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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF coming in when I'm in the shower!

246 replies

RedheadLover · 29/05/2017 14:38

My BF has a rather irritating habit of coming the bathroom when I'm in the shower and I really don't like it. I don't think there's anything sexual about it (honestly!), he just doesn't seem to think it's a big deal if he wants to come in and talk to me while I'm washing my hair or whatever.

I've told him I don't appreciate being walked in on and would actually rather have the time to myself. He thought this was strange and said 'it's not like I've never seen you naked before' Angry but has reluctantly agreed not to keep walking in on me.

So today, rather than bursting in as usual, he was knocking on the door. I could hear he was saying something but couldn't make out the words over the sound of the water and the music I had on. Figuring it must be something important as we'd only just had a conversation about how I prefer not to be bothered while showering, I got out of the shower (conditioner still on), wrapped myself in a towel and traipsed across to the door (leaving a trail of water) to see what he wanted.

The message which he'd found so vital to relay to me was that the pizza he'd put in for lunch would be ready in ten minutes Confused

He says I'm ungrateful because he only wanted to let me know so it wouldn't get cold. I think he should have waited until I was out the shower to tell me lunch was ready!

AIBU to be annoyed and to wish I could have just fifteen minutes of privacy?! Does anyone else's partner do this?

OP posts:
Somerford · 29/05/2017 16:10

Well I've never said he's controlling of passive aggressive . You can't claim "the goal posts seem to be shifting" when you're mixing up things different people have said.

True, I've gotten you mixed up with another poster. Still, I'm not sure I can even get on board with the idea that he is somehow self centred for putting a pizza in the oven. OP can eat it when it's ready if she wants to, or she can choose not to. It's a pizza. I find it absurd that such a trivial interaction has drawn this level of condemnation.

OP has asked him not to come into the bathroom when she is showering, he agreed (reluctantly though - the scum bag) and then he's told her there was some lunch on the way if she wanted it. That's it.

JeNeBaguetteRien · 29/05/2017 16:13

alltouchedout why do you let him in?

There are no locks on the bathrooms here so the rule is if the door is closed you can't go in and if it's open you can. I don't mind DH coming on if I'm in the shower but if I'm defuzzing or squeezing a spot then he can stay out.

ElinorRigby · 29/05/2017 16:14

I was gardening yesterday, and my DH came out to tell me that he was making me lunch and it would be ready in 10 minutes. Gosh, I was livid! How dare he invade my "me time" in the garden. He's like a needy toddler, but actually it's very controlling and manipulative behaviour isn't it? WIBU to LTB?

I do have a strong need to have quiet time, to read and to think. Or if I'd had a bad day, I might particularly want a long interrupted bath.

But I think if the person I live with wanted to pop in briefly with a quick routine message about food - not to have a long chat or to stare at my semi-naked body, I'd find that a relatively 'normal' thing to do.

It is useful if you can be comfortable in situations where one of you is naked. And in sharing the different spaces within your house. It just makes for more flexibility in the relationship. It might also be particularly useful for people who are going to go on to have children - who are not great respecters of personal space.

ShotsFired · 29/05/2017 16:17

Why did OH wait till OP was already showering before he leaped into action to turn on the oven and put in the pizza?

Couldn't he have said "lunch in 20mins, ok?" before she went to the bathroom?
Or waited till the water was turned off?
Or even [gasp] waited until she was out, dressed and back downstairs and then done it?

No. He chose to wait till she was doing the very thing she had asked not to be disturbed doing, and then purposely and quite unnecessarily disturbed her. It's annoying and rude, at best.

It's not a survey on whether women of Mumsnet mind our partner comes in or out of the bathroom when we are using it.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 29/05/2017 16:18

Put a lock on the door and ignore any shouted comments through it. If the house is burning down he'll break down the door if he feels the need to let you know.

