To formula feed baby despite OH's objections.

[Herbie22]

DD is 5 weeks old and exclusively breast fed. I am finding this tough because she is either on the boob or upset.
This is my first baby so I'm not sure what I am doing. I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her. I know that it's hard work a newborn but I can't even walk down the road to the shops without her screaming. I don't get to see anyone and it is making me sad and lonely.

I tried to speak to OH about this and he said that he doesn't want her on formula. He said that I am making enough milk because she is gaining weight. I don't think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.
I also wonder if she would sleep better if she was formula fed. I am up nearly all night feeding her at the moment which is another reason I think I'm not producing enough milk as she won't settle.
I don't want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I've lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding. It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can't even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I'm starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to Tesco, without a baby attached to him.
I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!

As a HV, want to send you the biggest hug. Something that leapt out at me which doesn't seem to have been mentioned (although admit haven't read all replies), is to discuss reflux with your HV or GP... babies shouldn't come off so upset, but if she's refluxing it could be causing pain/upset & with you feeding all through the day/night she's likely to still be having good wt gain/nappies.

If it is this, formula is likely to not help, but maybe ensure DH is involved in helping her stay upright/winded after feeds.

Also, if she's in a Moses basket/crib pop books under the head end of the legs to angle her up/reduce reflux in her sleep. As others have suggested, local breast feeding support is v worth engaging with for both professional and peer support (know even when a new mum/paeds nurse Is still be more likely to try things peers supported than professionals ).

Very best of luck to you xx

Can I ask how much your DH is doing around the house? Breastfeeding is a lot of work at that age and you and baby need to spend a lot of time doing nothing but cuddling and cluster feeding - if that's what you want. It is your body and you get final say on whether or not you continue. However, if he wants to support successful breastfeeding then he needs to be picking up a lot of the slack in housework and cooking. That comment about 'Mummy not liking you' is not funny or silly. It's cruel and nasty. He needs to stop that crap immediately.

i wanted to breastfeed but my milk never came in, we tried and tried (had 4 days in hospital after emergency section) and my girl got sleepier and sleepier until she wouldn't latch on at all. The midwives eventually suggested a bottle when jaundice set in.
They told me should only take 15-20ml max. She took 60ml on day 4 and was fine after that! I pumped but my milk never came in.
I was devastated and cried about it for weeks.
But now she's 4 months old, 15lbs, happy, giggly, I started weaning this week (health visitor actually suggested it though I know they normally say 6 months) she's strong and healthy, and I'm so proud.
I know now that I should do what I feel is right (I knew it was right to feed my baby bottles rather than let her starve on me) and I should trust in how I feel.
Think about what YOU think is best for baby, and speak to your health visitor, mine was amazing!
If I was in your position I would top up with bottles. My friend has a boy 5.5 months. He was breast fed until 4 months and wanted to feed every 2 hours. She switched him to bottles and she thinks he is taking more because he now goes 3-5 hours.
My girl has one bottle every four hours, that's her choice, we watch for feeding cues and she gets it when she wants it, sometimes she goes longer but rarely shorter. And at four months she takes eight ounces! And has done for the last month! Not sure I could have made that in one go if my milk had come in!!
Have a chat with your health visitor and think about what you feel is right. Trust in yourself mama, and remember, there are millions of healthy people out there who were bottle fed xx

I tried to not put pressure on myself before having DD saying whatever worked best for her feeding wise is what I would do. She ended in NICU and nil by mouth for 3 days and I just couldn't get my supply established expressing. I felt so guilt having a sick baby and not being able to give her my own milk.

But....fed is best!

What is more important is her relationship with you, and if you are getting to the point that your mental health is suffering then pick up a bottle. You have given her the first of your milk. That is the most important and you have done more than many of us manage. You should be proud of that!

Do what is best for you and your LO. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or bad for making the best choice for YOU!

or she's passed back to me with "Mummy, DD is hungry now"

The man is a prince! I think I'd have thrown something at my dh if he said this to me when trying with No. 2 who was on me 24/7 and ruined my nipples (what he actually said to me was "this is the bravest thing I've seen you do - I couldn't do it")

Seriously OP. Do what suits you and your health and your relationship with your baby.

