To discourage my friend from getting a 'Manchester Bee' tattoo

[CircleofWillis]

My friend is from Manchester but moved to London 25 years ago. She wants to get a bee tattoo to show her support for the people affected by the awful tragedy and to give financial support to the appeal. She doesn't have any tattoos and has previously stated she doesn't like them. AIBU to want to talk her out of it as she may regret such a permanent statement in the future. Instead I want to suggest she think about just donating the money. I know it is her body and her choice but I feel she is being swept up in the emotion as some of her friends from home have posted their tattoos on FB. I don't have any tattoos myself but not because I have any dislike of them but I would hesitate myself before having a permanent reminder of such a sad event on my body.

Your friend is originally from Manchester so surely it's just a nod to her home city?

She's an adult and can do what she likes with her money and her body, leave her alone ffs!

Blimey HildaOg, when you go for showing yourself up as an arse, you really go for it, don't you? Performance grieving? Lovely!

OP, it's your friend's body and therefore her choice. You should feel free to say whatever, and she should feel equally free to completely ignore you and do as she pleases.

Mind your own beeswax OP.

You sound seriously condescending towards your friend.

even I was swept up in the idea of getting a bee tattoo, i am not from manchester and i dont like tattoos either. now it transpires i couldnt afford it.

Tattoos to remember this with? Good god I really feel old now - although also reassured to know that as an older person I am totally out of touch with the younger generation, which is as it should be. Performance grieving & hysteria on a hitherto unimagined scale.

I had been contemplating a bee tattoo for about 5 years. Now every Tom Dick and Ballsack has one there's no chance I am getting one.Also, not entirely sure that a permanent decision on skin shuld be taken when in shock/grief (and the city as a whole, does seem to be very shaken up)

There've been some really wonky crap ones uploaded onto FB too!

Performance grieving is perhaps appropriate for those who flung themselves sobbing on the bouquets for Diana, when her own children were dignified beyond belief.

Wanting something to reflect community and the spirit that has seen millions of pounds raised to help the victims - which the tattoos will contribute to - and countless offers of help, donations of food etc, blood - no. It's not an accurate or a fair description for that. You and your friend/sockpuppet Hilda should be ashamed of yourselves.

I understand the tattoos, vigils and flowers etc are of great comfort to the victims families.

Most people would just not partake if it's not their cup of tea. Anyone massively offended by them comes across as a snob.

People are taking such offense to my comments about performance grieving because they don't like their insincerity and attention seeking pointed out. It's still a fact. This is a tragedy for the victims and their loved ones, they can react any way they like. People trying to get involved in that to make it about themselves are extremely offensive and pathetic. Getting a tattoo because you're so desperate to be a part of a public grief performance is your legal but nobody is obliged to pretend it is anything else.

*Legal right

I know I am not her mother and have never acted as such. We are very close and have both helped each other through hardship and tragedy in the years we have known each other. I'm sorry if I've come across as patronising to her. I certainly don't feel that way. She is my closest confidant and I normally would be able to say anything to her. I am hesitating as I don't want her to think I think of her as silly or impulsive. Also I don't want to appear callous. She has given me heartfelt advice in the past (re wrong boyfriends, life choices etc). Don't you think that a real friend would mention their concerns but support any decisions without ever saying 'I told you so' if it came to it?

It's still a fact

You're one of those tiresome people who confuses "fact" and "opinion".

OP - I wouldn't try and discourage her but maybe mention to her "What a lovely thought, I do remember you saying you hate tattoos so are you sure"?

Funnily enough I had a tattoo on Saturday involving two bees that is nothing to do with Manchester. We did however chat about it and my artist donated a portion of the fee to the appeal in lieu of the actual Manchester bee tattoo.

I think only you know your friend. If she's the type to act on impulse and then regret things later, then I don't think it would be at all out of order to speak to her about it and check that she's really, really sure! Sometimes simply asking someone to sleep on it for a couple of weeks and then decide can really help. You're not saying 'Don't do it', you're just checking she's certain about it.

You sound like a great friend, and your attitude of 'I'll support her whatever she chooses' is perfect.

im a mancunian through and through and untill last week i knew nothing of the significance of the 'Bee ' to manchester untill last week your friend is an adult if she wants one why not shesold enought to make her own decisions.

That's it, Hilda. You're right and everyone else is wrong. That'll be it!

Yep😂

Tattoos to remember this with? Good god I really feel old now - although also reassured to know that as an older person I am totally out of touch with the younger generation, which is as it should be

Yeah - it absolutely isn't a new thing

Buzz off Hilda

Op even if she does regret it it's not going to affect you.
She's not forcing you to have one.

Would it be the end of the world if she got a tattoo and ended up regretting it?

Hilda does kind of have a point (IMO). The whole thing was a real tragedy. Saddening and sickening. Getting a tattoo in relation to it just because you're from the city where it happened is a bit weird, IMO.

Not to mention, a tattoo is a lifelong thing. It's a huge decision to get one based on something that happened just a week ago. ESPECIALLY if you have no other tattoos and this is your first and maybe only one.

Once again people are intentionally misunderstanding the thought behind these tattoos. They are not a reminder of the atrocity and murders of 22 people. They are a symbol of pride in our city at a time when it (and our way of life) has been attacked. Similar outpourings of city pride happened after 9/11 and the Boston bombings so it isn't some 'mawkish Manchester thing'. Can't help but think it's pure snobbery -either 'look at all the poor northern people showing their emotions' or about tattoos.

My local tattoo parlour has raised over £18k already for the fund - that money will help grieving families but also improve the lives of those who have to live with life changing injuries.

But obviously Hilda your ideas about grieving and showing support are much classier than that!

Would it be the end of the world if she got a tattoo and ended up regretting it?

True. OP, my advice would be to leave her to it, then you can use it as banter in a couple of years time. "Lol remember when you got a bee tattoo"

I am in close contact with some of the families and they are heartened by the bee tattoo thing, so you might want to get your facts straight, hilda

They don't see it as competitive grieving, they see it as suport and fundraising

I don't have one because I don't do tattoos but if I did I might.