Neighbour subtly complaining?

[BeetrootPie]

My 4yo son accidentally threw a toy into next doors garden whilst playing with his brother who is 2 (almost 3) on their trampoline. Dh said he'd go round to ask got it back, I said to take DS so he can apologise etc. When they got back my Dh said how he'd spoken to the woman and he explained that DS had accidentally thrown toy over when on the trampoline and said something like "yes, we can hear the trampoline" so Dh says "oh, is it bothering you" to which she replied "well we can hear it". Aibu to be upset/annoyed? We moved in only 6 months ago and the neighbours have clearly lived in their house so long time (old retired couple) so I feel awkward. Compared to where we used to live, it is wonderfully quiet... A big reason I wanted to move here. But my children make noise, they're 2 & 4 and They love playing out in our back garden on the slide, little play house, riding their bikes and bouncing on their trampoline. They don't go on it at unsociable hours-they have a pretty strict bedtime routine, so the latest they are out there is 5:30pm, in bed at 7:30. My youngest is a screamer (slow developer, possible autism) and will scream when both happy and sad but my 4yo is such a polite little boy and us very well behaved. Now I feel stressed about letting them play and I'm fretting over any noises they make.. Which is just crazy. It's an estate full of family homes! Aibu?

Take your child in when he screams. I'm delighted to hear happy child playing noises in the local gardens but screaming really grates.

If you repeatedly intervene and do this it should help him to curtail the screaming so win win.

And your neighbour sounds quite nice. Make friends with her.

Can I just point out that the neighbour did not comment on my sons screaming. I didn't ask the question, my dh did... Because of the way she said "yes, we can hear the trampoline" and he asked if it bothered her, so she was able to freely say yes, but just said "Well, we can hear it". I'm not the sort of parent that let's my children run wild, they have very good manners and respect. My 4yo threw his toy and becausr he's 4 his aim isn't brilliant so over the fence it went. "stop the screaming".... If you want to come and show me how to do that, that would be great. Both my dh and I have been working extremely hard and patiently with our 2yo to work on the screaming. As his speech improves, he is getting better but only marginally. The trampoline is near their side of the fence and it was put there for a valid reason but I think I shall try moving it to help with any noise bother. I appreciate people want a bit of peace and quiet and I'm a completely reasonable person so I will keep with the restricted times and move the trampoline. I won't get rid of it. My children are children and I refuse to stop them playing completely.

My eldest desperately wants to befriend the male neighbour so I think I'll encourage that. I do openly explain to them not to be loud because of the neighbours etc, so the neighbours can see I'm not just leaving them running amok. My 4yo will listen to this. The 2yo is completely oblivious to this yet, unfortunately. I think it was a mixture of upset that she's bothered by it, but also upset that I'm bothering her, if that makes sense. I don't want to make any ones lives miserable. I want people to look fondly at my little bits, no think "of crap, it's those noisy sods".

*fondly at my little boys!

Trampolines make noise. So do lawnmowers, football's, kids playing, dogs etc. All expected noises in residential areas imo. Every other garden has a trampoline where we live. Even our elderly neighbours have one for their grandchildren. Your dh made the mistake of asking if it bothered them. If it does it's their problem. Unless it is squeaky in which case oiling the springs may help. Moving it to the other side of the garden will make no odds I don't think. We have pretty big gardens on our street and I can hear kids several houses away bouncing.

Beetroot unless I have missed a massive reveal later on in this thread, you are making an absolute mountain out of a non existent molehill.

Your neighbour HAS NOT complained. Just get on with your life and continue to be as considerate as possible.

Reported.

My sister has a neighbour that constantly complains about the noise from kids in their area. Except that they live in 4 bed houses on an estate built in the 60's specifically for families. He and his wife bought it new and stayed there and seem to be outraged that other empty nesters moved on and out, to be replaced by more young families. He really does seem to think it completely unacceptable to have children living there and that it should be full of people their age.

In the village where I used to work there was quite a fuss kicked up by the elderly neighbours of a family who moved in and had the audacity to use their outdoor swimming pool, in the summer, during the day! How dare they allow their children to use the pool, disturbing the neighbours peaceful gardening. The council told them to jog on, as did the police (yes really) and we assume so did any solicitor they approached after threatening a civil court case.

If you live in an area of family homes you are going to get families living there and that means a certain amount of noise.

You sound very nice. Your neighbours also sounds nice as she was very polite.
I am wondering if your trampoline is very close to their garden if your son was able to throw a toy over the fence and whether you could move if further away.
We have a springfree trampoline which I'm guessing is less noisy as no metal bits and bouncing area is soft mesh. But it is more expensive.
Although, I am also wondering if unfort the problem is your child screaming which sounds like you are struggling with at the moment and will hopefully get better. Maybe have a chat to them and explain the situation? Understanding always helps people feel better about things.

I am the middle of a terrace of three. I hear my neighbours, I hear them in the garden, I hear if they run upstairs, I hear them mowing the lawn and having work done on their houses, I hear a dog bark etc. As they will hear my ordinary everyday noises. However, yes, I hear them, and would say if asked, after all I am not hard of hearing. However, it doesn't bother me ( well, truth be told I'd prefer silence but I haven't got the funds for a rural detached home! )
I do think that the tone of how your neighbour spoke to your H would explain if she was being pa or whether she was just answering truthfully that she could hear the children on the trampoline ( although can't actually see what benefit there was to her answering as she did) It wasn't really worth saying was it?

Think you're massively over reacting op. Your neighbour sounds v nice, as do you.

