Neighbour subtly complaining?

[BeetrootPie]

My 4yo son accidentally threw a toy into next doors garden whilst playing with his brother who is 2 (almost 3) on their trampoline. Dh said he'd go round to ask got it back, I said to take DS so he can apologise etc. When they got back my Dh said how he'd spoken to the woman and he explained that DS had accidentally thrown toy over when on the trampoline and said something like "yes, we can hear the trampoline" so Dh says "oh, is it bothering you" to which she replied "well we can hear it". Aibu to be upset/annoyed? We moved in only 6 months ago and the neighbours have clearly lived in their house so long time (old retired couple) so I feel awkward. Compared to where we used to live, it is wonderfully quiet... A big reason I wanted to move here. But my children make noise, they're 2 & 4 and They love playing out in our back garden on the slide, little play house, riding their bikes and bouncing on their trampoline. They don't go on it at unsociable hours-they have a pretty strict bedtime routine, so the latest they are out there is 5:30pm, in bed at 7:30. My youngest is a screamer (slow developer, possible autism) and will scream when both happy and sad but my 4yo is such a polite little boy and us very well behaved. Now I feel stressed about letting them play and I'm fretting over any noises they make.. Which is just crazy. It's an estate full of family homes! Aibu?

Meh I get so sick of hearing neighbours complain about kids 'making noise'. Kids make noise. Sometimes they cry or scream. Sometimes they shout. Sometimes they use trampolines.

Unless it's at anti social hours which it doesn't sound as tho it is let your children enjoy their garden. 'Quiet enjoyment' is a legal term used in the Housing Act to protect tenants from unreasonable behaviour by landlords. It doesn't mean Doris and Derek can demand complete silence from normal family noise in a suburban garden in a town or village.

If Doris and Derek cant accept normal family noise they should move to a house either in the middle of nowhere or a retirement community.

"...I definitely am not accustomed to the noise of my son... It can honestly drive me crackers at times, but he's 2 and we're really working on it"

Would that not imply (a) OP is only too aware of how much it can affect other people
and (b) "really working on it". Which naturally would involve taking him indoors/ giving him the strong message it's not acceptable.

Pretty sure that parents who already enforce an early garden curfew, a regular bedtime, and send 4 yr old next door to apologise for accidentally losing their toy over the fence (not to mention restrict their own hoovering to within socially approved times!) aren't going to be blasé and insensitive.

He's only 2. With additional challenges.

Sheesh, people.

The fact you picked that place to move to because it was (past tense) quiet makes no sense! Did you mean it was so quiet that you wanted to ruin it, like walking on fresh snow?

Can you bury the trampoline so they can still bounce, but the sound is muffled?

I don't think it's ok to let them make as much noise as they want, or scream for more than a few minutes. Screaming is a shrill, horrible, nerve-shredding sound that makes people jump.

I'm all for children enjoying gardens, but not at neighbours' expense. How would you feel if your neighbours used a noisy wood-shredder for hours every day, or had a dog that barked constantly?

Suntrapped if kids (usually visitors) visit my neighbours with DC and there's screaming then my cat (who's not a child lover!) runs away and hides from the noise...

However I've mentioned to the neighbours that he doesn't like screaming and he won't come near the kids in the gardens so at least they know! Mind you, when he's at turf wars with other cats he screams (the cat) and was known as 'The Yowler/Screamer'....

Difficult one really - you can see why they'd be annoyed - they were probably used to it being really quiet there before you moved in and now they have screaming/shouting and bouncing to get used to..

it's not your fault, children are children you can't expect them to tiptoe around BUT you can ask them to stop screaming - kids don't need to scream to play do they?!

At the back of my house there are children that are constantly in the garden playing which is lovely to hear BUT when they start the screaming contests it drives me absolutely batshit crazy!

There's no need for screaming. Teach your kid not to do it. That's your job.

Jeezzz....let them enjoy themselves. I would try and get them to stop screaming if that is at all possible but otherwise let them get on with it. They are children.

Im in a 1st floor flat and the young couple living below have complained twice this month, first time they have said something. 1 about our washing machine and 2. about the boys jumping. They literally did it a couple of times when they were dancing to music.

So I asked my neighbour if he wants me to cage them?

He has not complained since. Would try and minimise excessive shouting, screaming etc but would never ever restrict any child in playing.

Ridiculous people complain about things like this and I would totally ignore and carry on with your daily lives. There is nothing they can do btw in terms of officially complaining to the council, I have already looked into this.

Marilyn actually OP says her DS is almost 3 and a slow developer, screamer and possible autism.

