To formula feed baby despite OH's objections.

[Herbie22]

DD is 5 weeks old and exclusively breast fed. I am finding this tough because she is either on the boob or upset.
This is my first baby so I'm not sure what I am doing. I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her. I know that it's hard work a newborn but I can't even walk down the road to the shops without her screaming. I don't get to see anyone and it is making me sad and lonely.

I tried to speak to OH about this and he said that he doesn't want her on formula. He said that I am making enough milk because she is gaining weight. I don't think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.
I also wonder if she would sleep better if she was formula fed. I am up nearly all night feeding her at the moment which is another reason I think I'm not producing enough milk as she won't settle.
I don't want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I've lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding. It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can't even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I'm starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to Tesco, without a baby attached to him.
I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!

Herbie you sound exhausted! Give her a bottle of formula this evening, actually get dh to give her it. One bottle will make no difference to supply etc and at least you can see if it makes a difference or not.

Have you seen the hv yet? If not I'd do so if I were you, just to check weight gain and rule out that it's anything else causing her distress. Maybe keep a record of feeding times and crying times, to show the hv, if you can.

Are you eating enough and getting as much rest as possible? My hv adviced that dd's dad do bath time and getting ready for bed and was quite firm when she told me that I should spend that time, not cleaning, washing etc, but sat down with my feet up with a cuppa and biscuits. Milk supply dips in the evening and that little bit of rest and calories really seemed to help me.

I am going to try and get a GP appointment for tomorrow and the HV is coming on Monday.

I know I am not eating enough, I am trying though but I can't eat if she is crying and find it difficult to eat while nursing.
I am going to try formula tonight. I will keep you updated.
Thanks again everyone. This support has been priceless.

OP. When I combo-fed, I would feed for fifteen to twenty minutes on each side until I felt the breast was drained (usually the baby popped off himself at that stage and no previous amount of "switch nursing" or whatever had any effect for me) and then offer the formula bottle. sometimes the baby took a tiny amount, sometimes several ounces. Either way, it would mean a decent length break until the next feed.

Best wishes, you sound under a lot of stress and a very caring parent.

Thank god you're giving formula a go. Fingers crossed it settles her for a while. Then see how you get on with the gp tomorrow.
For sure a baby that is crying all day long is either hungry or in pain.

oh this was me! DS wasn't gaining enough weight and was feeding ALL the time. I started to get very down and totally and utterly exhausted, and this led to PND.

Started formula feeding and things changed around magically. Much bigger gaps between feeds, happy, well fed baby, resumed good weight gain, started sleeping and more equal relationship with DH as he could feed DS and grow his own bond with him. One of the best parenting decisions I ever made. And it is YOUR decision.

The evidence for breastfeeding's benefits has also been massively overstated. Read this. It helped me a lot:

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

Your DD sounds so like mine! Mine is now a strapping 8 year old. I fed her to the point where my mental health suffered. I didn't know what babies where like and I thought it was normal that they cried 24/7 and couldn't be put down. I was on my knees and looking back all I remember is the crying.

I'm no expert but I think she could have silent reflux - DD was never diagnosed but has GORD and it makes perfect sense in hindsight. Get in some help. Lactation consultant. GP. Numerous HVs. I only did this with my younger child as by then I had more children confidence to keep pushing for support.

Good luck.

Have you looked into cow's milk protein allergy and/or silent reflux. My dd has both and she was a nightmare (until I gave up dairy and we got her on the right meds). X

Seriously, try formula and try and get some rest. See if it makes any difference. It isn't poison, and one feed won't reduce your supply, it's a perfectly adequate food for a baby despite what your husband thinks or what some twats on the internet might have you believe. It's absolutely fine.

That aside, I think you need to make an urgent appointment with a GP and ask for investigations into dairy/CMP allergy and silent reflux. Just to rule it out.

It might not be anything that, but I've had at least 6 friends/family with newborns suffering with one or both of these and they needed medicine and a special formula or breastfeeding mums to cut dairy out to resolve it. Baby screaming constantly, seemingly in pain, unsettled, not feeding properly/comfortably were all symptoms.

GPs are notoriously awkward with babies so if you go do be prepared and insist on a referral and some medicines to try in the mean time if they think there is any chance of it being something like this.

HV will probably be more helpful in terms of advice and support but you do probably need a GP for a referral and prescriptions if it came to that.

Hope you are getting some rest!

mixed fed two babies succesfully. (not at the same time)

as long as you feed some of the time, then supply can be built back up when things are easier.

ex tried to stop me formula feeding, I suspect I told him it was nothing to do with him as it was my body and I was going to decide... mind you he tried to be a controlling bastard.

Herbie how did the formula trial go tonight? Hopefully you got some sleep??