Really don't get some posters upset at children playing, personally kids have trampoline next door and really cannot work out how noise from it could be annoying. Kids on road play football, again think there's nothing nicer than hearing kids playing

Compared to where we used to live, it is wonderfully quiet... A big reason I wanted to move here

It was until you moved in! You move to a "wonderfully quiet" area with a trampoline and a screaming child and then get upset that the neighbours aren't happy

You are massively BU!!!

Compared to where we used to live, it is wonderfully quiet... A big reason I wanted to move here
Well, it was, but then you moved and it's not quiet anymore but it doesn't bother you as long as it's your noise. Charming.

Your neighbour never complained, she just answered a question and you are now angry/upset because she did! That's where you are unreasonable!

I want people to look fondly at my little (boys), no think "of crap, it's those noisy sods"
Between a squeaky trampoline and a screamer, what do you expect? I have got kids and I wouldn't look fondly at yours.

I live in a family friendly area, and a neighbour has a screamer. First the kids spend much more time than in their garden, so no-one will be bothered because the noise is kept short, and more importantly she takes the child inside when he starts screaming.

I find your attitude so cheeky to expect people to suck it up and lie when yes, actually, they can hear your children, when the damn trampoline is near their fence! Unless you have a lot of land, if you can hear your children, so can your neighbours.

If you over-react when someone answers your question, how will you react the day someone complains! The sense of entitlement of some people is just unbelievable.

What was the neighbour meant to say? She has not complained; in conversation she mentioned she could hear the trampoline. Given the opportunity to complain by your DH asking if it bothered her she did not say it did. This looks to me like someone who is disturbed by the noise but has accepted it is part of life and not something she will complain about. You are reading too much into this, probably because you feel a little guilty that you chose to move somewhere blissfully quiet and spoil that quiet for your neighbours. If you feel that way do something about it but don't blame your impeccably behaved neighbours. This was not a subtle complaint it WAS NOT a complaint.

I am semi retired, immaculate garden. I love the sound of my neighbours kids playing. The ones two houses away over the back with the huge incessantly noisy trampoline who never tell their whining, screaming inconsiderate kids off and let them play out at any time morning and evening not so much.

God that sounds like my downstairs neighbour. Every subtle complaint is followed by 'but when I bought a downstairs flat I always fully expected to hear noise'

Well fuck off and stop mentioning hearing the kids getting up in the morning then.

If you buy an upstairs flat, you fully accepted you would have to be extra cautious about the noise to respect other people. It goes both ways.

"she said "yes, we can hear the trampoline" and he asked if it bothered her, so she was able to freely say yes, but just said "Well, we can hear it"."

Honestly OP, what are you on about? Would you have preferred it if she said "yes, it bothers us"?

Maybe she meant "It's slightly irritating, yes, but we aren't going to make a big fuss over it." But she didn't want to say that. She just answered the question and hoped that you could infer her meaning. Which is probably "we can hear the kids so we'd be grateful if you continue being mindful of us".

Just carry on. Sounds like you are thoughtful. Maybe if you run in to them, check and see if there are any particular times when they'd prefer quiet, and see if you can accommodate that.

Seems quite bizarre to me to want to move somewhere " wonderfully quiet " then expect neighbours not to mind about your children making lots of noise.

Yes codd but I'm not talking a ten ton elephant running. A rather slight 5 year old getting out of bed, and walking from their bedroom to the living room.

Sounds like they are gearing up to complain to you

You have a screamer and a trampoline.... and a good 3-4 months of playing outside weather ahead.

I feel for you

I can't believe you've moved to a quiet area, make a comment about your last 'noisy' neighbour's, then get annoyed that your poor neighbour has very politely suggested that your bloody irritating trampoline is a pain. Did it occur to you that the neighbour's have stayed because of the same peacefulness that attracted you? you come along and ruin that for them. I don't have a problem with kids playing, but a squeaky trampoline and screaming child would annoy me. Their heart probably sank when the toy came over as they don't know if that's going to be a regular thing. Move your trampoline, op.

I don't get why so many older people get all aresy about children playing making actual sounds, during the day, outside.
I don't mind hearing children at all, happy sounds are good with me, if it were crying upset all day I'd be frustrated but not at happy, and not if they are in at 5.30.
I work with dementia patients so most are pretty old. The noise level is pretty high as the day goes along. Yesterday someone came in with their noisy toddler, shouting, laughing, very happy. You should have seen their faces, every one of them lit up. Not a single word about noise. One cried after the baby left as she wanted to keep him. I think that after the dam kids making noise, faze we must move back into Aww kids being happy sound great faze.

I don't mind hearing children playing in gardens at all, laughing, shouting, the odd scream, it's all normal and fine.

But trampolines are the work of the devil so YABU just for having one. IMO they are only suitable if you live in a huge field where the constant squeaking and heads popping up won't drive anybody else nuts - it amazes me that people with teeny gardens think it's a good idea to squeeze in the biggest trampoline they can find, shove it up against a thin, flimsy fence and expect everybody to be happy . It is soooooooooooo antisocial.

Having said that, I have a big garden with hedges and still wouldn't have a trampoline. They're dangerous, because nobody ever sticks to the safety advice (I personally know two people who's DC have ended up in hospital from trampoline injuries - do you make sure your DC take turns on the trampoline and are never on at the same time OP ?), and they're also bloody ugly.

My advice would be to get rid of the trampoline and replace with a swing/climbing frame set. They can play for hours and it doesn't make a sound