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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF coming in when I'm in the shower!

246 replies

RedheadLover · 29/05/2017 14:38

My BF has a rather irritating habit of coming the bathroom when I'm in the shower and I really don't like it. I don't think there's anything sexual about it (honestly!), he just doesn't seem to think it's a big deal if he wants to come in and talk to me while I'm washing my hair or whatever.

I've told him I don't appreciate being walked in on and would actually rather have the time to myself. He thought this was strange and said 'it's not like I've never seen you naked before' Angry but has reluctantly agreed not to keep walking in on me.

So today, rather than bursting in as usual, he was knocking on the door. I could hear he was saying something but couldn't make out the words over the sound of the water and the music I had on. Figuring it must be something important as we'd only just had a conversation about how I prefer not to be bothered while showering, I got out of the shower (conditioner still on), wrapped myself in a towel and traipsed across to the door (leaving a trail of water) to see what he wanted.

The message which he'd found so vital to relay to me was that the pizza he'd put in for lunch would be ready in ten minutes Confused

He says I'm ungrateful because he only wanted to let me know so it wouldn't get cold. I think he should have waited until I was out the shower to tell me lunch was ready!

AIBU to be annoyed and to wish I could have just fifteen minutes of privacy?! Does anyone else's partner do this?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/05/2017 15:01

Depends what you are used to. When I lived with an ex partner he wouldn't have dreamt of coming into the bathroom while I was in there, any more than I would disturb him. But we both locked the door automatically anyway

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/05/2017 15:01

Sorry that was to DeadGood

NoLoveofMine · 29/05/2017 15:01

I think he sounds lovely and you sound hard work.

He sounds lovely because he reluctantly agreed to a perfectly reasonable request not to walk in on the OP in the shower and shoved a pizza in the oven whilst she sounds hard work because she doesn't want to be interrupted for a few minutes in the shower?

Sparklingbrook · 29/05/2017 15:01

YY just fix the lock. Job done.

I always lock the door when I am in the bathroom.

redshoeblueshoe · 29/05/2017 15:03

Absolutely agree with MrsTerryPratchett.
I would not be happy if DH did this and as you'd already discussed it with him it makes him look a twat.

OrangeJulius · 29/05/2017 15:03

FFS you shouldn't have to lock the door to make your BF understand you want privacy. We don't have a lock and DH would never walk in on me because he knows I don't like it.

It was really unnecessary to tell you about the pizza.

Sparklingbrook · 29/05/2017 15:05

I hate going to houses that have no lock on the bathroom door. Sad

Slimthistime · 29/05/2017 15:06

Needy toddler.

EggysMom · 29/05/2017 15:06

I wouldn't dream of going into the bathroom while DH is in there, and he wouldn't come in while I'm showering or having a bath. And neither of us lock the door, it's just an acknowledgement of privacy.

user1490142285 · 29/05/2017 15:08

It's controlling behaviour. You've asked him to leave you alone in the shower. Whether he understands/agrees/likes it or not it is your preference and you've expressed it directly and without ambiguity, in other words, like an adult.

He doesn't like not being able to swan about and do as he likes including startling you when you're naked and vulnerable so his new, more irritating interpretation of what you've said is that he will just relentlessly disturb you in the shower but as long as he is not walking in the room he's abiding by your rules.

We're all familiar with this adolescent nonsense, it is typical of siblings in the back of a car on a long drive: 'But I didn't even touch him/her!'

Tell him again that you would like to take a shower undisturbed and for as long as it takes. He must not come in or to the door unless there is an emergency that you must attend to or escape from, eg house is on fire or he is on fire.

If he carries on just ignore him. Or you could offer to demonstrate how it makes you feel by waking him repeatedly in the night or during his lie-in to offer him snacks and tell him what he's missing on tv.

Generally, adults make requests to each other and abide by each other's requests within reason. You shouldn't have to explain this to him as though he is a child.

Empireoftheclouds · 29/05/2017 15:09

I realise you shouldn't have to have a lock, and I know that OP should be able to shower without him walking in, but she can't. So a lock would be ideal.

dataandspot · 29/05/2017 15:09

Fixing a lock is not going to stop him knocking on the door with inane comments.

He sounds like a toddler who'd can't go two minutes without your attention.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/05/2017 15:10

I can kind of understand him telling you about the pizza only being 10 minutes tbh, he didn't know how long you'd be in the shower did he? Imo that is not unreasonable

Then he should wait until the water goes off and pop the pizza in the oven. Putting it in the oven before sounds either controlling or obtuse.

My OH did this when we first met. He seriously had no idea that bathrooms were private spaces having grown up in a household full of men.

I soon taught him. He still things I'm prudish, but he accepts it.

FrenchMartiniTime · 29/05/2017 15:13

Some men can do no right on here.

If he had taken the pizza out of the oven, let it go stone cold without telling OP it was almost ready she probably would have written an equally tedious thread about how her BF didn't tell her lunch was almost ready so it went cold.

Original poster
RedheadLover · 29/05/2017 15:14

Thanks for the advice, *user.
*
I've just been speaking to him about it and have made it clear that I don't want to be disturbed at all, whether he comes into the room or not, and I think he now gets it. He says he really won't bother me in future unless it's an emergency.

I will still get the lock fixed though!

OP posts:
FrenchMartiniTime · 29/05/2017 15:15

Putting it in the oven before sounds either controlling or obtuse

Christ I've heard it all now! Her BF is controlling because he put a pizza in the oven without checking if the shower was on.

MN is sometimes a seriously bizarre place.

NoLoveofMine · 29/05/2017 15:16

Christ I've heard it all now!

As have I with you thinking a man sounds "lovely" because he eventually concedes to respecting his partner's privacy, then puts a pizza in the oven.

If you're going to put food on for someone else then it probably is sensible to check when they'll be ready to eat it.

Ravenblack · 29/05/2017 15:18

"Some men can do no right on here."

Loada tosh.

The behaviour from the B/F of the OP is straight up needy, passive aggressive, and controlling through and through.

Even if it's OK for the B/F to see the OP naked, she has explained that she doesn't like it, and she wants her 'me-time.' If he doesn't respect this, then he's an entitled to asshole.

SisterhoodisPowerful · 29/05/2017 15:19

Suggestions to lock the door are completely missing the point. You asked him not to and he ignored you. No one should live in a house where they have to lock a door for privacy against an adult. 3 year olds struggle with the concept of privacy. Adult men do not.

SapphireStrange · 29/05/2017 15:20

Cook your own lunch.

What a stupid thing to say. Grin

Ask him if he is having trouble understanding a simple request. Offer to draw him a picture, if that would help, or act it out, or use the medium of interpretative movement.

Original poster
RedheadLover · 29/05/2017 15:21

Sapphire Grin

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 29/05/2017 15:22

I am pleased to discover putting a pizza in the oven constitutes "cooking" though. I had no idea I was such an adept chef.

Somerford · 29/05/2017 15:22

He stopped coming into the bathroom when you're in the shower after you asked him, then he made you lunch and told that it was almost ready? The nerve. You need to get out of this relationship NOW. Pack your bags and get as far away from this monster as you can before he cooks dinner.

Screwinthetuna · 29/05/2017 15:23

Well I personally think it's odd...we shower with the door wide open in my house! Each to their own though, I don't even shut the door when I poo and my husband does, which I respect.

FrenchMartiniTime · 29/05/2017 15:24

Ok ok I see I'm in the minority of people who don't see the issue at all and don't see the BF as some kind of pizza weilding controlling asshole.

I'm just more laid back and honestly this isn't something I could get annoyed about but everyone's different.

I'm just in the mood for pizza now...

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