To formula feed baby despite OH's objections.

[Herbie22]

DD is 5 weeks old and exclusively breast fed. I am finding this tough because she is either on the boob or upset.
This is my first baby so I'm not sure what I am doing. I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her. I know that it's hard work a newborn but I can't even walk down the road to the shops without her screaming. I don't get to see anyone and it is making me sad and lonely.

I tried to speak to OH about this and he said that he doesn't want her on formula. He said that I am making enough milk because she is gaining weight. I don't think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.
I also wonder if she would sleep better if she was formula fed. I am up nearly all night feeding her at the moment which is another reason I think I'm not producing enough milk as she won't settle.
I don't want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I've lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding. It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can't even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I'm starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to Tesco, without a baby attached to him.
I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!

Personally I strongly believe BF is best for a child and formula is rubbish and helping to fuel the obesity crisis. I also think BF is one of the things worth persevering with because it's so good for your child...we seemed to have stopped believing we should make sacrifices for our children which is a sad reflection on modern society.

Oh fuck off. Seriously, take your sanctimonious opinion and fuck off.

Don't come here making an exhausted mother feel guilty.

Well your belief reads as guilt tripping bollocks.

I agree that this sort of post is annoying, and insensitive towards someone who is clearly motivated to bf but struggling, but it's only one of a very few on this thread, luckily

This is perfectly normal for a 5 week old and ff may not resolve and she may not sleep any better. Give yourself time to adjust there is no rush to be anywhere else. Do you have a baby carrier?

Mustang

Yes, she may feed as much (neither of mine did, but i'm just one person)

But someone else may be able to feed her. The father who loves this baby sounds like a good candidate

I don't understand why people seem to have missed this vitally important piece of information.

She has not been successful at expressing

@QuinnPerkins - my best effort at breastfeeding was with ds3 - I mixed fed him for 12 weeks. I gave a bottle at his bedtime, and another for the last feed of the evening, and the rest was me. It really can work, and work for both mum and baby, and we are proof of that.

My mental health suffered, in part due to my struggles to breastfeed the dses. I blamed myself and have beaten myself up for years about it. I fail to see how carrying on struggling, and getting more and more depressed, would have helped my dses.

Not to mention the fact that, despite feeding ALL the time he was awake, ds2 lost 10oz from his birthweight, and was nowhere near regaining it at 6 weeks old - hence the hospital staff labelling him as Failing To Thrive. He didn't start to gain weight until I started topping him up with formula. Sadly topping him up after every feed (as the medical staff were insisting I do), killed my supply, and spelled the end of breastfeeding very quickly.

With ds3, I made the choice to mixed-feed from early on, and doing it the way I did - the two bottles, early and late evening, worked, and allowed me to carry on breastfeeding him twice as long as I'd managed with either of his brothers. I did try to cut down on the bottles, but unless he was having two bottles of formula a day, he did not gain weight.

Back then, there was a lot less information readily available - it was before the days of the internet, so I was reliant on the local NCT and my health care professionals for advice. I firmly believe they did their best, with the information available, and I am not criticising them one bit. But I do wonder whether there were things I could have done or taken to improve my supply. I tried pumping with ds1, but after 10 days of pumping after each feed, I produced exactly the same amount of milk as I had on day 1.

Something I try to remember when I am stressing over parenting choices...
"There are definitely wrong things to do e.g. Putting the baby in the shed probably falls in this category. But there are literally hundreds of ways of doing it right. Formula feeding absolutely falls into this category."

💐💐

I'm just saying that ff may not be the magic answer. I ebf the first 12 weeks were hell but I had a baby carrier which I'd put ds in which helped me feel like a got a bit of respite as he slept well in them and I could make myself a brew or go for a walk. Have you read any of the 4th trimester stuff it can be quite helpful and put your mind at rest that you are doing great!!

It is really really hard whatever you chose op.

He is now telling DD "Mummy said she doesn't like you anymore.

This is crap and you need to tell him bluntly just how hurtful it was to an exhausted new first time mother. Ask him simply how he would feel if you were telling DD he was a crap father who didn't love her because He doesn't like having DD by herself because she gets so upset when she's hungry.

I'd second recommendations for a BF counsellor from LLL or NCT or similar - HV/MW are not automatically BF experts with time to sit and help.

