AIBU to stay single as no one will match up to my ex?

[pinkandwhite26]

I broke up with my ex last year but we've stayed in touch and see each other sporadically. We broke up because he didn't want a relationship and we moved apart. I've travelled to see him since and vice versa. I'm 28 and he is 30.

I've done a bit of dating but it seems pointless and it just highlights to me how much I miss my ex and how he is perfect. I honestly don't see that I'll meet anyone else that matches up to him.

I'm happy other areas of my life and happy single at the moment but I do want children and eventually I want to meet someone. I can see that there would be benefits to meeting someone that I really like who also wants to commit to me. But meeting other men just makes me so upset as they're not him and we don't have the same connection.

AIBU to just accept that no one else will measure up to my ex and just stop bothering?

Your ex might change his mind but only when he realises he's lost your for good and the reality sets in. At the moment he has the best of both worlds so will never change his mind as he's never thought about a life without you in it.
Do yourself a favour and completely cut contact, I give it 6 months before he's begging you back. By which point you'll hopefully have moved on with your life and told him where to stick it.

having to work away at a few days notice isn't exactly uncommon though is it? Its not reason enough to not get into a relationship?

My DH works away at short notice, and often in places with sketchy phone signal/internet access. It does mean he has occasionally had to miss parties, weddings or other celebrations, and once we had to fly out on holiday without him, but it doesn't make a relationship impossible.

Sounds like you are not happy with the status quo, so you either ask him if he wants to have a relationship or cut contact.

YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE BETTER.....
But you have to go no contact. This situation is hurting you, he is not responsible for you feeling rubbish, you are hurting yourself.

You are in love with a mirage, an idea of him which he is not. You need distance and to stop trying to get emotional sustenance from him when he can't give that to you.

It's the hardest thing to do ever, but he does not love you or want to be with you.

Cut all contact for 1 year

Op, I really think you're heading for more hurt. You are in love with him and haven't got a chance of getting over him till you stop sleeping with him and just stop being in touch. He isn't perfect as he will know that you care and is keeping you there anyway.

He on the other hand might meet someone he wants a relationship with at any time (please don't think him saying he doesn't want a relationship will stop this happening, he just means there's no one he wants a relationship with right now ) and he'll be gone, you literally won't hear from him again. It'll hurt like hell because you'll have no control over the situation at all, you'll know you've been used.

This is going nowhere, he won't suddenly change and come back to you, you're just waiting for the inevitable.

I know I sound harsh but I've been in a similar situation & had a friend in almost your exact situation and they both went the same way.

Be strong, do yourself a massive favour and stop seeing him. Give yourself a full year of not bothering to date - but not seeing him either. Go out, have fun, steer clear of men so you can't compare them to him and by the end of the year, honestly, you'll be so much better off.

I've sent him a 'what is this' type message but I think he might be with another girl this weekend so I'm not imagining I'll get a response so have decided to try and move on.

It seems crazy that it's been a year and I'm still stuck on the hurt cycle and I can't do it anymore.

Did he reply?

Yes and he says he thinks that there are too many feelings involved so it's probably better we don't see each other as he doesn't want a relationship.

Pinkandwhite26
It sounds like such a painful situation. Not sure if I can add to what PP have said. In my very limited experience of relationships, I do remember how I felt about my ex-boyfriend when he broke up with me - I felt like it was the end of the world, that he was perfect and I had to be with him or no one else. But I'm now happily married to the love of my life and realised that my DH is "perfect" and my ex was nowhere near. Your perception of perfect will change.