BF coming in when I'm in the shower!

[RedheadLover]

My BF has a rather irritating habit of coming the bathroom when I'm in the shower and I really don't like it. I don't think there's anything sexual about it (honestly!), he just doesn't seem to think it's a big deal if he wants to come in and talk to me while I'm washing my hair or whatever.

I've told him I don't appreciate being walked in on and would actually rather have the time to myself. He thought this was strange and said 'it's not like I've never seen you naked before' but has reluctantly agreed not to keep walking in on me.

So today, rather than bursting in as usual, he was knocking on the door. I could hear he was saying something but couldn't make out the words over the sound of the water and the music I had on. Figuring it must be something important as we'd only just had a conversation about how I prefer not to be bothered while showering, I got out of the shower (conditioner still on), wrapped myself in a towel and traipsed across to the door (leaving a trail of water) to see what he wanted.

The message which he'd found so vital to relay to me was that the pizza he'd put in for lunch would be ready in ten minutes

He says I'm ungrateful because he only wanted to let me know so it wouldn't get cold. I think he should have waited until I was out the shower to tell me lunch was ready!

AIBU to be annoyed and to wish I could have just fifteen minutes of privacy?! Does anyone else's partner do this?

It also doesn't matter if it doesn't bother you –it bothers the OP.

So? This is a public forum, I can state whatever I like.

It wouldn't bother me, but DH and I have been together a long time and are very close.

Maybe if it was just a boyfriend, it might bother me shrugs

Either way, since it does bother her, SINBU, however I don't for a second think it means he's controlling.

"I find it slightly weird that people are happy with inserting genitals, mingling body fluids etc. But if the same person wanders in while you're in the bath or shower to tell you something that's violating your personal space."

I consent to sex. I do not consent to any adult, partner or not, randomly walking in on me while I am taking a private shower or bath. They are two entirely separate matters. Just because I have chosen to be in a sexual relationship with a person, does not mean that I have given up all rights to privacy, or that my body should be on display for my DH to see any time he feels like it. No. Thankfully my DH understands this. I really don't see how difficult it is for anyone else to understand either.

he's put it in the oven when he got hungry and told OP that it'd be there for her in 10 minutes if she wanted it.

Pretty selfish behaviour. If you live with someone I think it's polite to check when they want to eat, if you're hungry just ask if they want to eat as well before you put something presumably for both of you in just because you feel you want to eat at that moment.

He's insinuated the OP was wrong for wanting privacy when she showers and not wanting him to barge in, then acted like this. He seems to be quite self-centred to say the least.

People are reading an awful lot into this

It's mumsnet.

I don't really understand your point of view, but defend your right to have it. :)

If you don't like it, then he should respect it.

I suspect he's just used to not having restrictions, so he needs to adjust his reflexes.
My line in the sand would be if he respects your wishes, even if he has a different point of view, and if he really tries and gets better.

It looks like he tried today, as he didn't just walk in on you, but he didn't fully get that you really don't want to be disturbed. I'm sure he'll get better at it. Just keep talking.
Otherwise, you'll have to make a judgement of whether he's worth adapting to him walking in on you in the bathroom or if it's better to let go of him

Hmmm. So now that he's not controlling or passive aggressive, he's self centred. The goal posts seem to be shifting as we look for a way to frame this guy as a bad person over what sounds like a very trivial interraction. Very odd.

Seems a bit daft on both sides to me tbh.

Getting out of the shower?

Surely just turning the water off would have been OK?

He could have knocked, opened the door & shouted in.

Or waited until Op was finished to put the pizza in.

Or discuss what time to eat before Op went to shower, idk.

I don't care if people come in/talk/use the toilet, bidet or bath when I'm in the shower.

Does seem a bit much that he had to interrupt Op's showering though-OK, not by walking in, but still interrupt.

Well I've never said he's controlling of passive aggressive . You can't claim "the goal posts seem to be shifting" when you're mixing up things different people have said.

I mean, whatever floats your boat and the obvious was response was going to be "tell him how you feel", which you did. So job done.

HOWEVER

I really can't understand your point of view at all. If I need to say something to OH or vice versa while one of us is in the shower, the other one just goes in and says it. I don't see the big deal. Especially if it's something helpful like "dinner's gonna be ready soon" - I REALLY can't see where PPs are getting "needy toddler" from.

I get what people are saying, everyone has different levels of needs and for some that includes being able to wash in peace. Some women refuse to let their partner see them on the toilet, yet fine with partner watching them give birth, I'm sure there is a male version.

I would be baffled and wonder what's going on if DP asked me to not go into the bathroom whilst he was in there, but maybe that's more to do with us being together so long us not really having privacy between us. Maybe TMI but there have been times DP has shaved my legs for me as I couldn't, and he likes it when I wash his hair (more a head massage I guess really). Only issue I have is when DP comes in for a shit whilst I'm in the shower, more often than not they really really stink! If they didn't smell I wouldn't have an issue.

WhatToDo, sure, but a lot of people here seem to be arguing along the lines of 'This wouldn't bother me so I can't see why it would bother you', which is obviously not a substantial or meaningful argument.

Why are you having your shower just before lunch?

What the fuck does that matter?

Isnt that lovely i wish my BF did that too mee, All that hot water and steam would result in lovely intercourse

But they had only just had the conversation about him not coming in and giving her space. Yet he still feels the burning need to interrupt her?
That's annoying behaviour at best.

It was only a pizza. 20 minutes from frozen 10 from fresh. Why should she be out of the shower in 10 minutes for a bit of sodding pizza?

Blood and that is fine- you don't have to have those kind of boundaries but it doesn't make them invalid from other people.

Everyone has the right to privacy to the extent to which they are comfortable, to say it is oddthst anyone wants that is truly baffling

I was gardening yesterday, and my DH came out to tell me that he was making me lunch and it would be ready in 10 minutes. Gosh, I was livid! How dare he invade my "me time" in the garden. He's like a needy toddler, but actually it's very controlling and manipulative behaviour isn't it? WIBU to LTB?

Smidge - We slept in as it's a bank holiday, so I had a late morning shower. I didn't know he was going to be making lunch, he just got hungry and decided to put something in the oven!

Do you garden naked, YouWhatMate?

DH uses the toilet whilst I'm in the shower. I hate it. If he's having a long bath and I desperately need the loo though, I make him get out and wait outside so I can go. I expect he hates that, so we're pretty even.

Understand the point you're making but it's not entirely the same thing!

I don't think he's like a needy toddler. He does have to respect the OP's right to privacy though - perhaps a brief convo before the shower would have saved any hassle.

And actually if you said that you wanted to be left alone in the garden, that would be your right, and he would be unreasonable to ignore that

Redhead Fwiw I agree with you entirely. H

Thanks Livia. Have appreciated your posts!