I thought rather than type out again or cut and paste a load of similar advice about reflux that I wrote on another thread I thought I'll just link you to this old thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2398021-AIBU-to-be-struggling-with-my-newborn

I posted advice under the same username and there is tons of advice from other mums who've survived colicky, refluxy and allergic babies. Hopefully it will be of some use to you.

Keep on keeping on

How's it going OP?

Hello all,
Saw the HV today and DD has not gained sufficient weight and needs five bottles of formula a day. I am very sad and feel like I have let my baby down. I also feel overwhelmed reading about making formulas. It seems such a tie that you can't make a days worth in one go
Thanks for all the support on here guys. It means a lot.

You actually can make a days worth - it's not quite as optimum but it's actually the recommended approach for nurseries and childcare settings. Make them fresh according to the guidelines then flash cool and pip in the back of the fridge for max 24 hours

My dh is a childminder and at one stage had two on bottles so I've done a fair amount of reading on it.

And you absolutely have not let your baby down, please don't think that.

Thank you Statisticly
So I could make 5 in the morning and pop them at the back of the fridge and warm them in my bottle warmer as I need them throughout the day?

Yes you can do it that way no problem so long as the initial batch is made up according to instructions.
And there is also pre made formula in cartons in case you find it all too much faff at the start or if you want something easy for out of home feeds.
Hope you and the baby thrive

Yes you can do that. Here's the childcare setting guidelines <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.who.int/foodsafety/publications/micro/PIF_Care_en.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwirh5TQ-KjUAhUOZVAKHR1cABsQFggdMAA&usg=AFQjCNHWXdWl5J9HY8-9UPs8Lp21DBx9Gw&sig2=CXxkDCyptCacS1slEXHpDA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">link

My dd was weird, she liked it straight from the fridge! Wouldn't touch warmed milk.

Thanks ladies. Been using premade but can't afford it for every meal I'll but it is a relief that I can make them up in the morning and keep them. Makes it seem less overwhelming.

Yes I know. Get your hubby to do all the sterilising too!

Wtaf. Pressure to breatfeed ruined the first couple of weeks with my baby. Do what is right for you (and therefore the baby) millions of babies are formula fed. Now in reception I wouldn't be able to tell you who was ff and who was bf! In the first world prob won't make any difference at all (except the cost of formula and hassle of sterilising equipment). Your OH can have an opinion when he grows boobs and starts breastfeeding

Haven't read all the posts, but I had a similar thing with my DH who wanted me to try to persevere with BFing when we had so many struggles and I just knew it would be better for us to switch to formula. I don't think he meant to, but he just added to the feelings of guilt I already had as I had wanted to BF for longer.

We did make the switch, and at the start I was expressing what I could and giving that in a bottle, along with some formula bottles. And he'd always ask, is that a bottle of expressed milk or formula? Did my head in! Then my supply just dried up as I wasn't expressing enough and we switched completely to formula. The first couple of weeks were hard as I felt so bad about it all, but once we got past that, i realised we were all so much happier and and DH was happy too, he soon forgot about the whole BFing thing.

If BFing works then that's great, but formula feeding is fine too. Probably one of the best decisions I made was to switch, and you'll soon get into a routine with making up bottles.

It seems such a tie that you can't make a days worth in one go
My Mum gave me bottles that were made up in the morning and given throughout the day and I did the same for my son.

I don't know why people are advised that this is not a good way of doing it any more.

I am very cynical but I wonder if the person who advised the NHS of this policy of making bottles up as you go rather than all at once, was a major shareholder in the Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep Machine.

In the first world prob won't make any difference at all
Exactly.

I am sure that in countries were hygiene is not as good as here then BF is far safer than FF.

In the UK , with electric kettles, steam sterilising and fridges I don't think that FF is unhygienic at all.

I've read all your posts, OP, but not all the replies.

It seems extremely likely to me that your DD has tongue tie. You say she was checked by a midwife and health visitor, but believe it or not, they are not trained to do a proper tongue tie assessment (God knows why). So many people are told by midwives that their babies don't have tongue tie when they actually do. I was one of them! You absolutely must see a lactation consultant and get them to do a tongue tie assessment. You can find a lactation consultation near you here. You could also go to a breastfeeding drop-in or clinic and see if there is a lactation consultant there who can do a tongue tie assessment.

Constant feeding is not normal as some people seem to think (from previous threads and skimming through this one). Newborns feed often but not constantly. My DS was feeding constantly and even putting on weight but he still had tongue tie.

Even if you decide to switch from breastfeeding to bottle feeding, it's still important to get the tongue tie diagnosed and fixed, because it can cause problems with bottle feeding too, as well as speech difficulties later in life.

Please please get your DD assessed properly.

Sorry do I make the bottles by her weight or her age while using the guide?