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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF coming in when I'm in the shower!

246 replies

RedheadLover · 29/05/2017 14:38

My BF has a rather irritating habit of coming the bathroom when I'm in the shower and I really don't like it. I don't think there's anything sexual about it (honestly!), he just doesn't seem to think it's a big deal if he wants to come in and talk to me while I'm washing my hair or whatever.

I've told him I don't appreciate being walked in on and would actually rather have the time to myself. He thought this was strange and said 'it's not like I've never seen you naked before' Angry but has reluctantly agreed not to keep walking in on me.

So today, rather than bursting in as usual, he was knocking on the door. I could hear he was saying something but couldn't make out the words over the sound of the water and the music I had on. Figuring it must be something important as we'd only just had a conversation about how I prefer not to be bothered while showering, I got out of the shower (conditioner still on), wrapped myself in a towel and traipsed across to the door (leaving a trail of water) to see what he wanted.

The message which he'd found so vital to relay to me was that the pizza he'd put in for lunch would be ready in ten minutes Confused

He says I'm ungrateful because he only wanted to let me know so it wouldn't get cold. I think he should have waited until I was out the shower to tell me lunch was ready!

AIBU to be annoyed and to wish I could have just fifteen minutes of privacy?! Does anyone else's partner do this?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/05/2017 08:42

This reminds me of the scene in Gavin and Stacey where Pam walks into the bathroom while Stacey is showering.

SmileEachDay · 30/05/2017 08:45

I am baffled about what could be so important that you need to go talk to your partner whilst he is weeing.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/05/2017 08:47

I'm truly amazed that people don't understand that people do things differently.

Dismissing someone else's boundary because it is different to yours is arrogant and worrying

Raspberriesaretheonlyfruit · 30/05/2017 08:48

Blue- letting her know when the meal is ready is a nice thing to do?

Either they had agreed on pizza before the shower and therefore the Op would how long she would have before it was ready ( it's only pizza).
In which case he's a needy knob for disturbing her.

Or he's decided to put one in unilaterally. Which also makes him a dick because he's now only allowed her 10 more minutes in the shower. Or cold pizza.

SmileEachDay · 30/05/2017 08:48

Indeed Livia

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/05/2017 08:50

In that exact scenario I would have been even more pissed off because cold pizza is the food of the gods Grin

llangennith · 30/05/2017 09:03

It wouldn't bother me but that's irrelevant; it bothers you and you've told him and he's still doing it.
Get the door lock fixed or buy a new lock.
Tell BF again not to come in and not to bother knocking either. You won't be answering. If it's a real emergency he'll burst in anyway.
Every time you go to use the bathroom look him in the eye and say firmly, "I'm going to shower (or whatever). Do not come in."

ElinorRigby · 30/05/2017 09:03

There does seem to be one rule for women and another for men.

According to Mumsnet seems that for quite a few men, 'male partner' time consists of having a very lengthy bowel movement - perhaps lasting 30 minutes - during which time they want to be undisturbed. (As it's not a fragrant activity they normally are left alone.) But this is universally felt to be selfish and inconvenient. With a little self-discipline this activity could take no more than a couple of minutes. And if this disrupts a planned meal for the family, it's a major crime

On the other hand a woman's wish to have a lengthy solitary shower which could impinge on the timing of lunch must not be questioned. (Just saying 'The pizza will be ready in 10 minutes' is a hanging offence..)

What's sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose surely...?

expatinscotland · 30/05/2017 09:04

What Livia and faith wrote. He cooked a pizza for them, break out the medals!! Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/05/2017 09:10

You know MN isn't a hive mind? I would respect anyone's right to have a long shit, I would expect them to do the same for me

SmileEachDay · 30/05/2017 09:13

Elinor

Really? Universally felt to be selfish? I don't think it's selfish - I think taking half an hour to do a shit leaves the shitter at risk of piles, but other than that...

I'm not sure where you've found this double standard?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/05/2017 09:19

my shower takes less than five mins. Even if it took an hour, short of the house burning down, I fail to see how a grown adult needs to speak to someone in that time enough to ignore their wish for a bit of privacy.

Fine if you don't care either way.

But it looks like a lot of those children who won't leave their parents to wee in peace never grow out of it Grin

unsure1234 · 30/05/2017 09:23

My husband once came in when I was in the shower and I said I would prefer he didn't. Now I always make sure I lock the door.
We have 2 bathrooms so it's fine.
He knows how long it usually takes me, so if I know he's cooking or something, I allow myself enough time to do all I need to do before it's ready.

NoLoveofMine · 30/05/2017 09:40

There does seem to be one rule for women and another for men.

On every thread on this sort of topic people seem to post this kind of thing. It seems they only see what they want to see as if anything the number who post this and defend the man in question's behaviour on whichever thread tends to be more than those criticising them.

The rest of your post was just exaggerating and selectively recounting a few posts to try to suggest there's some sort of double standard which clearly doesn't exist. Generally, in society, men are defended for all sorts of things far more than women; children assumed to be mothers' responsibility, here there seem to be more balanced views.

The OP's wish for privacy in the shower and her boundaries should be respected by her partner. Also, on another note, if putting a pizza in the oven is "cooking" I shall inform my parents they should stop complaining I should cook more as I am already highly skilled in this regard.

SmileEachDay · 30/05/2017 09:45

Nolove unfortunately there is a tendency for some posters to shriek "but the poor menz! The double standards! They are so discriminated against"

It's a shame that more people don't look at actual society and get cross about who still has all the privilege.

SmileEachDay · 30/05/2017 09:46

Oh, and pizza? Totally counts 😉

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/05/2017 09:48

Actually it doesn't matter which way round the sexes were.

And certain behaviour is seen as okay from women and not men.

But disrespecting someone's right to privacy is a wanky thing for men or women to do

YetAnotherSpartacus · 30/05/2017 10:00

Anyway, the issues are conflated. That (some) men all of the ones I have ever had to share a bathroom with take 30 minutes to have a shit and seem to enjoy wallowing in the stink is an issue about 'sharing the bathroom' and 'fair use' as well as potentially time management if there are others waiting for the bathroom or things to do it's also just inherently bloody annoying especially if they don't courtesy flush. It's not about privacy, which was the OP's issue. No one was saying she took too long in the shower.

NoLoveofMine · 30/05/2017 10:00

SmileEachDay very much so!

I'm also pleased to learn pizza in the oven counts as cooking. My household will be informed Grin

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/05/2017 10:10

Pizza in the oven - cooking
Pizza in the microwave - cooking
Takeaway pizza heated up - heresy

SmileEachDay · 30/05/2017 10:11

Pizza in a microwave?

WTF?

Is that a thing?

Kokusai · 30/05/2017 10:29

But it looks like a lot of those children who won't leave their parents to wee in peace never grow out of it

LOL

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/05/2017 10:32

Smile. Chicago Town small pizzas are microwaveable Grin They are surprisingly nice although not if you burn them Grin

SmileEachDay · 30/05/2017 10:34
Shock

But..but...are they brown? Or floppy?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/05/2017 10:39

GrinGrinGrin

No they are fab - and only take 3 mins so would have avoided the issue in the OP Grin

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