To discourage my friend from getting a 'Manchester Bee' tattoo

[CircleofWillis]

My friend is from Manchester but moved to London 25 years ago. She wants to get a bee tattoo to show her support for the people affected by the awful tragedy and to give financial support to the appeal. She doesn't have any tattoos and has previously stated she doesn't like them. AIBU to want to talk her out of it as she may regret such a permanent statement in the future. Instead I want to suggest she think about just donating the money. I know it is her body and her choice but I feel she is being swept up in the emotion as some of her friends from home have posted their tattoos on FB. I don't have any tattoos myself but not because I have any dislike of them but I would hesitate myself before having a permanent reminder of such a sad event on my body.

So if your friend regrets it, she regrets it. A grown woman. Made her own decision and regretted it. It happens all the time.

The ones I've seen look pretty big and bold. I'd maybe advise her to get a discreet one, if she doesn't like tattoos generally.

True. OP, my advice would be to leave her to it, then you can use it as banter in a couple of years time. "Lol remember when you got a bee tattoo"

It's hardly a topic to banter about

There are worse tattoos to get. A boyfriend's name, a forehead tattoo, a giant cock on her arse. I really wouldn't say anything about this to her. It obviously means something to her.

I imagine this thread will get deleted just like the last 2.

I dont intend to offend anyone who already has it but tbh i find that bee tatoo rather ugly... I also dont get this way of showing support, how exactly is this supporting those affected?.. To me it is attention seeking not much of supporting...

People are taking such offense to my comments about performance grieving because they don't like their insincerity and attention seeking pointed out. It's still a fact. This is a tragedy for the victims and their loved ones, they can react any way they like. People trying to get involved in that to make it about themselves are extremely offensive and pathetic. Getting a tattoo because you're so desperate to be a part of a public grief performance is your legal but nobody is obliged to pretend it is anything else.

No hilda, people are taking offence because you have no idea what you're talking about, your ignorance is only matched by your arrogance and, lastly but most importantly, you presume to speak for the victims and their families.

The first two are merely you being thick, which you're entitled to do, but the last is crossing a line.

Hilda does kind of have a point (IMO). The whole thing was a real tragedy. Saddening and sickening. Getting a tattoo in relation to it just because you're from the city where it happened is a bit weird, IMO.

Fascinating that you would think your inability to relate to this decision is a flaw in the behaviour of the people being discussed, rather than in your understanding of it. I mean that quite genuinely by the way, not just as a diss. It really does interest me.

Can't help but think it's pure snobbery -either 'look at all the poor northern people showing their emotions' or about tattoos.

Yup. With a side order of imagine people having a culture I'm not part of and responses I don't understand. Smelling salts!

For gods sake, its a tiny bee tattoo, I really do not see what all the drama is about. It isn't going to be on her face and it isn't like she is having her nose pierced with a giant bullring. It really is NONE of your business OP. If a friend told me what I could and couldn't do with MY body they would not be my friend anymore. Maybe you should stop being a busy bee and meddling in her life choices?

Best comment I read about the bee tattoo....

"Does it sting?"

Mancunian humour!

It's supporting the people affected through the fundraising. My local tattoo parlour has raised a fair bit of money too. At least one of the victims parents have had the tattoos themselves so they at least find some comfort in it, obviously don't know about other families.

I always dislike the rhetoric after these attacks about 'not letting it beat us' , 'carry on as normal' as I always think about how the victims and families must feel hearing this given nothing will be normal for them ever again. But I live in Manchester, although not from here and I genuinely don't think this is a performance grief thing. People are pulling together here, in small ways that won't be reported on the news, and want to show they care and are proud of Manchester, and this is just one way they are doing it.

Fascinating that you would think your inability to relate to this decision is a flaw in the behaviour of the people being discussed, rather than in your understanding of it. I mean that quite genuinely by the way, not just as a diss. It really does interest me

Fascinating that you would think your inability to relate to my point is a flaw in my understanding, rather than in your own.

WRT snobbiness (not sure if it was aimed at me or not), I have lots of tattoos. It's not that (people really do like to cry "snob!" on mumsnet)

how exactly is this supporting those affected?

Fundraising.

I had mine done yesterday. But I am heavily tattooed anyway. It's not tiny, maybe 2-3 inches and it's absolutely beautiful
Strangely the tattoo place is an hours drive away and the radio station were doing the top 50 Noel Gallagher songs. People had voted for them, and the number 1 came on as I parked up and they said how many votes they had for don't look back in anger
I think the appeal has raised over £50,000 so far

I dont intend to offend anyone who already has it but tbh i find that bee tatoo rather ugly

I also dont get this way of showing support, how exactly is this supporting those affected?

During the Industrial Revolution in the 1800s, Manchester had many new thriving businesses & factories which were referred to as hives of industry, and that made the employees worker bees. That's where the symbol comes from. It represents and celebrates the hard working people of Manchester.

Fascinating that you would think your inability to relate to my point is a flaw in my understanding, rather than in your own.

