To think that my mother should not be writing to my GP?

[witsender]

I have got B12 injections every 3 months due to pernicious anaemia. I also take thyroxin, and iron. I am 19wks pregnant with #3, in good health (fingers crossed etc) and having a peaceful pregnancy so far.

My mother used to be a nurse, and is a worrier. She is always on at me and thinking I am ill or whatever, to the point of crying at my best friend before we announced the pregnancy because she thought I was tired and hiding some hideous illness.

That's the background, so today I have an unexpected phone call from my GP who says he has received a letter from my mother expressing her concern that my medication wasn't being managed properly etc etc. He was calling to see if I was ok, and to reassure me my bloods were all fine. Which I knew. Because as a 36 yr old, fully functioning adult I manage my own care. Which I have also told her, repeatedly. He seemed amused and said it was 'very sweet'...which I don't really agree with.

Please tell me I'm not going mad, and that this is too far? Intrusive? I know that if I mention it she will get all offended and I will end up in the wrong.

This sounds like the kind of crazy shit my mum would pull. Sadly I too am in my thirties and she continues to treat me like a child who's life she needs to manage. She has improved in recent times after we had it out, she pulled something really outrageous involving my son. She has even used the "I could be dead soon" line to excuse her behaviour.
If you think talking to her would help then go ahead but she may never change.

My mum's been using that line for at least 17 years flanders

This has given me a flashback to my first labour that I had completely forgotten about. My parents had 'threatened' to come to the labour ward and wait outside. The midwives had strict instructions not to give my parents any information and not to tell me if they phoned. They kindly waited until my baby had arrived before passing on my parents best wishes... lovely midwives clearly understood!!

You really need to stamp on this now....your mother has gone so far past the line with this, the line is just a DOT to her!!

She got away with this behaviour already, you have missed your chance to deal with this casually, she'll be going through yor post and writing to the Bank Manager next.

I recommend sitting her down and talking to her about this because from what you've said it sounds like she is going to be a total nightmare once the baby is here.
And her writing to people to express concern could have much more serious consequences.
Imagine if she takes it upon herself to contact a health visitor saying she's worried the baby isn't being fed properly

Controlling behaviour like this is usually a reflection of an anxiety problem - your mum needs help.

You will need to extra assertive over this - tbh, I'd have a right rant at my mother if she did anything remotely like this!

Your GP will have heard it all before, but yes, bemused is what they will have been, I'd imagine

Strengthen your boundaries and reaffirm your confidentiality not just with your mother but with the gp.

GPs are human too, and are not always paragons of virtue and upholders of patient rights to confidentiality. To my knowledge my patient confidentiality has been breached three times - by three different hcps, so not just the exception that proves the rule.

Shockingly, the first of these was someone simply pretending they had the right to speak for me and about me, and being convincing enough that a GP gave away incredibly personal information in a telephone call - utterly unacceptable but they are human, and fell for it as it tapped into their own latent stereotypes and prejudices.

It took me a long time to get back from this incident, and in that time two other incidents happened. It was a nightmare and has left me with less respect and belief in 'the system'.

I've learnt that you have to be clear about your own boundaries when someone's pushing against them - as all the rules in the world don't seem to stop someone determined. People, and that includes hcps are fallible and when taken unawares / off guard, they can be manipulated. Everyone likes to do the right thing and someone arrogant and skilled enough can make it sound like it's no big deal to join in with the way a conversation is going.

Anyway, I'm sure I sound very paranoid but sadly that's what happens when you've had someone do this to you. It really knocked my confidence in the system, how easily professional boundaries can be manipulated.

I'd strongly recommend emailing the gp to clearly restate your boundaries and their role in that.

So, something like: Thanks for the call, just to make clear that no matter how 'sweet' and 'concerned' your mother may seem, you did just want to reiterate that she does not have your permission to access your medical details or be given any confidential information about you (even if it appears you are merely confirming facts that she appears to be in full possession of already). No other person speaks for you or on behalf of you, although you have every confidence that the gp practice takes data protection and patient confidentiality very seriously, it can't harm to clarify a situation where blurred boundaries may have been introduced

(Or something like that!).

Yanbu and your DM is overstepping massively

From the other side though I think it's essential that doctors DO take note of letters disclosing or expressing concerns regarding a patient.

I stress that this is a one way street and a GP wouldn't and shouldn't ever discuss a patient with someone but it can be really important when you have relative who go into 'oh I'm fine doctor' mode when confronted by a medic. Witness my DF and uncle both of whom may or may not have memory problems/ be able to remember how they thought they were dying at 3am last Wednesday/ have been causing all sorts of agro to their wives by refusing to admit problems.

Hope you manage to get her to back off OP