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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To formula feed baby despite OH's objections.

513 replies

Herbie22 · 29/05/2017 17:08

DD is 5 weeks old and exclusively breast fed. I am finding this tough because she is either on the boob or upset.
This is my first baby so I'm not sure what I am doing. I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her. I know that it's hard work a newborn but I can't even walk down the road to the shops without her screaming. I don't get to see anyone and it is making me sad and lonely.

I tried to speak to OH about this and he said that he doesn't want her on formula. He said that I am making enough milk because she is gaining weight. I don't think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.
I also wonder if she would sleep better if she was formula fed. I am up nearly all night feeding her at the moment which is another reason I think I'm not producing enough milk as she won't settle.
I don't want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I've lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding. It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can't even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I'm starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to Tesco, without a baby attached to him.
I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!

OP posts:
Chickpearocker · 31/05/2017 14:29

I don't believe breast is best. Such a stupid saying which needs to be binned. What's best is doing what is right for you and your family. I believe theydifferences between formula and breastmilk have been hugely overstated. I wouldn't give a second thought to not breastfeeding my child. In fact I won't breastfeed my next child because I don't want to and I couldn't give a stuff what anyone thinks.

lifeisazebracrossing · 31/05/2017 14:29

I also found this age very difficult with constant feeding. I already gave one bottle of for USA in the evening and pumped but it was still draining so I started pumping every two hours (not easy either but every two hours was a lot better than all day long!) and then give her 2/3oz bottles every two hours. I'd start her off on the breast then give her the bottle. I was then happy that she had had enough and wasn't hungry. I switched back to breastfeeding for a while (every two hours) then back to pumping but mostly breastfed at night. I did it until she was 9 months but it got loads easier by 4/5 months then really easy after 6 months. It was a mish mash looking back but you do what suits you, I suppose. Good luck with what you decide.

lifeisazebracrossing · 31/05/2017 14:30

Formula not for USA!

NotYoda · 31/05/2017 14:31

Dork

That's true

But this thread is about the mental wellbeing of the mother. Formula feeding might be the best thing for that

People on these threads get into these polarised positions and overstate the benefits of breastfeeding (as opposed to breast milk)

lifeisazebracrossing · 31/05/2017 14:31

Oh, and I gradually gave more formula and less breast milk over time as she cut night feeds and ate more, etc. Mixed feeding can be done.

Neutrogena · 31/05/2017 14:34

Sorry NotYoda - didn't mean to cause any consternation.

NotYoda · 31/05/2017 14:37

No worries

PersianCatLady · 31/05/2017 14:53

Whatever your personal opinions, that's just not true
Please feel free to refer to any complete scientific studies without qualification that prove that breastmilk is better than formula milk.

www.philly.com/philly/blogs/healthy_kids/Breast-milk-vs-formula-What-do-the-studies-really-tell-us.html

health.usnews.com/health-care/articles/2017-03-27/breast-feeding-may-not-lead-to-smarter-preschoolers

DorkMaiden · 31/05/2017 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseQueen · 31/05/2017 15:04

It is bugger anybody else's opinion how you choose to feed your child. Do what is right for you, your baby and your mental health. Yanbu.

Not read all the replies, but a million times THIS. When it comes to BF, it is absolutely nothing to do with anyone else, and everything to do with what is right for you and the baby.
I don't see how it is in any way helpful to you and your baby to insist on bf when it is upsetting you, and baby is unsettled too.Mental health is important to and some of the insistence of bf at all costs can be downright dangerous.
Your baby won't self implode if she suddenly has ff.

CheeseQueen · 31/05/2017 15:10

He is now telling DD "Mummy said she doesn't like you anymore." I know he's saying it as a joke but am feeling a bit fragile and wishing I hadn't mentioned formula!

Angry OK, this is the first time I've ever said this on MN, but he's a fucking arsehole!! How dare he lay such emotional manipulation on you?! As he's not in possession of a pair of boobs or capable of finding out what bf takes himself, tell him to shut his gob or do it himself. Honestly, I can feel my blood boiling for you! Some people just do not have a CLUE how it feels, and don't realise what their constant pushing of how you'd be failing to look after baby properly can do to your mental health. If you'd feel happier with formula, baby will be just as happy, and you may feel happier too. Only YOU know what you want to do.
seven201 · 31/05/2017 15:30

My dd has had a baby type of formula before bed since she was 1 month. Well actually it started off as one in the morning and one before bed as she hadn't recovered her birth weight, so I was told to. We managed to get rid of the morning bottle eventually but have kept the before bottle because I wanted to and she's now nearly 1. Best thing ever as I can get a little break and it does make my dd sleep better/in a longer patch.

