To formula feed baby despite OH's objections.

[Herbie22]

DD is 5 weeks old and exclusively breast fed. I am finding this tough because she is either on the boob or upset.
This is my first baby so I'm not sure what I am doing. I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her. I know that it's hard work a newborn but I can't even walk down the road to the shops without her screaming. I don't get to see anyone and it is making me sad and lonely.

I tried to speak to OH about this and he said that he doesn't want her on formula. He said that I am making enough milk because she is gaining weight. I don't think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.
I also wonder if she would sleep better if she was formula fed. I am up nearly all night feeding her at the moment which is another reason I think I'm not producing enough milk as she won't settle.
I don't want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I've lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding. It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can't even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I'm starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to Tesco, without a baby attached to him.
I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!

Hi OP, just read your description of how tongue tie was checked for. I'm afraid it's not possible to check just by seeing a latch. The tongue movement has to be assessed - how far can baby poke it out? Can the tongue move side to side? Up and down? Can baby cup her tongue? These are the movements she must be capable of for effective transfer of milk. You need someone trained in tongue tie assessment to check this. As others have said, it does sound as if tt or reflux could be involved here. If so, getting them diagnosed will also help with ff, if you decide that's what you want to do. A google search will hopefully find someone trained working in your area. My experience of bfing a tongue tied baby was very similar to how yours sounds.

To add to TheSkys post id second doing this but please do it today; some places get arse you about doing TT procedures if baby is older than 7 weeks.

I suggest you get nipple clamps for your oh. He has to wear them whenever you are feeding for the length of the feed and when she is not feeding then he has to listen to a recording of her crying.

Do this for 24 hours and see how he feels.

There is a reason babies don't come with a manual, it is because they are all individual as are their mothers and other relatives.

Do what is best for YOU as well as what is best for baby. Sometimes this is a compromise. I know lots of women who have done a mix and match of bf and formula.

I taught a couple of women from Malawi where bf is a family affair, babies are fed by mum, auntie, possibly gran and the next door neighbour!

If you are producing enough milk then discuss with HV pumping and freezing some so that at least someone else can do a feed and give you a rest.

I know this is not an option for everyone.

*Oh fuck off. Seriously, take your sanctimonious opinion and fuck off.

Don't come here making an exhausted mother feel guilty.*

Actually I know people sometimes don't want to hear it but I think someone should voice this stuff. Sometimes hearing it is just as useful as a hundred people saying ah diddums. People are different.

Besides which whilst it's very sad that some people who can't bf are left feeling terrible, and some apply too much pressure/sanctimony, it's probably better overall to nudge people towards perseverance.

Of course he can have an opinion but in reality it's down to you.

Adult women do not need to be told 'how it is' or be pressured to carry on with something when they are struggling with something that has a perfectly fine alternative that millions of people have used without ill effect.

The op is not living under a rock, she will have been told the benefits of breastfeeding a zillion times.

Actually I know people sometimes don't want to hear it but I think someone should voice this stuff.

Her husband already is, in case you missed it.

The OP already feels enough pressure to breastfeed!

I went back into hospital 2 days after baby was born for 3 nights (without him), expressed 3 times the first day and hardly at all after that as I was so weak. Baby was formula fed during this time and my partner did night feeds with formula for the next 2 weeks after I got out as I was still in a very bad way. I spent from the time I woke to to time I went to bed breast feeding during these 2 weeks (which was fine, I was too ill and exhausted to do anything other than sit on the sofa anyway).

My supply sorted itself fine, after the first 2 weeks I started bfing only, baby gained weight rapidly and in fact ended up near 90th percentile for weight.

On the other hand, If I'd had low production issues for any other reason, I may not have been able to do this but just thought I'd share my experience to show that a bit of formula feeding isn't necessarily going to ruin breast feeding.

You have breast fed exclusively from the start so I'd say even if your milk production is a little low, it would probably still be established enough that you could add in the odd top up without worry.

It is hard in the first weeks but having found everything baby related tough in the start, I will say that breast feeding has become a real joy for me and really helped with getting over other hurdles with the baby.

Do what's right for you, whether you breast feed or not is a very personal decision, you shouldn't be bullied in either direction x

Op with all the posts in the world and his wife giving you their opinion including your twatty dh it's totally and utterly up to you.

It really doesn't matter to your baby how she's fed as long as she is fed and loved and it's far more important that you are happy and comfortable.

With the greatest respect no one will judge you as no one should have an opinion what other women choose to do with their boobs.

Hello everyone.
I didn't explain her check up very well. Her tongue was checked by HV and MW. However should I still find out about seeing a lactation expert? Who do I contact about this? (Sorry I'm a bit clueless)
DP worked away last night so I had baby in bed with me (No quilt covers/pillows ect in our own sleeping bags ect) and found it easier to feed her and go back to sleep rather than going back and forth to her basket. Unfortunately I don't have room for a side car cot in my room due to the layout of the room.

Have you joined local mum Facebook groups? As they are a wealth of knowledge regarding feeding and lactation, including who to contact in you area. Also good at support.

