BF coming in when I'm in the shower!

[RedheadLover]

My BF has a rather irritating habit of coming the bathroom when I'm in the shower and I really don't like it. I don't think there's anything sexual about it (honestly!), he just doesn't seem to think it's a big deal if he wants to come in and talk to me while I'm washing my hair or whatever.

I've told him I don't appreciate being walked in on and would actually rather have the time to myself. He thought this was strange and said 'it's not like I've never seen you naked before' but has reluctantly agreed not to keep walking in on me.

So today, rather than bursting in as usual, he was knocking on the door. I could hear he was saying something but couldn't make out the words over the sound of the water and the music I had on. Figuring it must be something important as we'd only just had a conversation about how I prefer not to be bothered while showering, I got out of the shower (conditioner still on), wrapped myself in a towel and traipsed across to the door (leaving a trail of water) to see what he wanted.

The message which he'd found so vital to relay to me was that the pizza he'd put in for lunch would be ready in ten minutes

He says I'm ungrateful because he only wanted to let me know so it wouldn't get cold. I think he should have waited until I was out the shower to tell me lunch was ready!

AIBU to be annoyed and to wish I could have just fifteen minutes of privacy?! Does anyone else's partner do this?

We do this as a family. Well, DDs won't allow anyone in there when they are bathing/showering but they'll happily walk in when I'm in there. I don't mind but sometimes I lock the door. Don't have a problem with DH coming in though. I often sit on the loo(lid closed) and chat with him while he's in the bath.

@JeNeBaguetteRien our bathroom door doesn't lock and he says he cannot wait so just bursts in and goes for it. It's annoying.

I'm with giddyaunt, we were brought up that it was ok in our family (I know it seems strange to some).
But I would think after the chat that you don't like it, he would stop! I Really think personal boundaries should be respected.

I'd say most people would expect to be able to come into the bathroom when their partner is in there.

What !!!!

I wouldn't dream of disturbing my DH if he was in the bathroom and neither would he disturb me - we now have the luxury of more than one shower/toilet but when we first got together we had just one bathroom and would always check with the other before having a long bath/shower. And I have never, ever been disturbed by my child either - I made it absolutely clear that 'bathrooms' are private spaces from the time he could walk .

I'd say most people would expect to be able to come into the bathroom when their partner is in there.

Based on what? I understand that some people don't have privacy issues but is it really that hard to understand that others may have different boundaries?

And just to make it clear - the OP wasn't asking whether she was BU to want some bathroom privacy...

My ex used to do this. He would actually unlock the bathroom door from outside and let himself In. He was a wanker and couldn't see the problem with it either.

YANBU - if you want privacy he should respect that. Baths were the only me time I got when I had my DD, but my DP came up with her every single time, resulting in peek a boo from behind the shower curtain I know he probably didn't think about it but I just wanted my 20 minutes peace dammit!

Could it be that he was making a point? That if he couldn't just stroll in, he'd have to knock and get OP out of the shower (whenever he wished to speak to her). Because waiting to speak to her would be too considerate for him?

Only you know OP.

I think this is just two different shower viewpoints temporarily colliding. The dh probably thinks showers are functional, just for cleaning and no big deal (as I do). The OP thinks showers are nice long alone times (like my teenagers). He didn't realise it was a big deal to her, got that she didn't want him popping in any more but didn't realise that really she wanted to be alone, and that being disturbed was a big deal to her.

Now he knows how she feels, and should leave her alone, but he still won't really get it as his view of shower time is and will probably remain quite different. Easiest solution is to fix the lock. Door locked = leave me alone. Works for us with no angsting or accusations of controlling toddlers.

But the question is - is she being unreasonable based on the senario.

So given that she has said she wants her time in bathroom alone and he has disturbed that . No YANBU.

But she did ask if other people's OH did it so I think other people's experience are legit comments too.

He is being unreasonable because you have told him how you feel and he continues to act in a way that upsets you.

I shower and wash my hair in fewer than five mins but I would still go ape shit if someone walked in

I can't remember who it was, but some mystic/ wise person once said that one of the most important aspects of loving a partner is to respect their solitude. I couldn't agree more.
Have that conversation again, emphasise that he can come in in an emergency, and get the lock sorted. Often with partnerships there are mismatched perceptions of how much communication/ intimacy etc is the right amount, it's all about having those conversations, and not taking it personally.
Enjoy your solitude!

Wow, someone actually unlocking the bathroom door when you are in there (unless you are stuck) is completely overstepping boundaries. No-one would do that to me twice!
Showers in our house are usually fairly quick (for environmental reasons and avoiding steaming the place up ones) baths are longer but we usually tell everyone else to check they don't want the bathroom before going in so someone desperate to go 5 min after I'd gone in would get a grumpy bath person. I would also vacate the bathroom whilst someone else used the toilet. One person at a time. It's a house not a zoo.

I'm sure you are in a physical relationship and therefore no boundaries were crossed

He doesn't do boundaries.

Fuck that.

HTH.

I'm sure you are in a physical relationship and therefore no boundaries were crossed

So if you are fucking someone, they don't get to have boundaries? Wow. That's a disturbing way of looking at things. Does that mean that if you consent to sex once, then no boundaries are crossed if the other person wants to do it again but you aren't keen?

Fgs pizza only takes 10 minutes.
Why did he choose to put it in the oven when you had gone in the bathroom.
Needy yanbu

livia that's a bit of a strange way of looking at things. I'm just saying that it's not unusual in a relationship to see each other naked/showering /whatever

I can't be the only one who is grossed out that people take a SHIT in front of their partners, or leave the door open whilst they're shitting.

FFS where is your dignity and self respect people?!

And I also agree that even if you fuck your partner, have oral sex/intercourse/anal, or whatever you're into; you are still entitled to your private time to yourself in the bathroom. What a weird attitude some people on here have; implying that if you give consent for one thing that this means your partner has a free rein on everything else you do!

Most people are quite happy to see each other in whatever state in a long term relationship IMO.. Maybe I missed something in the post?

But that wasn't what you said. You said that despite OP stating that she didn't want him walking into the bathroom while she was showering, as they were having a physical relationship, he wasn't crossing any boundaries.

OP has the right to privacy in the bathroom if she wants it. Just because you don't agree, doesn't mean he hasn't crossed boundaries.

I've been with my DH for over a decade, neither one of us has ever walked into the bathroom while the other has been in the shower.

I was with someone for several years, we saw each other in all kinds of states but he knew I wanted privacy in the bathroom and luckily he respected that.

People have the right to privacy in the bedroom, the bathroom, wherever. They might choose not to want it and that's fine. But I have never had a shit or shower in front of a partner and I can guarantee I never will.