To wonder what you would think if your OH said that

[Poisongirl81]

Before being with you in his life he has had sex with men! A couple of times just for the sex. He's also had long term things with women and fancies me very much. Just don't know how to feel.

it's the same as people not being attracted to short/ginger/tall men

Oh my god no it itsnt. Having had a past sexual experience with a man does not a physical attribute make.

Jessica Eccles, I agree completely.

I am far less appalled by the people saying they wouldn't seek out a relationship with a bisexual than I am those who are openly stating they think gay men are less many.

beadoren it is the same to me, that's my whole point! Attraction is more than just physical attributes.

I don't understand why having had sex with a man is any different to having had sex with another woman? Unless its about your own feelings of inadequacy, that he might want something that you can't physically provide?

It's literally the same as saying, I don't fancy you any more because you once played the violin. A few times.

Unless you have issues with homosexuality

Oh come off it bead it's not the same and you know it. You carry on being the cool partner and the equal ops campaigner for shagging, I'm quite comfortable with my preferences.

I can think of quite a few sexual practices or scenarios that would be a huge turn off for me if I found out dh had participated before we met.

It's literally the same as saying, I don't fancy you any more because you once played the violin.

It literally isn't.

Like what?

I don't see how its any different. And stop saying "cool partner" as if its some kind of insult, it comes off as really twatty.

Livelong nope I won't stop saying things just because you tell me to. It's also rather twatty to imply someone's insecure because you don't agree with their sexual preferences but I didn't feel the need to pick you up on that because you're a grown up who can be as twatty as they like.

It was a genuine question, yours was just an insult. One would hope you could tell the difference.

You carry on being the cool partner

Can we please top this tired old cliché? It is NOT about being cool- some of us really actually don't mind.

And the only men I have met obsessed with anal sex have been straight men...

jessica I get the fact that some people genuinely wouldn't mind and that's fine but being told everybody should be ok with it because if we don't we are homophobic/discriminatory etc I disagree with and there is an element of look how cool and liberal I am there.

look how cool and liberal I am there

How do you know that? It may be hard to believe but some people just don't like homophobia and bigotry - genuinely. And let's face it- this thread has proved that an awful lot of people don't have problems expressing inappropriate views.

And I will never ever ever accept a man who has ex with other men is less 'manly'. Because that is just bigotry and will never be ok.

*I have no problem with gay men or women, I'm not disgusted by gay sex it just doesn't appeal to me. I have lots of family members and friends who are gay, I wouldn't have a problem with my children being gay.

It would just be a huge turn off for me if my dh had had a same sex relationship/sex.*

I think what you're saying is that most of the time you feel you're not homophobic, but if you're turned off on the basis that someone has had a same sex relationship this is discrimination based on someone's sexuality, so in this instance it is homophobia. You can make that choice, it's probably not really so much a conscious thing anyway I suspect, but acknowledge it for what it is. We all grow up with prejudices that become ingrained, it's the society we live in and also partly how our brain works in making quick decisions about things, but even if in most situations you do not think you are homophobic, in this instance you demonstrating homophobic attitudes.

Oops, bold fail!

I have no problem with gay men or women, I'm not disgusted by gay sex it just doesn't appeal to me. I have lots of family members and friends who are gay, I wouldn't have a problem with my children being gay. It would just be a huge turn off for me if my dh had had a same sex relationship/sex

So you're fine with gay people, with gay sex, you have gay friends and family etc. But you would have a very serious problem with your husband having had gay sex in the past? WHY? No-one has said why, just cos.

Is this really still going?

Why can't the penny drop for some posters that they don't get to control the sexual preferences of others?

Fling ignorant accusations of homophobia about all you want but it doesn't make you any less misogynist holding that view.

My vagina is mine.....let who the hell you like into yours

I'm not asking you to accept that jessica, a man is a man wether he has sex with men or women, I haven't disputed that.

It's not a far stretch to assume a poster has an agenda when they would rather imply there's something wrong with the woman or she must be homophobic because she finds the fact her dh is/ has been attracted to other men.

Sexual preference/attraction is individual and not something that's black and white.

The bottom line is every person man or woman has their own sexual preferences, turn offs/ons and they really shouldn't have to justify that.

Why can't the penny drop for some posters that they don't get to control the sexual preferences of others?

We're not talking about sexual preferences though, other than the fact that you think you can have a sexual preference for people who have not done other sexual things in their pasts.

I don't think you're understanding the question here?

summer nice post but not relevant to me, if you read my older post I described why it's a turn off for me.

livelong can't you see that people shouldn't have to justify their sexual preferences to you? And I have said why.

willyou is spot on, my vagina is exempt from equal opportunities, I decide who goes there and I don't need a rational or approved reason for that.

Why can't the penny drop for some posters that they don't get to control the sexual preferences of others?

No one is trying to control your sexual preferences, we're asking you to reflect on why it might be that you're not attracted to people who've had same sex relationships.

but it doesn't make you any less misogynist holding that view.

If a man didn't want to sleep with his wife because she'd slept with women in the past - would that make him a misogynist?

It's not the action- it's the reasons. And so far stated - they have been 'men who sleep with men are less manly/ gay sex is icky'. Now to me, that's homophobic.

No live long I don't think you are.

I don't want to sleep with a man who has slept with other men. That is my right and my preference.

If you try to restrict or control my freedom of consent in this area it's misogyny.

It's not difficult.

Summer

I don't need to reflect on it. It is what it is. You may as well ask gays why they are gay or straight why they are straight. It's what they are attracted or not attracted to.

I'm not attracted to men who have sex with other men. All there is to it.

jessica you don't get to police people's reasons, sexual attraction can't truly be reasoned anyway.

Also not all the reasons given have been "gay sex is icky".

This was my original post but it seems you and a few others feel you should be allowed to judge our reasons as worthy or not

Sexual attraction is a huge part of our relationship, dh loves everything that is "womanly" about me and I couldn't reconcile that with the fact he finds/found a man sexually attractive.

I don't want to sleep with a man who has slept with other men. That is my right and my preference

Of course it is. No-one wants to restrict you. We're simply asking you WHY that is. You don't seem to know.