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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour subtly complaining?

134 replies

BeetrootPie · 29/05/2017 22:29

My 4yo son accidentally threw a toy into next doors garden whilst playing with his brother who is 2 (almost 3) on their trampoline. Dh said he'd go round to ask got it back, I said to take DS so he can apologise etc. When they got back my Dh said how he'd spoken to the woman and he explained that DS had accidentally thrown toy over when on the trampoline and said something like "yes, we can hear the trampoline" so Dh says "oh, is it bothering you" to which she replied "well we can hear it". Aibu to be upset/annoyed? We moved in only 6 months ago and the neighbours have clearly lived in their house so long time (old retired couple) so I feel awkward. Compared to where we used to live, it is wonderfully quiet... A big reason I wanted to move here. But my children make noise, they're 2 & 4 and They love playing out in our back garden on the slide, little play house, riding their bikes and bouncing on their trampoline. They don't go on it at unsociable hours-they have a pretty strict bedtime routine, so the latest they are out there is 5:30pm, in bed at 7:30. My youngest is a screamer (slow developer, possible autism) and will scream when both happy and sad but my 4yo is such a polite little boy and us very well behaved. Now I feel stressed about letting them play and I'm fretting over any noises they make.. Which is just crazy. It's an estate full of family homes! Aibu?

OP posts:

2ducks2ducklings · 29/05/2017 22:44

God they sound just like our old neighbours. Old, retired and their home and garden were immaculate. In we come, need to complete renovation on house and garden, two kids and a dog and they were not happy.
They would have been much happier with another old couple moving in than a young family and we had to endure 10 years of passive aggressive comments and me feeling like a coiled spring whenever we were outside and they happened to be in their garden.
I loved my house but in the end they made life just miserable so we moved.
Stand you ground. Always ignore these little comments. Your kids have every right to play in their own garden, especially at the times you have stated they're out there until.

redshoeblueshoe · 29/05/2017 22:45

I am an old person, and I really don't mind kids playing out. There are kids out all the time round here, I'm sure that's better for them than being on devices all the time.
I have worried sometimes if we are too noisy for our young neighbours, we have never heard a peep out of them

HundredMilesAnHour · 29/05/2017 22:53

Stand you ground. Always ignore these little comments

I don't agree with this. Everyone is entitled to "quiet enjoyment" of their home and screaming kids can be annoying, especially as a lot of parents seem to be so accustomed to the noise that they don't even realise how loud it is, let alone the impact on others. Obviously this is a very unpopular view on MN but that doesn't make it less true.

The fact you're concerned makes you sound like a good thoughtful, neighbour. If only more people were like you.

BusyBeez99 · 29/05/2017 22:53

We've moved into a house where the neighbours kids use a trampoline. The noise of the bouncing is awful. I can see why it affects them

(We have a child too so not old retired neighbours)

Original poster

BeetrootPie · 29/05/2017 23:03

Thanks for your replies. The day we moved in i explained to my boys that we have older neighbours now so we can't be as loud as at our old house (my previous neighbours were extremely loud). I definitely am not accustomed to the noise of my son... It can honestly drive me crackers at times, but he's 2 and we're really working on it. I think I'm a decent neighbour in that I won't hoover too early or too late (especially on a Sunday) and my boys aren't constantly on the trampoline. 2 ducks-i hear you. It's really got to me tbh, because I'm a thoughtful reasonable person who really doesn't want to bother anyone, i just want my boys to be able to enjoy their garden.

OP posts:

Witchend · 29/05/2017 23:03

So basically you wanted them to say "no it doesn't bother us at all" regardless of whether it does or not.

If you weren't prepared to be told it bothers them then don't ask the question. Don't ask and get huffy at the response.

Tapandgo · 29/05/2017 23:10

Hundred - how true.
I know of youngish grandparents who have their grandchildren to childmind during the day. One of the kids is a screamer and cryer - they let her yell endlessly outside instead of taking her indoors, or let her yell inside with the patio doors wide open. ( and no, there is no special needs). Grandad says he goes to work for peace and quiet! Nobody in the vicinity gets 'quiet enjoyment' of their garden.

OP - maybe oil the trampoline springs?

LadyLoveYourWhat · 29/05/2017 23:16

I apologised to my (lovely) retired neighbours once when we'd had some of the kids' friends round and they'd been a bit raucous - their response was that it was lovely to hear them playing, took them back to when their three were young.

If you're going to stay in a neighbourhood of family houses, then it's only reasonable to expect family noises. If you live next to a farm, you can't complain about the cock crowing!

expatinscotland · 29/05/2017 23:16

Stop asking questions of them! Just carry on. They're not out late.

Ceto · 29/05/2017 23:19

FFS, all she said was that they could hear it. She didn't scream and rave at your husband, she didn't say anything about it until he actually asked her. It couldn't have been any milder. And yes, she's entitled not to enjoy the sounds of children bouncing and shouting and screaming for long periods of time. .

