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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour subtly complaining?

134 replies

BeetrootPie · 29/05/2017 22:29

My 4yo son accidentally threw a toy into next doors garden whilst playing with his brother who is 2 (almost 3) on their trampoline. Dh said he'd go round to ask got it back, I said to take DS so he can apologise etc. When they got back my Dh said how he'd spoken to the woman and he explained that DS had accidentally thrown toy over when on the trampoline and said something like "yes, we can hear the trampoline" so Dh says "oh, is it bothering you" to which she replied "well we can hear it". Aibu to be upset/annoyed? We moved in only 6 months ago and the neighbours have clearly lived in their house so long time (old retired couple) so I feel awkward. Compared to where we used to live, it is wonderfully quiet... A big reason I wanted to move here. But my children make noise, they're 2 & 4 and They love playing out in our back garden on the slide, little play house, riding their bikes and bouncing on their trampoline. They don't go on it at unsociable hours-they have a pretty strict bedtime routine, so the latest they are out there is 5:30pm, in bed at 7:30. My youngest is a screamer (slow developer, possible autism) and will scream when both happy and sad but my 4yo is such a polite little boy and us very well behaved. Now I feel stressed about letting them play and I'm fretting over any noises they make.. Which is just crazy. It's an estate full of family homes! Aibu?

OP posts:
PeaFaceMcgee · 30/05/2017 01:16

It's too close to the boundary isn't it, if a toy went over from the trampoline? Anywhere else it could go to give them a bit more peace? Children should play as quietly as possible in gardens. Not tiptoeing around but just considering the neighbours.

JayneAusten · 30/05/2017 01:32

Children should play as quietly as possible in gardens.

Bollocks to this, quite frankly! God almighty.

What utter nonsense. Children can play and enjoy their gardens and make child noises, and if others don't like it they can move far away to a house where they don't have neighbours. This is communal living and children are a valid and important part of society. Let them fucking play for fuck's sake!!!

PeaFaceMcgee · 30/05/2017 01:38

Children can play and enjoy their gardens and make child noises

Indeed, this describes normal sounds, but where possible, excessive noise (shouting and shrieking for hours, for example) should be discouraged in gardens with close neighbours. It's just basic courtesy.

Atenco · 30/05/2017 02:14

I'm an old'un and I've always loved the sound of children playing

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 30/05/2017 03:04

Attention all manufacturers of trampolines:

For the love of God, it appears you will save half of MN's neighbour aggro by showing some initiative and developing properly silent frame joints and springs.

WD40 does not solve all ills.

Your sales will quadruple. Think of those Christmas profits £££££

Shake a leg...

OP,

Sounds to me like you're being as considerate of your neighbours as possible in the circumstances, and doing a great job at teaching your DSs likewise Smile

It must be very challenging at times, and, precisely because you're a thoughtful neighbour, perhaps you're (understandably) likely to interpret a comment about any noise as their overall feeling towards your family in general?
Your neighbour did simply reply factually to your DH's question, so unless there are other reasons you've not posted, I don't see a need to assume that's the case.

Do you think asking them round for a cup of tea, and to get to know the boys a little, might be a possibility?
(Perhaps when your DH is also home, so that you're not single-handedly juggling DS2 as well as talking with them).

If they begin to see your boys as individuals, rather than 'kids next door', they may be more inclined to higher tolerance.
Plus a bit of insight into how you're doing your best to manage and minimise DS2's screaming.

Mentioning the 5.30pm end of garden play in a casual conversation would be useful, too.

Likewise, they'd get a chance to put their side.
They'd be on your territory, so I imagine less likely to get heated than during a more irritable conversation over the garden fence, on a stressed day! They also have every right to peace and quiet for reasonable amounts of time.
They may now live in an estate full of family-friendly homes, but if they've been there a long time, was that always the case?

Good luck Flowers

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 30/05/2017 03:13

^ PS, FWIW, I don't have children myself and love to hear kids enjoying themselves out in their gardens, running off their energy, immersing themselves in imaginative play to the extent they forget all around, shinning up trees, discovering the delights of sprinklers and slip-and-slide on a hot day...

Any of you are welcome to move in next door to me Wink

Paninotogo · 30/05/2017 03:35

She didn't actually complain though until your DH asked her. She would have probably just sucked it up, but perhaps thought your DH was sympathising and looking for solutions as you have a screamer. Tbh I think it is a bit much if your DS is screaming and throwing toys around, were you not supervising?

Tapandgo · 30/05/2017 08:32

OP
Your neighbours sound nice, sensitive and respectful and so do you. Not much to worry about in the years to come I'm sure.

OddBoots · 30/05/2017 08:41

You feel "upset/annoyed" because she didn't pretend that they can't hear the trampoline?

oldestmumaintheworld · 30/05/2017 08:44

I'll be honest - now that my children have grown up my heart would sink if a couple with tinies moved in next door. I'm old and boring and like peace and quiet. I'd also say that if one of them was screaming in the garden I'd wonder why the parents weren't putting a stop to it.

