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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell his girlfriend I slept with him?

705 replies

Minnievintage · 01/06/2017 09:29

I'm on a well known dating site, been single for 3 years. I started talking to this guy who lives in my area but I don't know.

We got on really really well, and after 3 weeks of chatting on the dating site he suggested we meet. I was really into him so I agreed. So 2 weekends ago we met up at a pub that he suggested about 15 miles away from where we both lived - at the time it didn't cross my mind to think it was odd.

We got on really really well and I fancied the pants off him. It's been a long time since I found someone I connected with and fancied like that so I was so excited. We kissed at the end of the night very passionately. We then spent all of that week texting each other as he gave me his phone number - great I thought, this could end my dry spell!!!!

Weekend just gone, I suggested we meet again. He was abit hesitant said he had a few things on. Things had started to get progressively more sexual in the conversations between us so when I made a joke about something quite suggestive he quickly changed his tune and said we could meet at the weekend.

To cut a long story short, he came to my house and I cooked a meal for us and after too many wines we ended up sleeping together. He got out of bed afterwards and started to get dressed saying he had to go but wasn't off with me at all. I then asked what he was doing on the Sunday and he replied "I'm seeing my girlfriend!!!" To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement!!

I don't have Facebook but my friend did some digging and she's found out who is girlfriend is and they are engaged due to be married at Christmas. I don't know his girlfriend personally but I know of her. AIBU to tell her what happened? I know of it was me getting married I would want to know!

OP posts:
SilverdaleGlen · 01/06/2017 13:58

Set up FB messenger and tell her, with screenshots of OLD/Texts.

Don't wait until she's 10 years down the line, married with kids and her life implodes. Give her the chance to marry someone and have children with someone that actually loves her.

And for those saying "maybe it's an open relationship". Fine the GF will just ignore it on the basis she doesn't actually mind highly fucking unlikely no downside.

LunaJuna · 01/06/2017 13:58

I know you want some justice done here, but I wouldn't tell her.
At the best outcome, you'll be dragged into someone else's drama.
At the worst, you could be facing a nasty revenge from his/his friends or ever her ( you don't know her background)

SuperFlyHigh · 01/06/2017 14:02

Much as I like to say the FB profile is a good idea I've found (via FB) that I wasn't believed (an ex fiancé was flirting with me from abroad when he had a new GF and I messaged the new GF through his ex GF).

I also got accused by a woman "friend" of flirting with her live in boyfriend after a night where she'd invited me and 2 other Friends to eat and stay the night and the boyfriend was there with us all night. A couple of days later only me got an upset call saying I'd flirted with him?! Hmm I asked my other friends had I flirted etc and they said no and she/he was batshit!

So if not confront as she won't believe you...

AntagonyAunt · 01/06/2017 14:02

Minnie does it say on his dating profile whether he's looking for 'fun' or a relationship?
He's clearly an arsehole. Take screenshots of his profile in case he deletes it. I would send them to his girlfriend anonymously and tell her that he has cheated. She can then decide if she wants to reply and ask questions. If he asks you if you sent it, deny it.

NoFucksImAQueen · 01/06/2017 14:03

Op you've done nothing wrong, he has. I agree you should tell her. I'd be apologetic when you do and however you do it. not because you've done anything wrong but becuase, as this thread shows, people will always think you are doing it for your own benefit 🙄

BaDumShh · 01/06/2017 14:03

Pretty dusgusted with the amount of slut shaming going on on this thread. Grown ass woman consents to sleeping with grown ass man who told her she was single shocker. Somebody alert the church elders!

OP, please do not waste your time responding to these dinosaurs. And I definitely think you should tell her, she deserves to know this before committing to marriage with this man. What she then decides to do once she has the information is completely her decision.

ThisisrealityGreg · 01/06/2017 14:03

OP you really don't have to respond to the people who are questioning your motives/morals/whatever. You have explained yourself already - concentrate on those trying to actually help you come to a decision :)

Original poster
Minnievintage · 01/06/2017 14:04

SumThucker oh yes sorry I forgot you know me in RL don't you. You know all about my motives, my background. I sincerely apologise because you know all about me

OP posts:
Original poster
Minnievintage · 01/06/2017 14:07

realitygreg I won't be replying to the trolls anymore. I'm just glad I don't know them
in RL and would hope that it was one of you lovely ladies who had the courage to tell me if my future fiancé was doing the dirty on me

OP posts:
UnicornSparkles1 · 01/06/2017 14:08

What BaDumShh said. With bells on.

Germansausage88 · 01/06/2017 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ProseccoBitch · 01/06/2017 14:13

@Minnievintage I can't understand why people are giving you a hard time here, you sound like a really decent person to me.

TheCraicDealer · 01/06/2017 14:13

I don't think I'd tell her. He must be pretty damn audacious to have a profile on a dating site, and I imagine he'd just tell her you're crazy, you're lying and she'll believe him because she wants to: if they're engaged to be married this year it's going to be a massive wrench to call all of that off.

Sweetbitter nailed it for me. IME women who are with men like this typically have more than enough basis (or at least very strong suspicions) that's he's a dog, but because he stays with them somehow they've 'won'. It's them against all the other women who have tempted him. If she trots him out like a trophy all over social media then she's not going to turn round and call off the wedding. He'll do his penance (loads of apologies/excuses, she'll kick him out, blah blah blah) and then she'll back down, then he'll wait a few months and start over again.

I agree that people who behave like this should be held to account, but I don't think the scales are going to fall from this girl's eyes because OP tells her.

pandarific · 01/06/2017 14:13

Gutted though I would be if you told me, I would feel grateful my eyes had been opened and I wasn't being made a fool of. Do tell her op, best she has the truth and can make decisions based on that. Poor girl is already engaged to him, imagine getting married and then finding out!

ProseccoBitch · 01/06/2017 14:13

Wow @Germansausage88 that is LOW Hmm

SumThucker · 01/06/2017 14:14

Now German is a fucking troll Hmm

ElspethFlashman · 01/06/2017 14:15

Reported.

pandarific · 01/06/2017 14:15

What the fuck Germansausage88? Are you very thick? Have you ever heard of slut shaming?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 01/06/2017 14:16

German thats so out of order.

sweetbitter · 01/06/2017 14:16

GermanSausage, I'm glad that most on mumsnet don't share your oppressive values. Whether you actually believe in those values or are just posting that to get a rise, I feel sorry for you either way.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 01/06/2017 14:17

Good old half-term Hmm

ohfourfoxache · 01/06/2017 14:17

WTAF German? What a disgusting individual you are

BorisTrumpsHair · 01/06/2017 14:18

Germansausage88 I imagine it has really twisted you up, living your entire life in a Viz comic, but we don't say cunty things like calling women slags for enjoying sex these days.

Enjoy the rest of your half term tho.

Original poster
Minnievintage · 01/06/2017 14:19

😳

OP posts:
esk1mo · 01/06/2017 14:20

100% tell her. you dont know how many other women he has done this to.