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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my mother should not be writing to my GP?

83 replies

witsender · 31/05/2017 18:41

I have got B12 injections every 3 months due to pernicious anaemia. I also take thyroxin, and iron. I am 19wks pregnant with #3, in good health (fingers crossed etc) and having a peaceful pregnancy so far.

My mother used to be a nurse, and is a worrier. She is always on at me and thinking I am ill or whatever, to the point of crying at my best friend before we announced the pregnancy because she thought I was tired and hiding some hideous illness.

That's the background, so today I have an unexpected phone call from my GP who says he has received a letter from my mother expressing her concern that my medication wasn't being managed properly etc etc. He was calling to see if I was ok, and to reassure me my bloods were all fine. Which I knew. Because as a 36 yr old, fully functioning adult I manage my own care. Which I have also told her, repeatedly. He seemed amused and said it was 'very sweet'...which I don't really agree with.

Please tell me I'm not going mad, and that this is too far? Intrusive? I know that if I mention it she will get all offended and I will end up in the wrong.

OP posts:
HandbagFan · 31/05/2017 18:42

Completely inappropriate of your mother and frankly she may need help from the GP if things have got so bad for her.

SunsOutPlumsOut · 31/05/2017 18:42

Bloody hell hope he's not discussing anything with her! Very sweet? I'd be furious! With both of them

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/05/2017 18:44

Incredibly intrusive and inappropriate. I wouldn't blame you for getting really cross and telling her to back off, in no uncertain terms - but you may have to imagine all the things you'd like to say whilst gritting your teeth in real life, if it would cause too much fallout.

CantChoose · 31/05/2017 18:45

Def too far. I'm sure your gp wouldn't have given her any information anyway but you could ask them to add a note to your record to say she def does not have permission to access your records.
I agree with PPs, sounds like she needs to see her own GP to get some help.
Completely unreasonable of her to do that, especially without telling you!

Crashbangwhatausername · 31/05/2017 18:45

GP was probably trying to be kind about OPs dm, yes she needs to back off, absolutely none of her business, ask her how she felt when relatives of her patients became this involved when she was a nurse

CantChoose · 31/05/2017 18:46

He probably said it was sweet because saying it was batshit could be construed as unprofessional Grin

ClemDanfango · 31/05/2017 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 31/05/2017 18:49

It sounds like your GP did the right thing by contacting you to check- s/he won't be able to discuss you with your mother as it would break confidentiality, but if you were having problems and the GP did nothing there would be a lot of criticism. Hopefully as your mother has hit a 'block' now that will be that. You could always tell her you will be writing to her GP about her anxiety issues

Original poster
witsender · 31/05/2017 18:51

I'm just completely taken aback, and feel completely disrespected. I'm pretty smart but am being treated like a child.

The GP did sound amused/bemused, and I'm certain he won't have spoken to her. When I was heavily pregnant with #1 she couldn't get.hold of me one day so phoned all the local maternity units asking to speak to me until she found one who knew me (I was in labour) and when they said that I was busy she told them I had phoned her but my battery had died, how was I getting on etc. I had told her in advance (and the rest of the family) that we wouldn't be telling people at this stage as I didn't want the pressure. As it was I had a MW popping in to ask on her behalf, and she then started texting my husband every 10 minutes, until he politely told her to back off and she was distracting him.

I forgave that as excitement due to first grandchild, worry for me etc...but this has just blown me away.

OP posts:
opinionatedfreak · 31/05/2017 18:51

Wow! How OTT.

I am a HCP and have written to my grandfathers GP as I felt that the full picture about his health wasn't being disclosed by my bonkers aunt as she was hugely in denial about his frailty and dementia. Her denial was preventing him from accessing services he needed.

I made it explicitly clear that this was for information only and I didn't expect a reply.

BuzzKillington · 31/05/2017 18:54

OMG, I'd be furious. How embarrassing.

How dare your mum do this! I'd be having extremely stern words with her.

Tinseleverywhere · 31/05/2017 18:57

I'd actually say your mum might have some sort of a problem. Like hypochondria but focussing her anxiety on you. Maybe she needs some help herself.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 31/05/2017 18:58

I would totally refuse to discuss anything health with her and make it clear she has overstepped the mark , not only is it crazy but i would be furious at the intrusion

ElBandito · 31/05/2017 19:00

Ring her GP and say you are worried about her mental health. See how she like them apples.

SeekingSugar · 31/05/2017 19:00

Can you get an alert attached to your medical records warning about this? I have one as I had a stalker in the medical profession. My GP is excellent about it.

sparechange · 31/05/2017 19:02

Haha elbandito
But yes, do that...

BewareOfDragons · 31/05/2017 19:06

I think you have to make it clear that you are done with this behaviour. Completely done. Tell her that if she EVER goes behind your back like that again, harasses hospitals and midwives for information about you, or pesters your DH after it's been made clear when she will be informed about 'anything', then your relationship will become very distant.

Tell her she is grossly overstepping personal boundaries, and you are not having it. If she wants to stay in your life, she needs to back the hell off.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 31/05/2017 19:07

This is very intrusive but I don't think flying off the handle will help anyone as much as you might want to (and I would too).
I think it's best to sit down with her and tell her that it makes you feel disrespected and patronised when she acts this way and that if she has concerns she should ask you, then if you wish to share you will. If not, she is not to get offended as medical records are private and she should know this! You're an adult and she needs to treat you like one but there are better ways to get there than shouting and arguing with her

picklemepopcorn · 31/05/2017 19:09

Just let her know you are glad she cares, and by the way you'll be writing to her GP to ask them to check on her as you think she may have an odd form of dementia, as her behaviour is a little erratic.

Leeds2 · 31/05/2017 19:10

I would be beyond furious!
Make sure your surgery knows that no information about you is to be passed to her. Tell your labour ward the same thing when you are admitted.
And from now on tell her absolutely nothing about your health/the pregnancy. If she kicks off, tell her to ask your GP.
It really isn't acceptable behaviour.

AyUpMiDuck · 31/05/2017 19:13

elBandito perfect response

stuntcamel · 31/05/2017 19:15

Hypochondria by proxy?

Sprinklestar · 31/05/2017 19:17

How intrusive! I'd go no contact for a while I think.

picklemepopcorn · 31/05/2017 19:17

Ha! Didn't see elbanditos!

alltouchedout · 31/05/2017 19:19

I would lose my temper with her.

When I was trying to get ds1 into a primary school after we had moved and was having real difficulties, my dad took it upon himself to email the LA, my local councillor and the MP on my behalf, having been expressly asked not to. I was really cross and made no secret of it and he hasn't done anything like it since. I don't think he believed he did anything wrong though, even now.

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