However, if the parents were nice (and you obviously are or you wouldn't be asking for advice) and explained that the child has difficulties which are being investigated I'd be much more sympathetic and probably offer to babysit to give them a rest. I think what makes neighbours cross is the sense that the parents don't care about anyone elses feelings apart from their children's. That puts people's backs up. Be honest with your neighbours and I'm sure that you'll find they understand.

llangennith · 30/05/2017 08:52

I'm 65 and the sound of children playing or bouncing doesn't bother me. As a (surprisingly) few other pp have said it's nice to hear children's exuberance. That said, constant shrieking would annoy me.

Children shriek if allowed to. When you tell your DC to quieten down or stop screaming make sure you do it in a quiet calm voice. Yelling at them to be quiet doesn't work. They'll just follow your shouty example.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 30/05/2017 08:53

A screaming child, a noisy trampoline and toys been thrown over and you expect them to embrace it? Of course they wont be fine with it, it's inconsiderate and rude.

Toysaurus · 30/05/2017 09:01

It's the screaming. That's the clue. My son has ASD and would absolutely lose his shit at this and tell you what he thought of it whilst storming over the fence. There was a couple of toddlers screaming in the queue for the theatre last week. Fucking killed my ears but the parents just smiled at them and didn't stop them.

If you want an honest answer stop the screaming.

A1Sharon · 30/05/2017 09:10

Thank goodness we have the kind of neighbours that tell us how wonderful it is to hear our kids playing outside. There haven't been children around here for years. They all love it! Another neighbour has told me she cannot get over how quiet my 3 boys are.Grin
I think you're doing your best OP, they won't be small forever.

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 30/05/2017 09:12

How many threads are there going to be about these bloody trampolines Grin

littletwofeet · 30/05/2017 09:15

It will be the screaming. I would take him in every time he screams.

Maybe explain to the neighbours that he has possible SN and that you are really working on the screaming.

There is no reason your DC can't enjoy their garden but if they are being loud/shouting/screaming, you will have to make them be quiet or bring them inside. The same way you wouldn't let them scream in a restaurant/cinema/theatre (you would take them out).

If you've been leaving him outside screaming then I can see why your neighbours would be annoyed.

BluePeppers · 30/05/2017 09:24

OP I feel for you as i have been n a similar position when the dcs were little. All the neighbours were retired and we were the only people with children around (just our little street, the rest of the estate is full of children!).

The reality is that yes its normal to be careful but on the others side, its also normal to have children playing in their garden and using a trampoline.
Please don't let that comment stop your dcs from enjoying the sun and be outside.

Re noise, surely any neighbourg will take into account the age of the child? So at 2yo and making some noise is quite normal? Screaming blue murder at the top of his lungs all day along isnt?

Fwiw, our next door neighbourg that I was really worried about annoying with my twin boys ahve repeatdily told me that its normal, boys make noise, a lot of noise (just like his own grandson).
So maybe the issue is also with your NDN.

Brogadoccio · 30/05/2017 09:26

If the only thing I heard from next door was a few trampoline springs squeaking I would be so pleased.

BewareOfDragons · 30/05/2017 09:38

Just do your best to nip the screaming, make sure the trampoline isn't right next to the fence, ignore the PA comments and let them play.

You moved into a family home with a garden. The couple next door might be older, but I'm sure that when their children were young their children played outside and made noise, too.

Children have a right to play in their gardens. Children should be playing in their gardens. No one has a right to silence during daytime hours. No one.

SuperFlyHigh · 30/05/2017 09:39

Why did your DH ask the question?!

Screamers are a nuisance.

I live next to 2 houses, 1 with 3 DC (9 months, 6, and 3) - they rarely scream and they have a trampoline! The parents take them out a lot, swimming classes, park, play dates etc. The other house has 2 girls and one is 6 the other 8 or 9. The little one screams but her mum doesn't like it and controls outside time.

You could explain why your youngest screams and what help you're getting but I'd reduce outside time or be firmer about his screaming.

EezerGoode · 30/05/2017 09:43

We've had families on both sides push trampolines with surrounds next to our fence.they have the neighbours kids over and bounce bounce bounce all fucking day ,looking in and trying to talk to us..or just watching us...weve a small garden so no escape...

Redpony1 · 30/05/2017 09:45

The repeated noise of a bouncing trampoline is fucking infuriating.
I don't blame the neighbour for subtly suggesting she is annoyed Sad

SootSprite · 30/05/2017 09:45

Why do you think it is acceptable for your child to keep screaming in the garden?

Aworldofmyown · 30/05/2017 09:45

As long as they are not out very early or late I wouldn't worry. Its your garden.

I do discourage screaming and anything too annoying though and will bring mine in if its getting a bit much.

ravenmum · 30/05/2017 09:59

She did only mention it when specifically asked, and even then didn't say anything actually negative. Compare that with my neighbours who shouted at the children rudely after my son accidentally kicked a ball against their fence once, and apologised for it himself...

This will sound cynical, but sometimes you have to make sure the neighbours hear you telling the kids to be quiet. I say this, as we had some problems with the dog barking at first, and the neighbour's main complaint was that I didn't shout at her to stop :S - I'd been trying to control her relatively quietly so as not to add to the noise. (Dog has since learnt not to bark!)