Behaviour at school play yesterday

[user1485342611]

We had:

The woman who put her child standing on a chair for a better view, despite the fact they were up near the front, and then stood herself for the remainder of the performance.

The baby who was allowed cry and disrupt the performance several times before the mother took her out

The family who all clattered in late and settled themselves with much scraping of chairs.

The whiny toddler whose parents loudly accommodated him, 'do you want to sit on my lap' 'here's a biscuit' etc

The adults who chatted together when their child wasn't on stage

And the mother who answered two phone calls during the play.

Not to mention the parents holding their phones up in front of everyone to record the whole thing.

Are some adults incapable of showing a bit of cop on and consideration for half a bloody hour?

Boston,

That story is appalling.

In a previous school, one parent put up a picture of a child who could not be photographed for similar reasons to your DC up on their Facebook page .. for about 10 minutes. Fuzzy, in the background, but there. Within about 5 minutes, a whole bevy of parents descended to get it taken down, and we would probably have had a lynch mob in the playground had the HT not intervened and watched said parent delete the picture both from fb and their phone.

Police and appropriate people were informed, security measures were redoubled, and because it was so brief, nothing in the end came of it and the family did not have to move.

I have never again seen a parent body rise up as a group as it did that day, to protect a child and family they thought of as 'their duty' to protect and who they thought someone else had betrayed the trust of. I am so sorry that you had to move.

I am APPALLED, btw, that the school has refused to ban taking photographs, given the history - simply on the grounds f social exclusion, your child's treatment by the second school is just wrong.

After the event I referred to, the HT banned all photos during the performance, with a staged photocall at the end, and everyone accepted it because they understood why it was so important.

(Our planned next step was to confiscate all camaras and phones at the entrance, but we never had to go there!)

Parents that bring the whole family along and save seats for the grandparents, aunties etc at the front. I'm usually the only one with time to watch my DC and I want her to see I'm there. Last time there were loads of parents stuck at the back not being able to see their kids as there were extended families hogging the front

Cantkeepaway....
Thanks for understanding. So many dont. The phone call was from the head....who had telephoned the parents demanding they remove it immediately. The head was imformed by a school parent govenor who was appalled and called the Head.
Said parent never apologised or spoke of it to us, but has been fairly vocal of their right to post pictures of their child - even if there are other children in the shot.
We knew then our days in that location were numbered.

I do use a camcorder to record my son's solos (he is 18 and has a music scholarship and his school days are numbered) but I have never posted it in online and if I have ever recorded a band he is in I only ever send it to him and no one else. I also always sit at the end of a row and do not obscure those behind.

My daughter went to school with a friend who was from a pretty famous titled family and their addres and other details were left of the class address list. Not surprisingly everyone was very good about publicity issues.

I do hate parents who come in late. My son (18) who is music prefect at school stopped a noisy lady going in in the middle of an item at the last concert - she could not understand that it would be better to wait 5 - 3 minutes until the clapping started rather than barge immediately!

In the case of his school it is at least 80% non white with a huge number of immigrants who have not been brought up in a tradition of total silence during a performance of bach etc so we do not entirely blame the parents - it is just they have to be trained as to English etiquette at these things and they want to learn - they are very grateful to have the chance of a good English education for their children. One lady (a granny from I think a Kurdish are) bugged everyone on the row including me at the end of the last concert which was lovely and unexpected - at least she waited until the end of the concert.

I often think it would be a good idea for schools who allow recording of these things to get a parent or teacher with a decent camera to pop it at the back and be official videographer, ban all other recording equipment and thebmake the video privately available to parents to download afterwards

You read my mind 44

YANBU. The amount of self centered ignorant people around is astonishing. They all do seem to crawl out of the woodwork for school plays too...

How lovely of the English parents to educate the ignorant people from other countries.

I think the rudest people I have seen at school productions have often been English, they seem to have missed the tradition of total silence.

I haven't read all of the thread yet but ds old Head Teacher used to stress to parents, at the beginning of the play, that the dc & teachers had worked tirelessly on the performance and asked that parents of babies & toddlers, kept noise to a minimum. There was an option of standing out and watching through the hall doors if this wasn't possible.

At ds new school the Head never made a reference to this but tbh we haven't really had any disruption like the OP describes. We also are told not to record the performance as a DVD will be available to buy.

OP, I think some of the parents were incredibly rude at your school.

I work In a school and photography is banned as we have a lot of parents who wish that their children aren't photographed or filmed by other parents which is totally understandable, you don't know what social media it could end up on or who can see it. In future I would say to the teachers you don't wish for your child to be photographed and that may sort the phone/camera situation out. And at the beginning of any of our performances we do a polite speech about being thankful that parents could make it and we understand they may need to be contacted via calls and if this is the case so and so door to the back of the hall is unlocked for you to pop out off. We also understand younger siblings are excited to come along and watch the show too but if they do become restless so and so classroom has some activities/ toys laid out for you to entertain them in. This seems to work for us. Would be nice if the staff at your child's setting started something similar to save a repeat in future

I usually found a pocketful of small packets of chocolate buttons ensured silence from younger siblings.

it is just they have to be trained as to English etiquette at these things and they want to learn - they are very grateful to have the chance of a good English education for their children.