Also from my experience with a baby who never stopped feeding but was thriving and gaining weight was that half the time it wasn't hunger but comfort. Your DH should take her out the house when she is like this and find strategies to occupy her whilst you rest. A walk in a sling, bottle of water (was used when mine were little not sure what current wisdom says on this) or anything to give you an hour's break. Mine all did late night drives around the neighbourhood to put them to sleep at various times, sling had the same effect.

You have the final say on this - its you who is carrying the load. Your baby will do well whatever path you take regarding feeding but DH needs not to opt out every time she cries and for your own self assuredness some third party BF support may help.

Omg the more I read about your DH the more enraged I feel.
Mummy doesn't love you anymore
She's hungry
No formula allowed

What a fucking tool.... no wonder you're resentful and desperately unhappy.

I've pmd you OP

Your body so your decision.

He isn't the one who is awake round the clock.

Xx

Yeah the expressing is getting a bit cheque cancelly.

As for formula not being the magic answer, no, not necessarily, but what it will do is allow someone else to feed the baby. That's what OP is finding problematic and, given that she has difficulty expressing which is perfectly normal since pumps are not babies, it would appear to be the only way OP has to achieve this. There is no other way the feeding load is going to be shared. Unless she wants to spend £££ on donor milk from the internet and/or has a helpfully oversupplying friend nearby.

You poor thing - this stage in a baby's life is physically and mentally exhausting and you don't need any more pressure on you!

My first DC would not take a bottle at all - I fed on demand as was the advice and I was utterly utterly shattered and unable to leave his side for more than a couple of hours for months on end. It really drained me and I did get resentful and jealous of how DH could easily have time alone.

So...having learned from that....with DCs 2 & 3 I decided to mix feed from the word go. Every night I would pump at 9pm and then go to bed. Then DH would give the baby a bottle of formula at 10pm. It meant that I kept up my supply but I also got more sleep.

Breastfeeding is important, but I do think that being happy is more important to your baby's development.

My DP was like that. Not anymore though. I do combination feeding ever since my milk was late coming and my baby ended up at NICU with severe dehydration at 4 days old which had DP reach for formula quicker than you could say "breast is best". He's a fan now. I appreciate you did not have such a shock to get your childish DH on side. Ultimately they want best for the baby and as they often can't contribute the way mother does they try to control what they can often at our expense. It's silly, disheartening and very irritating but such is life. I found my DP was always listening very intently to the MW over listening to me. Until he was shown MWs actually caused the problem he was unwilling to see my side. It took NICU nurses to get him to switch. Get your HV or a BF consultant in who will be on your side and get him in the room at the same time. He needs to hear it from somebody else. Sad I know.
I still BF and love it but she gets formula top ups and it allows DP to feed her which he loves too and grandparents can feed also. I get to go out and sleep in on weekend. DD is a happy sunny baby who still latches on beautifully and loves the boob but will have the bottle also
I think there is a place for formula in situations where mother is unable to provide sufficient supply or the supply as it is impacts severely on her quality of life like in your case.
My baby gets the benefit of boob (and it's great for me when out and about and I can just feed her with minimum faff) but also has her tummy full and sleeps well and is content when boob isn't doing it for her. Best of both worlds for her. Don't feel bad or guilty. Just choose the most effective way to get your DH to see it.

It's not surprising though he doesn't like to mind the baby on his own because he doesn't have the milk to make her happy. That could be addressed with expressed milk or formula - this could be a nice way for him to bond further. My DP loves his weekend mornings with DD where he is able to keep her happy and content.

Sounds totally normal OP, these fears that the baby is not getting enough milk are unfounded the majority of the time, there just isn't enough prior warning from HCPs about cluster feeding. I spent the first few weeks permanently on the sofa or in bed with dd attached or cuddling, DP took over all housework and meal cooking for that time as dd only wanted to be held. Introducing formula may damage your supply, and it is a myth that babies sleep better on formula. Sometimes ff is necessary but that is far rarer than people imagine due to the very poor bf rates in this country skewing people's perception.