It really doesn't matter whether anyone else on this thread is happy with their DH seeing them in the shower, on the toilet, inserting a tampon, or shaving their legs, what is important is that you aren't happy with it. It's a simple enough request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2017 16:19

Does he normally respect your boundaries, OP? Because that's sort of important.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/05/2017 16:22

What Shotsfired said.

sweetbitter · 29/05/2017 16:27

I'm surprised so many people take the view that it's generally unreasonable to go into the bathroom while your other half is showering or in the bath, I've never thought twice about it before. I can understand therefore why your DP was surprised when you said you didn't like it, as I would have been too. But now you've told him I guess you just need to repeat until he gets that you really do mean it.

PigletJohn · 29/05/2017 16:28

"over the sound of the water and the music I had on"

I didn't understand that bit.

Original poster
RedheadLover · 29/05/2017 16:31

Yes, he does normally MrsTerryPratchett, which is why I'm surprised on this occasion that he doesn't seem to completely understand.

OP posts:
DixieFlatline · 29/05/2017 16:31

Why did OH wait till OP was already showering before he leaped into action to turn on the oven and put in the pizza?

Yep. A frozen pizza takes 12-15 minutes to cook. And another 15 minutes to get anything like lukewarm. There was zero reason to disturb the OP for this, unless it was just an excuse.

Marmalade85 · 29/05/2017 16:32

Absolutely hate this. Tell him to fuck off and then fix the lock.

Original poster
RedheadLover · 29/05/2017 16:33

PigletJohn - The water was running and I was also playing music on my phone, so I couldn't hear what my BF was saying. Sorry if that was confusingly worded!

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/05/2017 16:35

Whether or not posters are happy for their partners/kids/neighbours or whoever to stroll in when they are in the bathroom isn't relevant. The OP isn't comfortable with it. Or is it okay to only respect the boundaries with which you agree? Hmm

lottiegarbanzo · 29/05/2017 16:36

I wouldn't like this either and agree with shotsfired. Who interrupts someone's shower, for anything so trivial?

rainbowpie · 29/05/2017 16:36

Our bathroom door gets locked if one of us is doing a poo. That's it. We wander in and out. Our young DC wander in and out. DH and I have planned holidays while I'm in the bath. It sounds like you and your BF have different boundaries.

FuckingDingDong · 29/05/2017 16:48

I think he should have waited until I was out the shower to tell me lunch was ready!
But you might have been late for the pizza, and he might have thought that was rude!

Benedikte2 · 29/05/2017 16:57

When I'm in the bathroom my cat often waits outside for me. He's normally very quiet, non-vocal but for some reason must think I might escape down the plug hole or the loo and he sets up a yowling. As bad as a toddler.

FreeNiki · 29/05/2017 16:59

Lock the door and ignore the fucker.

gluteustothemaximus · 29/05/2017 17:08

OP doesn't want BF to come in. BF needs to listen and respect that.

Why would you cook a pizza when the other one is in the shower? Nothing more annoying than rushing a shower because lunch is ready in 10. Pizza goes cold fast.

SmileEachDay · 29/05/2017 17:27

The reason it's toddler like is because the OP had just had a conversation about not coming in. So he thought he'd rest where exactly the boundary was. Rather than, say, using his grown up powers of reasoning and not disturbing the OP for a few minutes.

SmileEachDay · 29/05/2017 17:27

*test the boundary.

Lweji · 29/05/2017 17:30

Hmm.

This is more what I think happened.

He put the pizza on, thought of telling OP, remembered she had asked him not to get in, knocked on the door because she had told him not to get in.

I don't see a problem, other than adapting to a new way of doing things.

It's different if the OP had told him only not to get in, or not to interrupt at all. From the OP it seemed like she only complained about the walking in, not interrupting.

Hopefully he will have got the message now and there won't be any more incidents. You can't really tell from one instance.

Beelzebop · 29/05/2017 17:43

My DP does this. It is to get attention in his case. Usually after he's been a git. It'd like he wants a pat on the head. Is it this OP? Would annoy me too!

Beelzebop · 29/05/2017 17:43

My DP does this. It is to get attention in his case. Usually after he's been a git. It'd like he wants a pat on the head. Is it this OP? Would annoy me too!

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