To formula feed baby despite OH's objections.

[Herbie22]

DD is 5 weeks old and exclusively breast fed. I am finding this tough because she is either on the boob or upset.
This is my first baby so I'm not sure what I am doing. I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her. I know that it's hard work a newborn but I can't even walk down the road to the shops without her screaming. I don't get to see anyone and it is making me sad and lonely.

I tried to speak to OH about this and he said that he doesn't want her on formula. He said that I am making enough milk because she is gaining weight. I don't think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.
I also wonder if she would sleep better if she was formula fed. I am up nearly all night feeding her at the moment which is another reason I think I'm not producing enough milk as she won't settle.
I don't want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I've lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding. It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can't even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I'm starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to Tesco, without a baby attached to him.
I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!

Im sorry, @NotYoda.

I'll be in the corner, if I am needed.

It's OK. It was a good answer. I'll let you off

Should the father not get any say?

Depends, can he lactate? Because he certainly shouldn't get any say in what another adult human does with their body, no.

Depends, can he lactate?

He can. Prolactin injections will lead to him producing breast milk.

paxillin

That's amazing. I did not know that! Do men feed babies currently?

I don't want to de-rail the thread, but as someone actually trying to lactate, if anyone knows about prolactin injections, can you PM me? Thank you.

There we are then, once he's prolactined up and he can produce sufficient milk for the baby from his nipples, equal say time.

Honestly, there's something very wrong with the understanding of anyone who thinks of this in terms of what percentage his the baby is, instead of what percentage the tits.

I've only read a few answers as the thread is too long, but thought I'd tell you my experience hoping it helps a bit.
Dd1 was very much like you describe, constantly attached, maybe not so much at 5 weeks, but certainly until 3-4. I had sore, bleeding nipples and I would feel like crying every time she woke for a feed! I was very stubborn though and couldn't contemplate giving up (not suggesting you should do this) so I did mixed feeding to give my nipples a rest... usually at the end of a feed. And very slowly she began feeding less frequently and sleeping more. I also stopped the top ups by around 6-7 weeks and after that I was able to do exclusive bf.

Best of luck OP, it's horrible shen you feel like you're not enjoying your baby, and luckily I had amuch better experience with dd2 (and then I had twins!). Hope you find the best solution for you to make it work.

Can I just say formula feeding is fine and not a faff especially if you throw money at it. Would highly recommend perfect prep machine, a plug in, 6 bottle steriliser and formula cartons for out and about.

I'm currently bfing the 5 month old and then top up with formula. We've mixed fed since birth, no nipple confusion and boobs still producing milk. You need to do what's best for you and your baby. That comment your dh made is horrendous, please tell him to stfu.

Should the father not get any say?

No. It is her body.

If he wants to decide whether the baby will be breastfed, he can:

a) pay for a wet nurse. Was once very fashionable among nobility. I doubt he can afford it. Not sure it is legal nowadays.

b) inject himself with drugs that will cause him to lactate.

Those are his options. He does NOT EVER EVER get to decide what a woman does with her body. End of story.

Also OP, when I was really struggling with breastfeeding (still am go an extent, but not so much) my OH jokingly affected disappointment as formula would cost so much more! I was hormonal and stressed and read him the riot act for that - you would be well within your rights to give your OH a full bollocking for his 'joke' about not bloody loving your DD. You grew her in your bloody body for 9 months! He does not get to question your love for her because you are struggling to continue sustaining her completely single-handed now she's here!:

No, the father gets NO say. He does not get to dictate how the mother uses her own body. Nor should he try to guilt trip her in any way.

Should the father not get any say?
I don't understand this 'It's MY baby. I'm the mother and it's MY baby'
Surely the other parent has a valid opinion?

The father gets a say in the majority of parenting decisions, it's probably only breastfeeding that should be entirely the mother's decision. Her boobs. Her choice. End of.

I am a big formula fan but be prepared she may not like it straight away.

Anyway just wanted to say the first 6 weeks are the worst and then it's like a cloud lifts...

When did men get most of the parenting choices?

fatold - I don't really know, but the breastfeeding support worker we saw said they do work, but they do have quite significant hormonal side-effects, too. I would think she knew her stuff, so maybe it'd be worth contacting La Leche or similar to see if anyone could advise? They must have come across it before.

It's your bloody body! If you want to BF, stick at it and things will almost certainly improve very soon. If not, that is absolutely none of his business and no reflection on you as a mother. He does not get to dictate what you do with your body.

