To be mortified, or am I overreacting?

[mynotsoperfectlife]

We are on holiday at the moment, and when chatting to another family at the cottage we are staying at, DH announces that the children 'weren't planned.'

We've had a bit of a row about it. He says I'm being ridiculous and over reacting. I'm sitting upstairs avoiding him. Am I?

Your responses to the comments on this thread are brilliant op.

You have had such an overreaction. Love it.

I think you're overreacting Op, especially as it's true. Really don't see the issue

YABU. Making a massive fuss over nothing. No one cares if were crap with contraception.

It's just as much his decision to talk about it as it is yours anyway.

Nolove, if you read the rest of my post you would have seen that I gave my reasons.

We have a family member who did not cope with the knowledge that they were unplanned and having seen the effect it had, it just isn't knowledge I would ever choose to share, even with the child.

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

How odd to be mortified about having an unplanned child. I'd say at least half of my friends have an unplanned child. Nothing to be embarrassed about imo. Two of mine were unplanned, but not unwanted.

Topseyt I did read the rest of your post but I don't understand what there is not to cope with about being unplanned, unless there are other factors as well which I can't think of. What is wrong with being unplanned and what could possibly be upsetting about purely that fact?

It's one thing telling your own children the context of how they came to be, but announcing it to a room full of strangers was mildly embarrassing to say the least!

Erm, I think the strangers are likely to know how your children came to be OP, and they probably don't care whether that act was with the intent of having a baby or not.

I get you aren't happy he discussed it with them, but I'm afraid that I think you are over reacting. Ask him not to mention it again and enjoy the rest of your holiday

Bit of an overreaction as far as I'm concerned. But we're each entitled to our own decision regarding what we want shared, aren't we?

I think the thing is that unfortunately unplanned = unwanted in a lot of people's minds and I think it's important that if someone says that a child was unplanned that a qualifier is added like 'but very much a welcome surprise!' or such. Both of mine were sort of 'unplanned surprises' in that we had a contraceptive failure with DS1 and I got pregnant with DS2 much sooner than we thought I would. But they were certainly welcome.

It's nothing really to do with that; I just didn't really want our sex life discussed with complete strangers.

Poor bastards: don't you see how horrifically awkward this is for the other couple in the holiday cottage with you?

Er no

They aren't in the cottage with us
I didn't say anything

Your sex life wasn't discussed though?

Alluded to. :)

It's nothing really to do with that; I just didn't really want our sex life discussed with complete strangers.

In fairness he isn't discussing your sex life. Presuming he didn't say "well I tried to pull out but you know how that can go and the next thing she is pregnant!"

Honestly this is an overreaction. Is he annoying you otherwise?

You are on holiday with complete strangers?

Throughout my entire childhood, my mum introduced my sister and I to other people as 'Pill failure and Coil Failure'.

I had no idea what it meant , but I do now......

when chatting to another family at the cottage we are staying at - I don't get it. Are they in your cottage or not?

No rabbit we just had a chat with them as they are in one cottage and we're in another.

If that's quite clear enough for you?

Jesus Dont

My first child definitely wasn't planned. Second wasn't really, either.
She just sort of turned up in her own time.

Massive over reaction from OP though. Loads of good things that happen to us are unplanned.
My own mother tells me that I was a 'last minute surprise' Perimenopause and she thought she was safe.
'Safe from what?' I ask myself. Me, I suppose!
I know she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, and I don't understand why it might be difficult for someone to 'deal with' (unless there is a back-story)
It's also the sort of thing one might say to a stranger on holiday
in the context of the conversation described.
I'm puzzled as to why it's caused such a drama.
I bet the DH keeps his gob shut in future.

I think you are over reacting. He probably had no idea it would bother you. x

Total overreaction in my opinion but everyone has different insecurities so if you are offended you are offended, fair enough!

Ge was perhaps telling them he finds you so attractive, he could not control himself!! It is a complement!

I tell people, including my DC that none of them were accidents, but they were all mistakes. I also tell them that my favourite is the one furthest away! Currently my 22 year old DD, married with a child of her own. (mile and a half away, as opposed to little DC fighting sleep/asleep upstairs)

Somehow, they all believe I love them and each one believes they are my favourite.

I do not think this would be a big deal for me, but I can see it is for you. The only thing you can change is how you view it. Try to look at it differently to how you are.

In the context you've given him coming out with that does sound a bit off. Why not just let you take the compliment.

Two of mine were planned, two beautiful surprises. I've never minded answering when people ask but I'd probably be a bit miffed with DH in a similar scenario to yours. He should apologise to you.