To wonder what you would think if your OH said that

[Poisongirl81]

Before being with you in his life he has had sex with men! A couple of times just for the sex. He's also had long term things with women and fancies me very much. Just don't know how to feel.

I don't fancy ginger men. Cardinal sin of MN I know. But I'm okay with that.

thestoic basically if you don't find someone attractive you've to have sex with them anyway incase you're deemed racist/sexist/homophobic.

basically if you don't find someone attractive you've to have sex with them anyway incase you're deemed racist/sexist/homophobic

Kind of seems that way.

But I assume that can't be what carjacker means, so I'm interested to know what else he/she thinks a woman could do.

What do you find unappealing about it? You're straight, you're not a gay man, that's not a matter of appealing or unappealing, that's your sexual orientation.

This thread is somewhat bonkers.

For the record - it is actually OK to find certain sex acts unappealing, even downright repellant.

I hope people, especially those maybe reading and not contributing, know this to be true.

This is OK.

TheStoic- stop writing off an entire race of men! It doesn't seem difficult? Nobody is suggesting she goes out and has sex with an Asian man immediately to even the odds.

TheStoic- stop writing off an entire race of men! It doesn't seem difficult?

Well apparently it is, because you can't seem to say what that actually means. Does that mean a woman should date someone she does not find attractive?

carjacker it doesn't appeal to me in the same way eating seafood doesn't, or having a pet cat, or when my dh shaves his beard, or working as a hairdresser or many other things.
I'm not sure you do know what unappealing means tbh.

I wouldn't go out with a dogger or someone who went to swingers clubs either.

The Victorian miss that I am.

It would be a dealbreaker for me. I find hetro men attractive, if my dh fancied men it would kill it for me, not very PC maybe, but that's how I feel. Preferring anal over vaginal sex seems disrespectful to women somehow, as if our 'equipment' isn't enough. Disclaimer, I don't do anal.

deadringer I find anal sex disrespectful too and couldn't quite word how up thread, you've done it perfectly. It is almost like saying your vagina isn't good enough as silly as that sounds.

So, I repeat, two experiences just for the hell of it between consenting adults - and this is a deal-breaker?

The thing about racism is a solution more at a societal level than about individuals' choice of partners through a more equal society that doesn't stereotype people of different ethnic backgrounds, is accepting of differences and is less divided. But then I've never understood the thing about having a "type", I just like individuals who may have a whole range of physical characteristics.

if i met dp and he told me he was bi / had had sex with other men I would add that to my factfinding (ie Tory/Doesn't put the seat down/Drives like a wanker) and work out if he was 'worth' keeping.

If DP told me now decades into a relationship that he had had sex with men before we were together I'd be really annoyed, particularly if he was anally fixated. I would feel he'd lied by omission. Ditto if he told me he was into swinging/ dogging etc.

Yes swinging and dogging would be dealbreakers for me too. I just wouldn't be into a man that wanted to do that kind of stuff. I want to be with a man who fancies women, particularly me, and will be satisfied with just me. I don't care what other people get up to, what they do or who they do it with. The op asked for opinions, not the party line on what we should all find acceptable. If she feels that his being bi makes him less manly surely she is entitled to that opinion. Thankfully we live in a society where women are free to choose not only who we have sex with but also who we find attractive.

But he does fancy women. Particularly her.

It's totally up to you whom you shag or not but this is just such a bizarre reason for binning a relationship. MN is full of women telling other women to put up with the most dreadful behaviour and now suddenly everyone comes over all 'how dreadful' about something that's really rather commonplace.

all the "if you aren't attracted to him anymore, then you're a homophobe" comments are really silly...

I know MANY gay people that would prefer their partners to be GAY and not bi.... what does that make them??

It is a sexual turnoff for many... really nothing to do with homophobia folks..

"I know MANY gay people that would prefer their partners to be GAY and not bi.... what does that make them??"

Ignorant.

@willyoujustbequiet
Exactly. The posts on this thread are quite ridiculous.

I wouldn't be happy if he told me now. We've been together for ten years so I'd be shocked if it just came up now and wonder why he lied. However, if I had known for the start I wouldn't be bothered. It's not nice to think of your other half having sex with anyone TBH.

My sex life isn't an exercise in equal opportunities.

Exactly, and it would definitely bother me too. I don't think I could get past it.

Wouldn't bother me! So long as he's safe and clean! In fact... dp is the same and it's quite the turn on 😳

This thread reveals Mumsnet at its most bigoted.

Which is very bigoted indeed.

Mumsnet should stand in the corner and think about what it's done.

So many people these days especially on MN are so terrified of not being "politically correct", that they say they'd be cool, with just about anything, for fear of being labelled homophobic/racist etc.

I would be fucking horrified if my DH revealed that he had previously had sex with men. Even if he had indulged in this, way before me, I wouldn't be able to get past it.

Doesn't make me homophobic in the slightest. I could not be attracted to any man who had any gay/bi tendencies, because I am attracted to straight Alpha male types. That is my right, as a totally straight woman.

And to all of you cool wives out there, let's say you had to find out tomorrow that your DH was having a full on sexual affair....I bet most of you would prefer he was shagging a woman, rather than a man.

You can reject a lover on any grounds you please. If that be due to sexual tendencies, that's ok. And in fact, you are allowed to not fancy certain races, without that making you racist (GASP). For eg. I don't fancy Chinese men. Does it mean I hate Chinese People? Of course not. I just don't find Chinese males attractive.

Will people please stop trying to make out, that if you don't find certain sexualities or looks appealing, then you must be "phobic". It's nonsense. Utter nonsense. Where do you draw the line? What if your DH reveals he likes fucking sheep. Best go along with it, lest you be laballed as a beastalityphobe? Tsst.