I wanted to say as well, I chose to exclusively formula feed my baby, as I would any future children we have.
I didn't want to breastfeed or even attempt it.
I personally do not feel formula feeding is a faff at all, nor that money needs to be thrown at it.
Perfect prep- not necessary. I hate the idea of a machine to make bottles. Simply boil a fresh kettle, leave to cool for 30 minutes then make. Leave to cool naturally then store in the fridge for up to 24 hours (I know that's not recommended anymore but it never harmed myself or my siblings, nor my son. So it won't harm any future children I have. I will make bottles the same way for them.
To warm up at home, plastic jug and boiling water.
Also cartons for out- pointless. Travel bottle warmer (fill it with boiling water and it stays hot for hours), so easy to warm bottles.
To sterilise, we use cold water. Milton tub, Milton fluid (I hate the tablets), lasts for 24 hours and can be used as many times as needed, and anything can go in it).
So so easy. I hate people who consider formula feeding a faff or hard work.

I haven't RTFT. Just wanted to say that it sounds normal and that things do get easier if you persevere! Having said that it's totally your choice whether you want to breast or formula feed, and if it's impacting on your wellbeing then you should take your mental and physical health into consideration in the decision.

I had some supply issues. Fenugreek and other galactalogues helped a bit, as did drinking huge quantities of water.

If you carry on breastfeeding, it can be relentlessly gruelling at the start and during growth spurts, but finding a really good book to read, spending hours on the phone, playing video games, burying myself in long TV box sets and learning a language (when I was awake enough to concentrate!) really helped me. I also had a go at some armchair-friendly crafts like cross stitch. If you're glued to a seat, it's really good to keep yourself busy with things that you enjoy. It doesn't sound like much, but it also helped me to sit in chairs in different parts of the house so I at least got a change in view every so often - I even spent a bit of time sat on the landing and at the foot of the stairs keeping my partner company when he was cooking or sorting washing out. You could also invite friends over so you're not so isolated, or go over to their house and sit in one of their chairs to feed for a few hours instead. :) I also used to hand the baby over to my partner every day and go for a shower with enough doors closed so that I couldn't hear any whining or crying, too, or go out for a few minutes to the corner shop on my own, which made me feel horribly guilty the first few times but honestly saved my sanity. Making sure you get clean and dressed every morning helps as well, even if it seems easier to stay in bed in pyjamas.

Only read the OP and OPs replies so sorry if repeating.

My DD fed CONSTANTLY 24/7!!!

She had (has):
75% tongue tie (both anterior and posterior - the latter are very hard to spot/diagnose and was missed the first time by the lactation consultant who performed the first TT snip)

Severe silent reflux - she would not actually vomit but would comfort suck 24/7 because the milk soothed the burning feeling in her throat

Colic

Cowsmilk protien allergy and soy allergy

She screamed a lot (!!!) and did not sleep or settle

I had to go on a very strict dairy and soy exclusion diet, and she needed 20mg omeprazole to achieve symptom control.

Cluster feeding is normal, literally feeding 24/7 is usually not.

The website Kellymom is a good BF resource which I found very useful at helping me understand 'normal' cluster feeding

The book 'colic solved' all about reflux was invaluable

Google Dr McKenna and his 20+years of scientific research into infant sleep at the notre dame university to understand what are normal expectations for infant sleep, it may help inform your decisions

Ps, your DH is being an unsupportive passive aggressive arse by saying that and I'm surprised he's still standing tbh!!

And it's easy for me to say keep going if you can, but honestly once you get past the first 3 months it gets so much better/easier (even with all of those things I went through ^^ I'm so glad I kept going and we are still BF at 2 years 7 months)

BUT if you feel you need to mix feed/FF then that is your decision!!

See no 32

cosleeping.nd.edu/frequently-asked-questions/#Q28

That was another thing I did for sanity- cosleep!!!!

One more thing before I go to sleep (I'm 5 hours behind the uk) some babies have 'needier' (if that's the right word?!) personalities.

Google Dr Sears high needs baby.

My DD has 12/12 of the traits! I can see looking back that some of the constant feeding and refusing to be put down ever was actually her personality and not just because of her reflux/allergies/TT

So FF wouldn't have helped my DD, aside from her cows milk allergy (!) it may have made her clinginess worse in the respect that she needed the close physical contact of BF

I was similar toffers you with Dd1. I tried to persevere but cracked at about 8 weeks. She was a different baby afterwards and formula wasnt a pain ato all. It turns out she had tongue tie, which no one picked up. To be honest I regret persevering so long as she was so different afterwards that I am sure she wasn't getting enough milk.
With dd2 I was determined I was going to bf but it didn't work out. I didn't beat myself up about it and have no regrets. My sister who had her baby at the same time loved by and successfully fed 2 children for over 2 years.
My midwife said the second time that a happy mum is much better for the baby. My kids are much older now and health /development wise you wouldn't know which of their friends were breastbone bottle fed.
It's your choice not dh's BTW - although he has the right to express his views it's terrible to guilt trip you.

Sorry about spelling mistakeso. Thought I had checked it....