Also, although kids should be allowed to play in the garden whenever and with whatever they like, surely if you're parents you can also take them out during the day too.

That's what both my neighbours do and the kids up and down the street, helps we have 2 nice parks, 1 with a playground and 2-3 and more larger parks a short drive away with playgrounds. In my nearest neighbours points of views they tell me they take them out to run around more rather than in the garden which although big isn't huge. And also more for them to do in the park.

Not being daft here but OF COURSE your neighbours can hear the trampoline and kids. I'm sure you didn't really expect otherwise?

Your neighbour hasn't complained. She was asked a direct question and she very politely tried to avoid saying it was disturbing her. The question here is do you think your children's noise is sometimes unreasonable and may be disturbing to others? When your children ARENT outside in the garden is it totally silent?

If the answer is yes, totally silent then perhaps you need to have a think about how best everyone (your family and others) can enjoy their gardens. If you are genuine worried go ask her! Seems like she'll be reasonable and you come to an understanding calmly and without heated emotion.

For me, I don't allow my children out before or after a certain time. If we have a lot of children over one day I'll ensure for the next few days no one else comes over. I won't allow shrieking. Too much noise and we move inside as I want to be considerate to others.

For me it's key a balance is found for everyone who lives near me - that means my kids get to be kids and make noise sometimes but others times they must learn to be quiet and allow others to relax peacefully. I figure one day I'll be old and prefer peace to loud noise!

Wondering if the people saying "Stop your children from screaming all the time" or saying that OP has deliberately chosen a quiet area to spoil (?!) have actually read the post....this child is 2, possibly autistic, screams occasionally, OP is working on that and the neighbours have not actually complained.

Your neighbour didn't complain. Your DH asked if the trampoline/noise was bothering them as they gave a subtle reply. The mistake was in asking if they were bothered. It's your DH you should be slightly annoyed by.

as long as they dont scream or shriek
my dm loves her garden and the neighbours children have a trampoline, they make such a noise screaming at all times of the day

tbh you dh shouldnt have asked.
but now you know perhaps you can just limit their time, particularly on sundays may be when you know your neighbours may be tryign to enjoy peace and quiet.

I think you probably got off lightly - your neighbours probably are bothered by the trampoline but were too polite to say "Yes". My neighbours have children and it does get noisy but I get annoyed by them kicking footballs into the fence or over it, and then demanding it back instantly, even if I am heading out somewhere.
Your kids are probably better brought up than my neighbours' kids.
Don't be annoyed by DH, he's probably kind and thoughtful.

Can you limit the trampolining time to, say, an hour a night? That seems like a reasonable compromise. And check that it's not squeaking or thumping unduly - because there can be issues that cause the noise to be far worse.

I don't understand this at all.
Your husband specifically asked them about the trampoline and they gave you an exceedingly mild answer.
Why all the annoyance on your part?

They haven't done anything.

You are not the Thought Police.

It's worth noting that it can cost up to £3000 for a trampoline pit - you have to consider landscaping and drainage for a start.

They didn't complain, they didn't end you a PA note, they didn't even raise the subject with you.
What they did do was find the toy for you, return it without complaint and only when your DH mentioned it acknowledged that, yes, they are aware you have a trampoline because they can hear it.

It sounds like you want them to pretend that the arrival of you, your DCs and your squeaky trampoline is the highlight of their otherwise sad and unfulfilled lives - instead of a minor blip in an otherwise peaceful life.

I have no idea why you are even considering being upset or annoyed, although you do seem to be keeping your options open.

Just ignore the comments and don't ask them in future if it bothers them.

Your kids are just playing, it sounds like you tell them to be a little quieter if they get very loud so there's nothing else you can do.

You sound like a reasonable person that shows consideration for your neighbours....just forget about it and carry on as you are.

dont ask them again but continue to be good neighbours.

take your boys out for days or part of the day and i am sure you will be fine.
dont go looking for trouble op.

SuperFly,

" Marilyn actually OP says her DS is almost 3 and a slow developer, screamer and possible autism."

Sorry...am bit confused: you're right he's chronologically nearly 3.
But I mentioned his additional challenges (i.e. being a "slow developer, possible Autism", thus developmentally younger than 3), as wouldn't they maybe play a part in what's behind his screaming?

(BTW, am most definitely not implying a lazy generalisation that all kids with an ASC (or any ND kid, for that matter) are screamers...just that OP has a different challenge than with curbing a NT 2/3 yr old's noise levels).

Hope that makes sense, and not offensive to anyone?
Truly my last intention.