To hate the fact that wedding invites come with a request for money?

[Generallyok]

I love going to weddings and would never dream of not giving a gift,but hate that we always seem to get sent a cute little poem that tells you that they have all their pots and pans etc etc but love money to fly somewhere in the sun. I do get that too and would ask if they have a list or would prefer money but it just seems a bit much to send out this message. We have just received one just for an evening invite. I'm not married but can't imagine sending an invite and then telling everyone we would like their dosh. AIBU?

@MargaretCavendish I'm with you on this one. I don't get why people get so mad at the cash requests but then find a registry acceptable with gifts of £50 plus. It's actually ruder than a cash request because you can at least control how much you give!

maybe because gifts can purchased by credit card/store credit and worried about later?

When I got married, I didn't have much money - did the whole thing for about £1400. I didn't expect other people to buy me a honeymoon. I didn't get one because we couldn't afford it. So I would baulk at being told to contribute X amount for someone else's if they were an established couple with a house and more money than me! Would feel much happier contributing if the couple were starting out and didn't have much. I think that's the point of wedding gifts, not to cover your plate or to buy expensive holidays for the b&g.
The amount should always be the guest's choice, otherwise it feels like buying a place at the wedding.

I didn't want gifts, or money. Honestly just happy to get married. However, people got angry, so in the end we said macmillan, or money if wanted. Hardly any donations to macmillan lol.
People get so angry about silly stuff at weddings. You will not win, do what you want to do.

We didn't ask for anything for our wedding. I couldn't bear to, we didn't have a gift list of any kind. Most guests gave us money or vouchers and a small few chose not to give anything- it's their decision.

I was asked once for money towards the deposit for a buy to let to "kickstart" the couples "property empire". They both had almost 6 figure salaries,rich parents and a central London Flat already. On the other hand I worked in the public sector and was still privately renting - I was only invited to the evening do. It seemed really wrong

REALLY hope you didn't go, Worm.

No - I didn't! My sister went but sent them an Oxfam "goat" as a present

We put a very polite request for money in our invitation (not in the form of a vomit inducing poem). Our families and friends are fortunately not the kind of judgey people who would take offence!

Yes, like those judgey people who fuss about please and thank you, I hate those kind of people.

As if anyone is going to know what their guests really think about sending a grabby money request in with an invitation.

We just went to a wedding with a John Lewis gift list. List solely consisted of £5 gift vouchers which you could add number of them that you wanted to buy!

The worst is when people say 'no boxed gifts'it's a not subtle way of asking for cash and forbidding anyone to choose yousomething if that's what they would prefer!

Expat we actually had that sent to us on a child's party invitation. So we didn't go.

Most parents ask what the child would like or give vouchers/money anyway. So rude to send with the invite.

Jesus weddings are such a palaver now!

The first time I had 'no boxed gifts' on an invitation I didn't even know what it meant! However, I am against waste so I would rather get/give something to someone they would like.

I loathe the idea of asking for stuff just because you're getting married.

I'd never give money if it was asked for. I might give some if it wasn't though. Or a small gift. But asking just comes across as grabby.

Something along the lines of "we don't expect anything at all but if you would like :"

Isn't so bad. But if it were me I'd probably just ask for a charity donation instead. Or have a bring a dish type reception instead if money were an issue.

Threads like this remind me of what we did and my blood does chill a bit. With the invitation we sent a small card with a note saying for details of directions, accommodation or the gift list please call X (my future MIL). Now I wonder if everyone was thinking we were rude. I only had one relative to invite, asked a coup,e of friends and the rest were dh family so hopefully it was okay.

Since, we've had invitations from his relatives and they all ask for money for the honeymoon/honeymoon experiences. I don't like it. I prefer to buy a gift off a list as it's fun to choose but we send a cheque as that's what is wanted.

I think money requests (especially poems) and the people who send them are trash.

We've been to a couple lately - extended family - that said 'no presents, just presence' but we've given them some cash anyway.

Actually asking for it is IMO very crass.

We made a point of saying no gifts because we were inviting guests to witness us declaring our commitment to each other, not trying to recoup the cost of the day.

I think it's a bit vulgar to mention anything other than a wedding list.

I don't like the poems, I think they're tacky and whispers a bit common. But I have no problem in giving money as a wedding present. In fact unless someone specifically has a wedding list I assume that's what they'd like. Most people have everything they need, pans etc, and I know I didn't want more pans when I got married.

'No - I didn't! My sister went but sent them an Oxfam "goat" as a present'

Haahaahaa!

'We put a very polite request for money in our invitation (not in the form of a vomit inducing poem).'

There's no such thing as a polite request for money.

wisteria ! For a child's party?! Dear god, that would be an instant decline for me, too.