Not really. I imagine you think you're being clever doing the adult equivalent of rubber and glue, but the reality is that your comment upthread basically said I don't get it so there must be something wrong with it. You didn't stop for a second to wonder if maybe you not understanding it was irrelevant to the validity of the practice.

For your analogy to work, doing what you did would have to be an identifiable cultural phenomenon in the same way that bee tattoos are becoming. If that's what you're suggesting, do tell us more.

Just checked - £86,000 now and the studio I went to raised £3000

Not really. I imagine you think you're being clever doing the adult equivalent of rubber and glue, but the reality is that your comment upthread basically said I don't get it so there must be something wrong with it. You didn't stop for a second to wonder if maybe you not understanding it was irrelevant to the validity of the practice

I'm definitely not the one trying to appear clever here. Do you even listen to yourself??

your comment upthread basically said I don't get it so there must be something wrong with it

Nope. I said, "it's a bit weird, in my opinion". Stop being a drama queen.

Each to their own imho.

I'll admit I find it a bit strange people having them who weren't linked to the horrific attack either by circumstance/locality/family etc but I'm not going to judge anyone for it.

I'd be honest and tell her if she wants to deface herself performance grieving then that's her business but she's just outing herself as someone who's getting swept up in a wave of manufactured emotion and attention seeking.

Possibly a teensy bit rude, but ultimately true.

I get where you are coming from op. She hasn't liked tattoos in her past and are worried she may regret it. Maybe just mention in conversation that it must mean a lot to her because she's never really been fussed on tattoos and is she definitely sure. Then take whatever answer she gives and be supportive of it, which I believe you would do.

I can see why others think of it as attention seeking, however it is raising money and that is a good thing and any way of making money can be seen as attention seeking or look at me. If it's for a good cause then I don't see the issue of being like that.

Missing the point totally but still hooting at deface I can just imagine the expression that's sad with.....kind of Les Dawson-esque

Nope. I said, "it's a bit weird, in my opinion". Stop being a drama queen.

You saying I'm drama queening rather than actually rebutting the point made indicates that you can't. Because I'm right. Your posts have indicated that you don't get why people are doing it, and that's led you to say it's weird. You literally are taking your own lack of understanding and then making a negative judgement about the practice because of it. Other people are allowed an opinion on your opinion.

I get where you are coming from op. She hasn't liked tattoos in her past and are worried she may regret it. Maybe just mention in conversation that it must mean a lot to her because she's never really been fussed on tattoos and is she definitely sure. Then take whatever answer she gives and be supportive of it, which I believe you would do.
Thank you pain. I think your suggestion is a good balance between looking out for a friend and being an interfering busybody.

I quite like tattoos myself but have never felt drawn to having one. I am not disagreeing with the thousands of people who are getting the bee tattoos. I think it is a lovely caring movement. I am just worried that the association with the tragedy and the opportunity to help the appeal might mean that some people who would not previously have considered a tattoo or who would not make the same choice in two months time might get them. As pps have said this is none of my business. I suppose I am sensitive as my Father had a regimental tattoo from his time in the forces which he bitterly regrets and covers up at any opportunity so I have grown up knowing that it can have a big effect on how a person sees themselves.

I fully support them (still umming and ahhing if I want one) and anyone who wants one BUT if your friend has said in the past she doesn't like tattoos then I think IIWM I would say something like "really? thought you hated tattoos, why not get one of the bee necklaces/watches they are lovely etc" then you are doing the friend duty of sounding them out about an idea you think they may regret but not risking sounding massively disapproving.

People aren't getting them out of grief, they are a sign of positivity, solidarity, support and standing together for the people of Manchester. People aged from 18 - 70 were seen getting them, chatting, coming together and its raised an awful lot of money for the victims and their families.

I

It's got nothing to do with anyone what anyone else does...That said, I'm not keen on this 'bee tattoo' craze that people are into just now. Because it's permanent, I feel it's a bit of a fad, and people will regret it...So maybe the OP should voice her views to her pal that she should really think it through... Why not get a temporary one? I think many people getting this tattoo will regret it in the future. And to be frank, the bee tattoo is a little bit shit. (IMO.)

I have googled 'Manchester bee tattoo,' and haven't found ONE that looks good.

This is just my opinion but I have to say that I can't understand anyone getting a bee tattoo, unless they are someone who lost someone close to them in that terrorist attack in Manchester. (And even if they did get it, it should be somewhere where it can't be seen very easily, or at least get a tiny one!)

Although @Hildaog is a little brusque and harsh with her words, I agree with what she is saying in principle. Yes of course it's OK to feel upset by what happened, but to get so emotionally invested in it, when it didn't affect you personally, is a bit strange imo. If you didn't even know a single person at that event who was harmed in that terrorist attack; I can't fathom why you would have a bee tattoo. Get a TEMPORARY one, or a necklace, or a bracelet, but not a permanent tattoo.

As I said, this is just my opinion.