@Herbie22 - if your dh were to look at any group of people, he would not be able to pick out, at a glance, those who had been breastfed and those who had been formula fed. It may not be the perfect way to feed a baby, but formula is pretty good, and formula fed babies are just as likely to thrive, develop well, excel in school, become a CEO and win the lottery as breast fed babies.

You say that co-sleeping helped you cope with the night feeds. I wonder - would your husband be happy to sleep in the spare bed/on the couch, if that enabled you to carry on breastfeeding? Or would he be unwilling to compromise his comfort in any way, whilst expecting you to knacker yourself, to continue breastfeeding?

Actually I know people sometimes don't want to hear it but I think someone should voice this stuff. Sometimes hearing it is just as useful as a hundred people saying ah diddums. People are different.

Besides which whilst it's very sad that some people who can't bf are left feeling terrible, and some apply too much pressure/sanctimony, it's probably better overall to nudge people towards perseverance.*

The poster was spouting shit about formula being terrible and contributing to obesity.

That is a horrible thing to tell a new parent who is struggling to maintain the demands of breast feeding. Was more of an aggressive shove than a nudge.

Nobody needs to voice that utter rubbish.

I feel no guilt whatsoever about (choosing to) formula feed, my kids fed well with clean sterilised equipment and thrived. They have a healthy well balanced diet and are well within a healthy weight range. No twat on the internet will ever make me feel bad or guilty.

Some mums are more vulnerable, impressionable, may have PND etc, shoving such negative (and not factually correct) comments on mothers looking for advice and guidance is just wrong.

Sure, point out the positives of breast feeding, reassure them it gets easier with time, give tips and advice, but don't spout shit to make them feel guilty and potentially force them to continue when it could be detrimental to the mother.

*Actually I know people sometimes don't want to hear it but I think someone should voice this stuff. Sometimes hearing it is just as useful as a hundred people saying ah diddums. People are different.

Besides which whilst it's very sad that some people who can't bf are left feeling terrible, and some apply too much pressure/sanctimony, it's probably better overall to nudge people towards perseverance*.

The poster was spouting shit about formula being terrible and contributing to obesity.

That is a horrible thing to tell a new parent who is struggling to maintain the demands of breast feeding. Was more of an aggressive shove than a nudge.

Nobody needs to voice that utter rubbish.

I feel no guilt whatsoever about (choosing to) formula feed, my kids fed well with clean sterilised equipment and thrived. They have a healthy well balanced diet and are well within a healthy weight range. No twat on the internet will ever make me feel bad or guilty.

Some mums are more vulnerable, impressionable, may have PND etc, shoving such negative (and not factually correct) comments on mothers looking for advice and guidance is just wrong.

Sure, point out the positives of breast feeding, reassure them it gets easier with time, give tips and advice, but don't spout shit to make them feel guilty and potentially force them to continue when it could be detrimental to the mother.

I am sorry that I haven't read the whole thread but I think that you should do what you want to do regardless of what anybody else wants you to do.

You have obviously thought hard about this and I believe that while breastfeeding is obviously the ideal way to feed a baby, I don't believe that it is so important that women should feel obligated to continue doing it when it is affecting their own health so much.

If you google lactation consultant in your area you should be able to find one, or phone LLL. The local Facebook groups are usually really good or post on here in infant feeding with your area and hopefully someone will give you a recommendation.

Co-sleeping and feeding lying down meant I was able to get a good nights sleep, mine just stirred and latched on without properly waking and I barely noticed they had woken up. I honestly didn't feel sleep deprived at all.

Make sure you set the bed up for safe co-sleeping (firm mattress, no pillows, quilts, nothing baby can get trapped between mattress and wall for example).
Google feeding lying down so you know the safest position.
No drinking/smoking.
From everything I read, co-sleeping is safest when you exclusively breastfeed.

kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/cosleeping/

And op you don't need an excuse to give up breast feeding if that's what you think. You really don't. Do what suits you and fuck anyone else's opinion including your dh. Your body your choice.

As you can't have the baby by the side of your bed, would it work better for you to sleep in her room, or have the husband sleep elsewhere?

It might help for a few months until she sleeps better through the night.

I had DS's cot by the bed and it was so much easier.

it's probably better overall to nudge people towards perseverance
Best for who??

The OP should just persevere until she can't take it any more?

Ridiculous advice.

I cannot believe how much the NHS promotes breastfeeding as the best way of feeding a baby.

There has never been any complete scientific study that has proved completely that breast is best when taking all factors into account.

The only way to carry out such a study would be to recruit thousands of families of identical twins and BF one twin and FF the other and study them for their entire lives.

Only then would it be possible to scientifically ascertain which feeding method is best.

Isn't it just a go to that natural is better seeing as it isn't forced?

I don't believe any is better than the other really and both have their uses. It's not hard to see why it's considered best though. It's easier on a baby's tummy for a start and that is fact.

It's not hard to see why it's considered best though
You are right but the level at which the NHS promotes BF so aggressively is ridiculous.

Formula is just ok for babies. It keeps them alive until other methods of feeding can be used. It's fine to do. That's all.

Breast milk that's just made for that baby to meet all of its needs at that time is far superior to processed cows milk. It should be promoted, although I would prefer to see colostrum promoted more heavily than breastfeeding.