And it doesn't matter how much he is doing in the house or with the baby - he STILL doesn't get to decide whether you breastfeed or not. He does get to decide if he breastfeeds but since he can't ...

You need to start being way more confrontational with this passive aggressive man. I'm sure he has his good points but this behaviour isn't part of them. Call him out on it.

No boobs, no opinion on breastfeeding. Tell him to do one.

"Mummy doesn't like you anymore"?! Fuck that shit. Tell him to fuck off to a 24hr Tesco to buy formula and bottles and to feed his baby while you get some much needed sleep.

Do not let him bully you. Formula won't hurt her, but lack of sleep/socialisation/life will definitely take its toll on you.

My DS was mix fed from day 3. I think that allowed us to continue bf til 5 months instead of giving up after a week or so as I likely would've done.

Next time round I'm hoping bf will go better. But even if it goes amazingly, I fully intend to introduce a bottle of either formula or expressed milk once a day so I can get a break and baby is used to the bottle.

Oh forget what anyone else thinks, including your husband. Unfortunately for him, he gets an opinion but it's not his decision.

This is your body and your mental wellbeing. And that affects your baby.

People will tell you the baby is supposed to glued to you 24/7. That it is supposed to be hard work at first and you just have to ride it out. Well yes, life with a newborn is often like that, but you don't have to breast feed anymore if you don't want to or feel it is affecting you negatively.

People will ramble on about the wonders of breast milk and say that formula won't help. Ok it doesn't guarantee sleep, but it bloody well will help when someone else can feed the baby at night or give you a couple of hours peace sometimes.

If your baby is steadily gaining weight and having regular wet nappies then you will be producing plenty, but if you are done with BF that's fine. If you are happy to supplement with formula and potentially wind up stopping breast feeding, and you are fine with that happening, then go for it.

You sound exhausted, you must do what's right for you as well as the baby. An unhappy, exhausted mum is no good for anyone.

Breastfeeding is amazing if it's working for all
Supplementing with formula is not failing or giving up
Your DH is being a bit of a dick as he's not using his own nipples but is happy to dictate what happens with yours
I would tell him to back off as he has no say and if you've managed 5 weeks you've done an amazing job anyway
Honestly there are so many opinions when you're a new mum and most make u feel bad
Pls just focus on happy mum happy baby and do your own thing and ignore the judgement
Good luck xx

I have been giving one bottle a day (before bed) since the first week, the rest of the time baby is breastfed. Baby is now 6 months old.

Giving one bottle has made not a bit of difference to my supply, it hasn't made me give up breastfeeding (in fact, it's allowed me to continue this long), DC's nappies are still exactly like other breastfed babies' nappies, Immunity is great (no colds or anything yet), no nipple confusion, etc etc.

It's been really good for us. It's been great having DH do that one feed a day, means I can head to bed a bit earlier and get a few hours sleep. DH loves doing it. I know DC has a full tummy. Means that if I am stuck somewhere for some reason, I know DC can take bottles and won't starve (godsend when I ended up in hospital one night).

All in all, it's been the perfect solution for us.

My baby is now 15 weeks it was exactly the same . I switched to formula at 6 weeks because I'd had breast surgery on one breast I couldn't make enough milk.hes the most settled he's ever been. My other ds was breast fed till 10 months do I've done both. But I enjoy having a hot meal and a very content baby.
It's your body op do what you want to do

Haven't read the full thread, but just to say I mixed fed DS for a year, and then continued with bedtime breast feeds up until nearly 2 years.
In my case there is NO WAY I would have carried on BGing even a quarter of that time if I couldn't have paced it out with formula feeds. Gave DP a chance to get involved, made things so much more flexible, and gave my long-suffering boobs a bit of respite!

Also, my DS had tongue tie, which is part of what made things tough for us - have you had this checked with your DD?

Like others have said, it's all totally normal, which is not to say it isn't horrendously hard. It is.

You have to feed her bm so ultimately if is always your decision not your partners. A supportive husband would t want to see you so exhausted you can't cope.

That said, if you do decide to keep going it will get much much better. That has to be your choice not his his though.