This is racist and rubbish - I've seen a lot of english people being very loud and inconsiderate, at a range of performance events!

Oh, the joys of school productions. Thankfully, not been on my circuit for a few years now, but OP, I agree with every word you say. To the PP who said, "I put my child ahead of everyone else...don't you?" , well, yes of course I do. But teaching them that they need to be considerate of other people's reasonable comfort and preferences, that they are part of a group and not the Sun King centre of the universe, is part of my duty as a parent and is one of the ways I have put myself out for my children.

Anyway, this reminds me of an exchange years ago with another parent. I had arrived early to sit on an aisle seat about half way down the hall, as my child was going to be making an entrance through the aisle, before vanishing to the back of the stage, and it would be my only chance to grab a photo of him in action. Another parent arrives just before lights down, and asks for my seat.

"Ah, well. I want to be able to take a photo, and so chose this seat specifically, but there are seats on this row, look."
"Oh. But I won't be able to film the stage as easily from there. I always look for an aisle seat."
"Um. Well. I did arrive early in order to be able to choose my seat. So..."

Parent stalks off, grimfaced. Leaving me triumphant, if somewhat bemused.

A strict no lateness policy would address one of the reasonable objections the OP makes. The school should also consider some forms of behaviour being such that the offenders cannot attend school events in future.

All this can come under a policy of setting a good example to children in line with the school's values.

New school also refuse to ban photos so now our child can not be in school plays at all

I'm surprised they are refusing to help, and it may be worth checking the legal situation? I would have thought that to penalise your child, by not allowing him/her to be in plays, rather than protecting his privacy, would not be considered a reasonable way for them to discharge their responsibilities?

One might assume that the school knows the legalities, but out local school insisted on providing all parental email addresses in the header of all emails they sent out, even when asked to stop (under DPA they shouldn't do this). They only stopped when threatened with action (not by me!)...so don't assume that the school doesn't have to protect your child in this way.

YANBU OP. Our school does a crèche for young children/ babies which is staffed by the TAs. And no-one would dream of getting their phone out, as you would be asked to leave. But DS goes to a very strict catholic school where teachers are happy to give orders!

Some things YABU others YANBU

boston that's dreadful! For the first few years my DD was at school we were not allowed to take any photos of any school events because there were looked-after children who couldn't be identified.

It is so much easier to have a blanket ban, and although people moaned nobody did sneak photos.

Those children have now moved on to secondary and we are now allowed to take photos.

I can't believe your school allowed people to take photos, knowing your situation. That is really bad.

I'm very glad my kids school allowing filming of performances. Virtually all are during the day and if it wasn't for filming I would never get to see any. I work in a school myself and so cannot get time off to attend anything in person.
That said, I wish the school would film it themselves and make it available as the sea of mobiles is quite off putting when you're trying to watch it.

My dc infants bans all younger siblings - they are looked after in a creche for the performance and no flash photography or standing up - works fine. Some people are just rude and ignorant. DC juniors is more relaxed on younger children but strict on no photography. All seems to work as everyone knows what the rules are and head teacher is a wonder woman but I for one would not want to cross her - think lots of parents feel the same. The children adore her :)

Thankyou to those with kind words.
Having explored the issue with the LEA it is up to each school and board of governers to set the guidelines re photos. It just so happens the 2 schools our dc has been in have refused to ban pics. In contrast older dc is in private school who immediately asked all parents not to take pics and give opportunity for photo calls after the performance - nobody seems to mind and it means an uninterupted play too.
Dc2 will be joining older dc in a year or so, until then we sit out each play, and school class photo! and simply have to cherish the smaller things in life. It certainly makes one grateful for the little things, thats for sure

All these schools who ban photos, just wondering, do they ban photos at sports day too and other events? I understand the reason why, however it must be really hard to police.

Boston...just wondering what does your child think if that? Ie having to sit out of plays etc just in case someone inadvertently takes a photo of them. Do they know the reason why and what is their understanding of that?

mummypopz - in older dc school - yes. at a sporting event recently the head got up and simply said - please keep phones in your pocket folks, we don't have permission from all parents for photos thanks.
DH who attended said he did however notice a few parents taking a snap of their child but as our DC wasn't in that event (eg that certain race) he didn't say anything. IF our DC was in the race at the time DH would have gone over and said please put it away thanks.....
There is a huge sense of entitlement wherever you go with kids - we have it too - we expect people to not photograph our kids - just like people expect to photograph their own kid at a special event....its tricky, for other people its disappointing, for our kids it could risk their lives.