TheExuberant1 · 29/05/2017 23:21

Th sound of trampolines are annoying. Get some WD40 on the springs to help prevent squeaking.

limitedperiodonly · 29/05/2017 23:30

Compared to where we used to live, it is wonderfully quiet

Not any more since you moved in.

Yayne · 29/05/2017 23:32

they could have been more gracious.

Nothing you need to change from the sounds of it, but as a neighbour it can still be a bit annoying. I used to silently curse my luck - every time (ok, I AM exaggerating wildly here) I settled down for an afternoon snooze in the sun after working shifts, within 5 mins neighbours' adorable but noisy kids would start playing out in the garden. Now of course I've got my own very noisy ds who kicks the football over the fence at least once a week and retired neighbours wanting to relax in the garden. They never say anything but I bet they are thinking that life was more peaceful before we moved in

paxillin · 29/05/2017 23:38

My heart sinks if a neighbour buys a trampoline. Hate those things and the thud squeak thud squeak shriek shriek shriek they bring. I would never tell them that though, of course kids can play out, perfectly normal.

limitedperiodonly · 29/05/2017 23:40

How recently did you move in to your neighbourhood? Was it more recently than you registered with MN for this first post or later?

BuzzKillington · 29/05/2017 23:47

another kids on the trampoline thread?

Anyway...your neighbours aren't exactly complaining although it probably is a bit annoying. If your son is screaming a lot, I'd give the neighbours a break sometimes.

MistySparrow · 29/05/2017 23:51

So basically you wanted them to say "no it doesn't bother us at all" regardless of whether it does or not. Yes, she probably did. That's what our neighbours have constantly said and that's what I hope I'll say when I'm an old lady. It's stressful enough trying to keep young children quiet without being judged.

carjacker1985 · 29/05/2017 23:56

They're not exactly complaining, your DH asked if they could hear it and they answered. YABU to be upset/annoyed with them for answering a question.

blankface · 29/05/2017 23:56

Compared to where we used to live, it is wonderfully quiet... A big reason I wanted to move here

Everyone who already lived there probably enjoyed the quiet too, then you arrived

Is the trampoline near the neighbour's fence? In previous threads I've seen, neighbours are wondering why people with kids site trampolines in the place most likely to cause them problems from the banging noise, squeaking springs and from the noise of the kids yelling while they're bouncing and then gawping into next door's garden, which can feel like a real invasion of privacy.

If that's where yours is, could you move it or put it more centrally to lessen its impact on the older couple?

Yes, children should play outside and have fun, yours are only little yet so aren't out there half the night. Unless you're putting the toys as near to the elderly neighbours' fence as you can, I think you're doing as much as you can

user1471545174 · 30/05/2017 00:00

It's likely you won't say that as an old lady. By the time you're an old lady so much other shit will have happened you'll just want some peace, and it'll be even harder to get with even more people around you vying for your space.

Plus there will be unimaginable new noisy crap invented by then and even more selfish people who think incessant noise is part of their life-force and your wishes don't count for anything.

Floralnomad · 30/05/2017 00:09

I doubt , unless the are real heffalumps, that it's the noise of the bouncing on the trampoline as I shouldn't think 2 small kids would make the springs work that hard . It's more likely to be the screaming , and with that I sympathise with the neighbour . We have some neighbours at the back of our garden that have 2 children and every single communication by the girl in particular is screamed , it doesn't matter whether she's screaming she's injured or screaming that she wants an ice cream or even saying thank you it's all done by screaming . I've no objection to a certain level of noise in gardens but it would be nice just once to hear one of her parents telling her to talk in a normal voice . We have another neighbour with 2 similar aged children and the decibel level is nowhere near as high and they are actually closer to my garden . I would be active in telling your child to keep the noise down so that at least the neighbours can hear you trying ( that's all I want) and in future don't ask questions that you don't want the answer to .

clickityclackpack · 30/05/2017 00:25

We had worse a few days ago. DS(5) had his first play date with a friend from school. DS has autism and I was a bit desperate for it to go well for him. Friend got hold of our hose and merrily sprayed it over the fence onto our sunbathing neighbor and her washing! I almost died. Worse still the friend wouldn't stop! I had to disconnect the hose. Neighbor wasn't best pleased!

Slimthistime · 30/05/2017 00:29

You say you moved there because of the wonderful quiet
Then you got a trampoline
Um, what?!

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/05/2017 00:39

"Quiet enjoyment" in the legal sense does not refer to noise. People's right to "quiet enjoyment" is not an obligation on others to be quiet, but to refrain from stopping people from lawfully using their own property as they please. So quiet enjoyment in this case would protect the OP's "right" to have a trampoline and use it.

However, having a right to do something isn't the same as it being a good idea all the time. If you are off it by 5:30 everyday you're already compromising quite heavily. I would do all you can to minimise the noise (placement, decent springs, padding in the right places, well leveled and secured, looking after it etc.) while still using it the way your children need to to enjoy it properly.

limitedperiodonly · 30/05/2017 00:58

I'm a middle aged lady who works shifts. Shall I bounce on a trampoline in my garden when I get home?

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