To wonder what you would think if your OH said that

[Poisongirl81]

Before being with you in his life he has had sex with men! A couple of times just for the sex. He's also had long term things with women and fancies me very much. Just don't know how to feel.

Lol. Whatever. If you think a man having had a sexual experience makes them less than a man, you're a sexist homophobe. No two ways about it.

Also I'm really not sure why the issue of consent is even being brought into this. Nobody is saying bisexual (or Asian or ginger or whatever) should be given a human right to shag whoever they want regardless of whether that person is atttacted to them. Nobody is saying you have to have sex with bisexual people or you're a homophobe.

What I'm saying is that if discovering your partner had sex with a man makes you think he is less than a man because of this and therefore no longer attracted to you- that decision is based on a homophobic and sexist attitude.

Also, OP hasn't met her oh as a "bisexual male" there was a preexistig sexual relationship. So it doesn't hold that we her OH just 'isn't her type' because he was. And now he isn't because the though of him having anal sex disgusts her.

TWO SHAGS. I repeat, TWO.

I'm bloody glad my own sexual past isn't raked over in that kind of forensic degree...

Also, I would further draw on the parallel that a previous poster drew between being bisexual and being of any other minority.

How would it sound of people were describing having sex with a black man as 'icky' or 'grotesque'. Not finding specific attributes attractive is not the same as finding them repugnant. The fact that people feel free to use this type of language in relation to a sexual partner speaks of a wider disgust.

Also. How would we feel if this was a post from a woman whose husband had said he could no longer stomach sex with her because he discovered she hadn't been a virgin before a wedding. That he only liked to have sex with pure virgins and any previous sexual contact made her less than a woman, a slut even. How would we feel about that decisions based on previous sexual encounters?

My betting is not the same.

Well said Stitch

It starts and ends with consent. Some replies are so ignorant. Misogynists.

I'm interested in why people think it's misogynistic to point out that some people on this thread are expressing homophobic views.

This thread reminds me of that knob head Riley from everyday feminism who thinks women that won't have sex with women with penises are transphobic bigots.

My vagina is not an equal opportunities zone.

interested in why people think it's misogynistic to point out that some people on this thread are expressing homophobic view

Not fancying someone in a heterosexual way after you've started picturing them as homosexual is not something you can help. It's not protesting at a Pride parade. It's not trying to deny people marriage. It's not making homophobic comments. It's just literally thinking I no longer fancy you.

And as soon as you start asking women to question why they don't want to fuck someone you've moved in to misogyny

We are apparently forcing women to have sex with people whom they don't want to have sex with, by saying well there might be some questionable reasons behind that decision (or in my case, wtf, it was two shags).

If you decide you don't want to have sex with black people, that is your choice. But there would be some reasons for that decision that you might do well to question. Nobody's forcing you to consent to anything. Finding the idea of 'your man' 'balls-deep in another man' offputting is entirely your choice. It is not, I think, coercion or misogynist to say perhaps there are reasons underpinning that revulsion which might be questionable.

No, I don't think you have moved into misogyny by asking that question. I would ask a man who didn't want to fuck black women the same question.

Back in my far-off youth in the women's movement of the early 1980s, lots of us found ourselves being asked to question why we didn't want to go to bed with other women. And a number said "actually, because I've always been told I shouldn't"...and they fell in love with their friends and lived happily ever after. I don't think that original question was misogynist at all.

Maybe dark skin doesn't turn him on? Being attracted to someone is not done through choice.

I may seem racist here, but I could never see myself with a black person at one point: I don't know why I had nothing against them I'd crushed on a few black celebrities but having sex with someone who was dark just seemed odd.

Then I met a guy who I just really fancied (fuck knows why he's a right weirdo, but that's another thread) his skin colour wasn't an issue then obviously.

However I still have a preference I don't find myself racist for having a type. Same way I'm not homophobic because I don't want to have sex with a woman (not at this moment in time anyway as that would involve cheating). You cannot accuse someone of anything just because they don't fancy someone for a particular reason. It's not controlled and it's automatic.

Ask you gay male friends to talk about vaginas or what they think sex with a woman would be like. I've heard some outright awful stuff about disgusting they think it would be from my friends to me. It's only ever women who are meant to entertain this stuff we should always be up for a penis.

