluded to by having the kids present there as proof. He didn't say "oh we got drunk one night and had wild monkey sex,and while swinging from the chandelier the condom fell off ,and don't you know it 9 months later we had a baby!".

why on earth would they think that? You're being ridiculous. The vast majority of folk make babies in the same way; always have. The vast majority don't restrict sexual activities to times they plan to conceive. Sometimes there are unintended consequences too. Why is this in any way embarrassing?

It's to do with not wanting strangers thinking I'm a nympomaniac!

Because only nymphos have unplanned babies? I honestly can't follow your train of thought...from discussing sex life,to smear test to nympho conclusions.

I rarely comment, but seriously? Huge overreaction. Massive. I think you must be hard work.......

OP, had you ever discussed this with your DH beforehand and asked him to keep the information private. As can be seen in this thread a lot of people wouldnt have been fussed if their DH/DP had said this but you are perfectly entitled to not want to share this with other people - however you need to let your DH know.

I think you were unfair to be cross with him if he was unaware it would be a problem IYSWIM

Why would anyone think you're a nymphomaniac?? Very strange thought

I am really struggling to follow your thought processes here. There aren't many people who only have sex when they want a baby. If you have sex there is always a risk of an unplanned pregnancy even if you take precautions. Why on earth would anyone think you are a nymphomaniac just because you've had a couple of unplanned pregnancies? It really does not compute.

If you don't your DH to discuss this with other people you need to tell him. But I'm afraid I'm with him. You are being ridiculous and overreacting. Sorry.

It's to do with not wanting strangers thinking I'm a nympomaniac

OP, it sounds like you have some insecurities. Normal people have unplanned children. Being a nymphomaniac has nothing to do with it. People don't understand why you're upset (and likely your husband doesn't either) because they don't have these hang-ups that you have.

I wouldn't care if anyone knew when my next smear test was either.

Most adult couples have sex when not ttc! I don't see why people would think you're a nymphomaniac unless you and DH then ripped off your clothes and conceived another child in front of your neighbours?

You're not overreacting at all. Your dh saying your children weren't planned hearkens back to the phrase "unplanned pregnancy" which has connotations of unwed, pregnant, naive, flighty, and assumed-to-be-promiscuous teenagers, as untrue as that may be in actual fact.

I don't blame you for being upset and your husband needs to understand that saying your children weren't planned invites others to have a very inaccurate perception of who you are.

He needs to correct this in a subtle way in future conversations with this other family.

@LittleBeautyBelle those people don't give a shit. Last thing I'd do on a holiday is to arm chair psycho analyse a random's comment of "our kids weren't planned". Definitely not lose any sleep over their sex habits or the morals of the wife.

Nymphomaniac?!

Are you in glue?

oh dear op - whilst your dh has been rather insensitive you need to calm down. My dd2 wasn't planned and whilst never made a big thing of it, it isn't a secret but equally I don't go singing it from the rafters - nobodies business but ours. However if my ex did mention it I'd be ok about it. Not sure how it makes you a nynpho tho?