Your DP is being a total dick though. If he wants you to bf so much then he has to be doing everything else for the baby when these growth spurts mean your energy levels are lagging. He should do all nappy changes and playtime when he is home from work, to give you a break. He should be waiting on you hand and foot as you are doing for his child, bringing you drinks and cooking your meals and putting dirty baby clothes in the wash.

Breastfeeding is a huge commitment and it isn't easy at first, but once the 4th trimester is over it is SO much easier than faffing with sterilising and bottles when you are out. I spent the first two weeks hand expressing and syringe feeding every 2 hours and dd latch was painful for a while after but persevering was so worth it. At the end of the day the difficult first few weeks of little sleep and sore boobs are only a tiny portion of your life in the scheme of things, it won't be forever and by bf you are doing the best for your baby.

A sling would be a good idea for going out and about and also for getting things done around the house during the day. It was a failsafe for getting dd into a nice calm mood and going for a brisk walk usually sent her to sleep. Expressing milk when you can and freezing will give you a break as you can get DP to bottle or cup feed at the drop of a hat and take some time for yourself. It sounds as if you are feeling quite overwhelmed and your DP isn't doing all he should be to support you or giving you time to yourself. It is totally possible and necessary for you to be able to relax without the baby, even if only for half an hour, and breastfeed. It just requires a non useless partner.

Apologies for not trawling through the whole 10 pages to check it hasn't already been covered - but could the baby have tongue tie? I hear it can sometimes be missed and I know it made the world of difference to a neighbour's baby when they got it sorted. Mum and baby much happier now.

If you want to switch to formula do it because it's your choice, not because you want DD to sleep. I have a friend who stopped BF on advice of a maternity nurse to help her child sleep. He's almost a year and a half old and still doesn't sleep through the night and had digestive problems, changing formulas every month to little avail. My exclusively BF child on the other hand has slept through since 8 months. Point being - sometimes this is not a feeding issue but rather that some babies have colic or unknown intolerances. Some babies are just sh*t sleepers too!

Thank you.
She has been checked for tongue tie.
I know her being FF won't make her an amazing sleeper, I just worry when she wakes up in the night it's because she is starving hungry

Oh herbie my bf baby didn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time at night until about 18 months, it's just whatever her natural sleeping pattern will be. Do you have a wee co-sleeper I had the Chicco one I found that helped us get a better sleep until about 12 weeks were I felt he was more robust and we then just coslept not that I'm recommending it before I get shot down in flames but it worked for us as we both got a better nights sleep.

I think you need to tell you husband firmly that all that dd is hungry rubbish has to stop,also he needs not to hand dd back to you as soon as she cries but talk to her,cuddle her as sometimes not hunger they just want something else but have no way of knowing what or how to tell you.Invest in a sling and get him to use it too.Is she smiling yet because that little bit of feedback helps during the tough times.
I remember when I was going through this stage,leaking milk like a drive but convinced my dd was starving because she wouldn't stop feeding it does pass but I am not you,do what keeps you sane and get you dh to help.

Tuck your tits back in.

Get some bottles and formula and hand dd to dh

Go out for lunch and have a large glass of wine and a big pudding

Catch a film or go for a swim/spa. Watch out for the milk leaking but I always found it best to stop BF rather than tail off and after the first 24 hours of leaking it goes.

Thry will cope and you need a break.

Be good for your dh too.

I just worry when she wakes up in the night it's because she is starving hungry

your husband sounds like an arse but babies wake in the night to feed whether they are bf or FF. it doesn't mean that you have low supply and that she is starving. nothing you have said suggests this.

Well, if he doesn't want baby FF then I suggest he grow some breasts, produce milk and start feeding her himself. Sorry but he sounds like an arse. It's important that you are looked after too and if it's becoming too much there is absolutely no shame in using formula!

I remember people telling me that formula was thicker and less easy to digest than breast milk, so formula fed babies felt full for longer - but this was 20+ years ago, when mine were babies, so that may well have been disproved in the meantime.

Herbie22 5 week olds have tiny tummies. It is normal for them to wake, not only for milk but also due to a full nappy, discomfort of room temperature, and many other things.

My worry for you is that the anxiety here isn't just about BF and that if you switch to FF and your baby doesn't become an angel
overnight you'll be stressing about the brand of formula next.

Do you have a good HV or someone you can talk to about typical newborn behavior?