Apairofsparklingeyes · 31/05/2017 15:47

Herbie, you've done amazingly well to last for 5 weeks with no sleep and constant feeding. I gave up bf after 2 weeks because I hated it so much!

Your DP sounds very immature. Now that he is a father, he needs to understand that your wellbeing is every bit as important as DDs at the moment.

mmgirish · 31/05/2017 15:52

Dear OP,

It sounds like you are exhausted both mentally and physically. I started introducing some formula when my ds2 was 6 weeks old. My ds1 didn't get any until 6 months. They are both fine. Physically strong and clever children.

It's not the end of the world to give some formula. Is it as good as breast milk? No, but everyone knows that. Breast milk of course is best for babies but breastfeeding isn't always the best thing for the mother.

Your wee baby needs you to be physically and mentally capable of looking after her to the best of your ability. You should do what works for you as a an individual and that will benefit your baby too.

Tell your husband to stop telling those 'jokes'. They aren't funny.

WellErrr · 31/05/2017 15:52

Please feel free to refer to any complete scientific studies without qualification that prove that breastmilk is better than formula milk

Are you joking? Do you need studies to prove the sky is blue? Or that bears shit in the woods?

Lweji · 31/05/2017 15:53

What's a "complete scientific study without qualification"?

PainCanBeBeautiful · 31/05/2017 15:54

All of my daughters doctors and experts have said breast milk is better as it is easier on the babies tummy and less work for the rest of their little organs. I think that's fact enough.

I still don't believe it's best as such, as in it's not always the best for a certain situation.

WellErrr · 31/05/2017 15:57

But feel free to peruse this as a start.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK215837/

The superiority of human breastmilk for human babies, over cross-species milk, is really not up for debate.
As previous posters have said, there is more to consider such as maternal mental health.
But stating that cross-species formula is as good as human breastmilk is just embarrassing. Gets right on my wick as it is seriously unfair to mothers to peddle these untruths.

WellErrr · 31/05/2017 16:00

What's a "complete scientific study without qualification

I'm not sure, but when the poster requesting it has just linked to two magazine articles you've got to wonder.

Lweji · 31/05/2017 16:05

Or peruse this:
onlinelibrary.wiley.com/cochranelibrary/search/

Cutesbabasmummy · 31/05/2017 16:13

I decided to give up breastfeeding at 4 weeks. After an hour expressing on both breast I only o[produced 30 mils milk. My son fed for an hour one night and then I gave him formula and he drank 60mls! I couldn't get off the sofa. As soon as decided to stop it was better as I knew how much he had taken so stopped worrying and he thrived on formula. Don't feel you have to do it, millions of babies are ok on formula.

paxillin · 31/05/2017 17:02

The "study" quoted above is a book chapter, not a trial or study of any sort. It is authored by the Institute of Medicine (US) Committee on the Evaluation of the Addition of Ingredients New to Infant Formula. They did not aim to study anything, and merely aimed to look at recommendations about the addition of ingredients to formula milk.

They do qualify their recommendations by stating that breast vs formula has not been, and cannot be, studied in a robust way without lots of confounding factors. So whilst a worthwhile endeavour to ensure safety of formula, it adds nothing to the debate.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 31/05/2017 17:03

It is complex, though, surely, to prove breastmilk is 'better' than formula?

Most studies look at infant health, or the health of children as they grow. Some look also at adults, and some look also at the health of mothers who have breastfed, which is why we know about the lowering of the risk of certain types of cancer.

It is much harder to include other kinds of risk to the baby and the mother, such as PND or exhaustion. That doesn't mean those things aren't real, though.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 31/05/2017 17:05

(I am absolutely not saying this to knock breastfeeding or promote formula, btw.)

PersianCatLady · 31/05/2017 17:07

I'm not sure, but when the poster requesting it has just linked to two magazine articles you've got to wonder
Every study of BF over FF cannot take into account factors such as wealth and mother's health.

Basically most studies find that kids that are BF are slightly more intelligent than those who are FF.

What the studies don't take into account is that the kind of people who BF are generally wealthier and healthier themselves.

When a study finds that kids who were BF are slightly healthier at age 5 than those who were FF, it cannot take into account other lifestyle factors.

As I said earlier on, the only way to carry out such a study would be to recruit thousands of families of identical twins and BF one twin and FF the other and study them for their entire lives.

Only then would all other factors be removed from the equation.