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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick poll - Is this the right level of punishment?

270 replies

ChickenAndSpinachBalti · 31/05/2017 14:34

Help MN jury. DS (nearly 9yo) took something of mine. Without asking. So he stole.

Just a cheapo, silver (ish) chain which was broken and in the kitchen-drawer-of-crap. Think it was there with a vague thought I may try and fix at some time. Been there for a while years probably. If he had asked I would have given it to him without a thought.

He was borrowing (and had asked nicely) some safety pins to make a pirate costume. I pointed him to the drawer of crap. He saw the necklace and thought it would be great "treasure" for their game. Took it. Didn't ask.

DD (11yo) came and told me later.

DS now currently sent to his room for an hour. Our neighbours boys are over so he can hear everyone still playing pirates without him.

He is already under caution (and had electronics taken away) for watching Minecraft videos when told not to. (broke trust/disobeyed direct request)

So I need a sanction for the stealing. It is his birthday at the weekend. We are going out with all of us/celebrating with DH/doing cakes etc on the Sunday as DH will be there and then on his actual birthday - Monday - DD/DS and I were planning on going to Harry Potter World (it is Inset day here).

Is it too harsh a punishment to cancel Harry Potter World? For stealing? He doesn't seem to get it when he has done wrong. Says sorry but just looks a bit sulky when he does so. I really want to get the message across that twice he has broken trust (videos and now stealing) and this is really bad.

Or am I overplaying it?

AM so cross right now I am not sure if IABU or even too soft cos I love him even if he has been a toe-rag

Thank you

OP posts:
FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 31/05/2017 14:43

"Go that way to the draw of crap"
child takes crap to play with
"No Harry Potter day for you!"

Way too mean. How do you know he wasn't going to return crap chain later?

Bluntness100 · 31/05/2017 14:43

Is this for real? I certainly hope not. Most folks would just say ask next time. I wouldn't even have sent him to his room.

The punishment should fit the crime. You're way way way over the top. They will grow up and remember it. Try to behave reasonably.

Otherwise your punishment will be kids who grow up to hate your guts.

Kokusai · 31/05/2017 14:43

Yikes.

Why keep valuable stuff mixed up in the "drawer of crap"? And if it isn't valuable, why the frick do you care that he played with it?

^This.

He didn't steel it FFS he was just playing with some broken crap you'd left in a junk drawer.

Carolinethebrave · 31/05/2017 14:43

Way over the top
I wouldnt have cared let alone reprimanded for taking a manky chain from a drawer of crap
YABU

Kokusai · 31/05/2017 14:44

I though you were going to say he stole your CC and racked up £15k of debt.

FoofFighter · 31/05/2017 14:44

and just re-read and seen it's his birthday treat too?! that's awfully mean of you Sad

WalkingOnLeg0 · 31/05/2017 14:44

Might be a case of informing child protective services if the parent is this abusive to the child.

BattleaxeGalactica · 31/05/2017 14:45

Sent to his room for an hour for this is too harsh imo. Cancelling HP would be way beyond the pale. Are you usually this hard on him?

elizabethleicester · 31/05/2017 14:45

Way, way too harsh. It wasn't in your jewellery box or anywhere private and he was reasonable to assume it was junk.

TheVeryThing · 31/05/2017 14:46

This can't be serious, surely? I have a nine year old too, and there's no way I would make a big deal out of this.
I might remind him to check first in future but that's about it.
Your reaction to this is quite concerning - what will you do if does something seriously wrong?

hottotrotsky · 31/05/2017 14:47

Gotta be a wind up, ladies. And: breathe.

Reckon op will vanish anyhoo.

Writerwannabe83 · 31/05/2017 14:47

Massive, massive over reaction. Very, very harsh.

MrsFrankieHeck · 31/05/2017 14:48

Does your DD often grass on him? I would be having a word with her about being a rat if I were you.

TheSparrowhawk · 31/05/2017 14:48

Way way way way too harsh by about a hundred miles. He asked to go in the junk drawer, saw some junk and used it. He didn't steal anything. You are massively overreacting to absolutely nothing.

Had my DS done that I would have just said 'Just check with mummy first if there's something unusual like this in the drawer,' and then I'd have let him have it. Punishment is totally unnecessary!

Heratnumber7 · 31/05/2017 14:48

Huge over reaction. Shock

Dancinginthemidnight · 31/05/2017 14:48

You are being completely over the top. Your poor Son.

kateclarke · 31/05/2017 14:49

I really hope that this isn't true.

Just in case it is, you are being horribly abusive and you kid will grow up to hate you. Get some help.

ohidoliketobe · 31/05/2017 14:49

Jesus OP.
I don't like judging other on their parenting. It's a short tough job at times.
But. Wow.
To answer your question directly. Yes. I think cancelling HPW would be too tough a punishment.

IDontBowlOnShabbos · 31/05/2017 14:50

Wow I thought you were going to say is sending him to his room for an hour while his friends played to harsh.
I would have said yes to harsh but it's done now. there's no way you can cancel a birthday treat for that op!

Does he already know about Harry Potter? That's the kind of thing that will make him resent you in years to come.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 31/05/2017 14:50

I am with everyone else, it was in a kitchen drawer with other bits of crap how was the poor kid meant to know it wasn't fair game for his costume? There is no punishment required.

AlternativeTentacle · 31/05/2017 14:50

Ridiculous OP. Climb down off your high horse and let the kid go and play. Fucks sake.

DinnerIsServed · 31/05/2017 14:53

Had my DS done that I would have just said 'Just check with mummy first if there's something unusual like this in the drawer,' and then I'd have let him have it. Punishment is totally unnecessary!
Does your DD often grass on him? I would be having a word with her about being a rat if I were you.
Both these ^^

ScarlettFreestone · 31/05/2017 14:53

What??? Confused

I'm very, very strict with my children and I wouldn't have punished at all for this.

A quick "you shouldn't have taken it without asking" would be enough.

Your punishment is proportionate to taking your best necklace out of your jewellery box and breaking or losing it.

It's not in any way proportionate to taking a broken and abandoned chain for a game.

In order to be effective punishments need to fit the crime and be fair.

Don't bring out the big guns for minor offenses.

You are making a big mistake here. All you are going to do is breed resentment.

BitchPeas · 31/05/2017 14:53

Dear god woman you need to back right down and apologise to him. You seem to take normal child behaviour way way to seriously. If you want any kind of relationship with him
In 10
Years time I'd sort your attitude to parenting out pronto.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/05/2017 14:53

Is DD always the 'good child' and DS always the 'bad child'? Because she's grassing him up and he's losing privileges. She needs a lesson in only telling on people when there's a good reason (safety for example) and he needs a parent that listens and talks.

Look at the intention of the act. Not the act. He didn't mean any harm either time. Have you got a weird obsession with obedience?

The sulky face while being told off is him thinking your're harsh and unfair and not being able to say. He's right.

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