Google gold star lesbian and gold star or platinum gay. As long as you're not a woman turning down dick everyone else gets an opinion.

Oh this is an odd one........

Many moons ago my Bf told me he was 'Bi' from the start. Relationship ran it's course and we split. Have been in contact on social media the last few years, and he told me I was the only woman he had, or would ever be with. Upshot, he actually was gay, but he's feelings towards me overrode was was happening between my legs!

Couldn't cope with that now, i'd be wondering about every man he was with!

Also the point scoring and calling people homophobic, everyone in our society and that includes gay people will have some bias against homosexuality because our society frowns upon it. For the same reason women suffer from internalised misogyny and even young black girls will see a white doll and think she's prettier. Our society like white male straight people.

So we're all affected by our biases and we need to work past them but one of the times that is not the case is when you have to have sex with someone. Sorry. Nope. You fuck who you want to fuck. As long as you're not out there being an awful human what is the best scenario that can come out of this?

If you decide you don't want to have sex with black people, that is your choice. But there would be some reasons for that decision that you might do well to question.

I think this is spot on.

I think it's personal preference at the end of the day. As a black woman with a white husband I'm glad I'm free to make my own choices and be with whoever I wish. That said, I would find it distasteful to learn my husband had slept with another man.

Specifically can you tell me why it would be distasteful to you?

Preferring anal is nothing to do with homosexuality. For straight men it's the tightness and feel.of doing "wrong"
Most homosexual men have an pitcher or catcher preference therefore wanting anal is completely different to wanting bummed
IME straight men like a bit of both (finger, dildo) but don't fancy men.

Specifically can you tell me why it would be distasteful to you?

Why can't you just accept, that most heterosexual women, do not fancy the idea of their man having gay tendencies? Yes, it makes them less manly. Yes, it changes who they are, in our eyes.

What you seem to be saying here, is that ALL women must accept ALL penises in to their bed, without question. No matter where that penis may have been before (men/hookers/underage, the list is endless). And if any woman says otherwise, she is phobic/racist or whatever.

Actually, that's misogyny right there. You are saying that women don't have the right to be selective, without being phobic or having to explain themselves to people like you.

I DON'T WANT A HUSBAND WHO FANCIES MEN.
WHY ON EARTH, IS THAT SO FECKING HARD TO COMPREHEND?

AARGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't believe being gay or having gay sex makes a man less manly. What a stupid thing to say.

Specifically can you tell me why it would be distasteful to you?

Because that's the way I feel.

It would also feel distasteful to me, if I found out DH had slept with a prostitute.

Why? Because that's the way I feel.

It would feel distasteful to me to sleep with a 70 year old man. Why? Because that's the way I feel.

It would feel very distasteful to me to sleep with an 18 year old 'man' (boy). Or if DH had slept with an 18 year old girl/woman when he was 30+. Why? Because that's the way I feel.

Shall I go quiz my brother about why he'd find it repellant (never mind distasteful!) to have sex with a woman? I guess he'd probably say - because that's the way he feels.

I'm actually surprisingly fine with faceless randoms on this thread thinking I'm homophobic. Because that accusation means nothing to me when it comes from a place of trying to make me feel bad about my sexual preferences, and when I know the real truth of the matter.

And sorry, I don't think for a second being gay makes a man less manly (there are many things I do think make a man less manly - being gay doesn't come close).

Surely if you are in a long term relationship with someone who you currently find very sexually attractive, and they then tell you about a past sexual experience (consensual with no ethical concerns involved like for example infidelity) and your reaction is to say that they are no longer in any way attractive then you should reflect on your stereotypes first and foremost?

The man that you think is straight but discover is bisexual or has had sexual experiences with men is the same man. Their personality and body hasn't changed. Unless your sexual preference is for people who have slept with specific other people I really can't see what it has to do with sexual preference or identity.

Of course no one should have sex with anyone they aren't attracted to, but it's not unreasonable to reflect on why your previously very attractive lover is suddenly totally unacceptable. Do people really think about their current lover with previous partners, from times before they were themselves on the scene and that they do not know?

To me the reactions here seem to be mainly based on the prejudices that bisexual people are promiscuous or that gay sex is disgusting. And yes some gay people are also prejudiced against bisexual people, which is doubly crappy for the bisexual person really.