I had this very problem. My first ds always wanted to feed. It was probably hourly for the first 7 months. Couldn't put him down at all at night as he would just scream. At 5 weeks, I was so strung out and tired - sent my husband to the shops for formula at midnight. And from then on he got one bottle of formula at 9 pm ish. It was pure heaven! He started to sleep for longer and then longer and then he was sleeping for about 2 hours at a time. Surprisingly now, he is 2 and sleeps great. Weaned onto full formula at 7 months. Don't regret for a second. Was worried dd would be the same but she isn't. She will go 3-4 hours between feeds, feeds efficiently and sleeps well. Very strange.

It also affected me ability to bond with baby as was so tired and miserable. Have enjoyed it much more the second time round.

Sorry, just seen you've already had the tongue tie checked - did they pop their fingers in DD's mouth though, rather than just watching her latch?
DS's tongue tie was missed by:

-every HCP who saw him during a 5 day hospital stay

• my midwife during post natal checks
• a breast feeding support worker
• my GP, twice
• my HV, multiple times at weekly weigh-ins during the first 2 months

Before finally getting diagnosed by another BF supporter. She was the only one who stuck her finger in DS's mouth in all that time of being checked for his low weight and poor latch. I could have cried...

I had the same with my DS, OP - except he wasn't gaining weight (so there might be a significant difference, I don't know). It took a friend to tell me to just stop feeling guilty and go out and buy some formula, for fuckssakes. So we did, and DS had a bottle, and slept for 9 hours. Prior to that, I was only getting 20 minutes at a time, and I was close to losing my marbles.

Your OH is being horribly cruel. His 'joke' is anything but. It is passive aggressive in the extreme and I'd be telling him to shut the fuck up.

YANBU it is your choice.

just an afterthought - on the other hand if you have convinced DH of how vital breastfeeding is to baby's well-being and development before now. If you have made a big deal of it do not be surprised if he sees it as you choosing not to do something you both see as vital for the baby and is a bit disappointed. In that case he would not be entirely BU.

You sound exhausted, OP. The decision to breastfeed is entirely up to you, they're your breasts.

I switched to formula with my DS after a few weeks because I was really struggling. People kept telling me it would get easier in a few weeks but that may as well have been a million years. It was what I needed at the time, as I just wasn't coping, but I had hideous irrational guilt and felt very down about ending breastfeeding for months. He was a hideous sleeper whether on breast milk or formula! My DH saw his role as equal to mine so all feeds, washing, sterilising, etc were shared, and I don't think switching to formula would have helped if it wasn't for this.

I was determined to breastfeed my DD, and persevered and it did get easier after two months. I have preferred it to bottle feeding, because the night feeds are so much easier. If you can crack feeding lying down and co-sleep you barely have to wake up! I also learned how to feed in a sling so I could go out and about and feed her on the go. I have to say it though, I have never found breastfeeding to be the magical bonding experience I expected, it's just very mundane but convenient.

It's a hard decision and there are pros and cons each way. I hope you come to a decision that suits you.

OP I don't think there is a problem from your baby's point of view. She just wants you all the time and wants the comfort of feeding all the time. My 11 year old was like this.

Unfortunately some babies are just like this - known as a Velcro baby!

If you are to be feeding 24/7 then your OH should be going to Tesco/making all food/doing all chores and holding baby so you can sleep.

To eat, I would sit at table with baby latched and put a piece of kitchen roll or a tea towel over baby's body and ear so no food got dropped on them. Then I just eat with them latched. Get all the food cut up first so you can just eat with one hand.

However if you wish to FF that's also your choice. It might solve your problem or it might not. But what will definitely solve you problem is time. In time your baby will become a walking toddler and won't be velcroed to you!

If baby is putting on weight you're making enough milk...BF babies put on weight at a slower, and healthier, rate. Personally I strongly believe BF is best for a child and formula is rubbish and helping to fuel the obesity crisis. I also think BF is one of the things worth persevering with because it's so good for your child...we seemed to have stopped believing we should make sacrifices for our children which is a sad reflection on modern society.

But, that's just my belief... it's your body and your child.

Ffs....nice to see the usual measured posts on here from those with NO agenda at all formula is rubbish...cop yourself on